tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-351888322024-03-12T22:51:04.809-05:00Parents of a Troubled TeenThis is our online journal of getting back to a healthy family. In September of 2005, we enrolled my daughter Katie in a specialty boarding school for troubled teens. It was one of the most difficult decisions we have ever had to make. As part of that I attempted to find information - and all I got was marketing. So we decided to start this to help other parents - a way to share what we have gone through, and are going through.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.comBlogger230125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-62607072229439766962009-07-02T13:47:00.002-05:002009-07-02T13:53:32.129-05:00Tomorrow is the big dayNot only does Katie turn 19 tomorrow, but she is moving into her first apartment! Yeah for her!!! I am both proud and worried about her for this big step. It isn't easy, but it is necessary.<br /><br />As I've tried to share here, things at home have not gone well. It is at worst a battle zone, at best a DMZ. Most of the time Diane just avoids Katie completely, spending her free time up in our room.<br /><br />Katie is nervous, to say the least. But this is an important and necessary step. I'm hoping it gives her the incentive that she has lacked, to get a job, to get her driver's license, to get her school loans completed. We had a bit of a talk last night - and even though she is good at bringing up the line "I'm an adult" - as of tomorrow she will HAVE to start acting like one.<br /><br />I'd have preferred an apartment closer to home, or even better a college dorm, but that isn't to be. This opportunity came up, was extremely reasonable (which a lot of others weren't) and she took it.<br /><br />So tomorrow will be spent packing, moving, unpacking, and then taking her out for her birthday dinner!Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-72122021416888167052009-06-16T07:13:00.001-05:002009-06-16T07:13:31.496-05:00GraduationWell it has finally happened. Wearing her red gown, mortarboard and tassel, Katie graduated high school.
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<br>There were times I never thought it would happen, that she would end up dead, dropped out on drugs, or pregnant - but so far none of those has happened.
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<br>Was this success because of or in spite of the program - that is a question that can never truly be answered at this point. I do feel that I have done everything in my power as a father to give her all the opportunities to suceed, and protect her as much as I was able.
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<br>Next steps? She is enrolled at the local community college for fall. She needs to get her financing for it done, as well as get a job. And an apartment. Just like her older brother and sister, I know expect her to move on with her life, and that means living away from home.
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<br>At this point I don't have much more to add. Like a butterfly, it is time for her to climb from her protective shell and fly away to a new life.
<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryMike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-83294616133020840382009-06-05T08:01:00.003-05:002009-06-05T08:05:55.288-05:00GraduationYesterday was the day finally. Katie is now a high school graduate.<br /><br />As a father, I'm proud of her. Her graduation party is next Saturday.<br /><br />In addition, she got her class schedule for the local community college the other day (along with the invoice). So the next steps are to get a job, and apartment, and a student loan for school.<br /><br />It has been a very rough ride, and it still quite bumpy. Katie and Diane don't get along at all any more, and pretty much avoid each other. The same is basically true with her brothers.<br /><br />Katie turns 19 next month - and like the proverbial butterfly it is time for her to leave the cocoon and fly.<br /><br />I've tried to teach her what I can, but I fear that the lessons she needs to learn now can only be learned on her own.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-56265498499793692022009-04-16T07:13:00.002-05:002009-04-16T07:26:52.693-05:00Hmmm - an on topic update*Shock* Actually talking about what is happening.<br /><br />Things seem to be stable, though far from ideal. As she has stated, Diane has once again checked out - spending most of her time upstairs in our room. The boys and Katie are typically at each other most of the time. The youngest boy gets along the least with her - neither of them seems capable of NOT commenting when the other says something. He jumps all over her when she says anything - she in turn jumps all over his case (though usually a bit more visciously, laced with profanity) in response. Fun times - NOT.<br /><br />The middle son is spending as much time away from the home as possible - part of this because of his new girlfriend (and I'm happy that one of my boys finally has a girlfriend). She is actually someone Katie knew before she left from one of the churches she went to. While she is also Katie's friend, Katie does not seem to realize that she comes over to see her brother, not her.<br /><br />The younger boys and I are going up to see their older brother this weekend. Katie claims that I'm throwing her to the wolves by not taking her. She asked me if I expect the house to still be standing when we get back Saturday night - to which I responded that it will be if the people living here expect to continue that.<br /><br />I'm actually not worried - Diane will either be upstairs (friday night) or working, while Katie will spend all her time on the computer in the basement, or sleeping. They will barely see each other, the same as if we were home.<br /><br />I am tired of my home being a battlezone. I believe that once Katie is on her own, then there will be a chance for some healing on all sides to occur, and for some relationships to begin to build. I'd like to see Katie taking steps toward this goal, preparing herself for it - but things are to the point that unless she wants something from me she won't listen to anything I say.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-79358176739514100922009-04-14T20:59:00.002-05:002009-04-14T21:40:46.000-05:00The sad victimization of AmericaI'm not sure if Dan Rather created the phrase, but I first heard it from him when his book came out about "The Greatest Generation", talking about the men and women who lived during and fought in World War II. <br /><br />This was just after the great depression, when the New Deal came out to put people back to work, and the beginnings of the modern welfare state were created. While being the son of two democrats may mean that I can't reject the concept outright; I look at the results that I see now in America, and I just think how sad the Greatest Generation must feel looking at what they fought and died for.<br /><br />We have become a nation of victims. You hear about it every day on the news. Constantly, people who are victims. Be it crime, natural disasters, personal tragedy or what have you - everyone is a victim. The media loves to analyze everything, and blame it on anything they can, from the comic books of the 1950's to video games and movies of today.<br /><br />Look at the people in New Orleans who are still whining and complaining about being victims of Katrina. These are the same poor, helpless victims who wouldn't leave when they were told to, and who (while not all of them) started looting and even shooting at the helicopters sent to help them later. These poor victims years later still can't take care of themselves.<br /><br />Our grandparents should be ashamed. No, that isn't right. We should be ashamed - ashamed of what this nation has become.<br /><br />Years ago, if you spilt coffee in you lap, it was your fault. Now you are a victim and suing the restaurant who gave you the hot coffee. If you lift up a running lawn mower and try to trim a hedge with it and cut off your hand - you are a victim of the company who made it because they didn't tell you not to do it, an build in safe guards to prevent it. If you are fat you are a victim of the fast food companies for putting the trans-fats in the food you shoved into you mouth.<br /><br />What happened to personal responsibility? What happened to people saying they were responsible for their lives, their own decisions? Sure things happen. But it is always our choice how to deal with it - as a victim or to take responsibility for our decisions and actions.<br /><br />One thing I have discovered in the past few years is that I am not a part of mainstream America. I don't fit in. I don't watch American Idol. I think Dancing with the Stars has to be one of the most boring concepts for a television show in my lifetime. Most of the things I tend to enjoy, I find that very few others do. I like to make my own decisions about things. I take responsibility for my actions, responsibility for my self and responsibility for my family. I do not let my heart rule my head, and I try to think through all my decisions, based on the best evidence I have at the time. I don't do what I feel is best, I do what I THINK is best.<br /><br />These don't seem to be the normal things for American society these days. I don't believe in suing somebody because I don't like what they did (and I think that the huge amount of frivilous lawsuits are one of the worst things going on in America today, and should be stopped immediately). I do my best to pay my bills, put food on the table, clothes on our backs and a roof over the head of my family. I work hard at my job, and expect to be paid a reasonable amount for it.<br /><br />I don't think that I deserve millions of dollars for sitting on my butt. I don't think the world owes me anything. I don't expect anyone else to take care of my family. I am not perfect, and I make mistakes. I accept the consequences of my actions. I don't blame others for my actions, for my successes or for my failures. I don't ask for your permission to live my life the way I choose, nor do I ask for your approval of my decisions, as neither of those are yours to give.<br /><br />I am not a victim, and I am doing my best to see that I am not raising my children to be victims either.<br /><br />This may not seem appropriate for this forum, but me and my family have come under attack recently (and quite visciously) because of decisions I have made - all of which I have been sharing for the past few years here, and this has been on my mind the past few days. I've tried to make this a resource for those other families who might also be struggling with troubled teenagers, not to promote any school or solution, but to simply say "You are not alone". Yes, in the end you have to make the appropriate decision for yourself and your family, as I did. You have to be responsible for your actions, whatever they may be. But here is one story, here is how one family struggled (and still struggles) so perhaps it might ease the burden on some other family to know they aren't the only ones.<br /><br />I do not apologize for taking the actions that I thought best, nor do I ask anyones approval nor forgiveness. The choices I have made may not have given me the results that I wnated, but I accept that. I will continue to make choices to attempt to achieve the results for my family that I want, as I have always done.<br /><br />Once more I find myself rambling, and realize that this sounds like a goodbye. As much as those who have attacked me lately wish it, this is not. It may be a rant, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm simply going to continue to be the best father that I know how to be, the best husband that I can be, and the best person that I am capable of.<br /><br />I will not swear back at those who swear at me, will not curse back at those who choose to curse at me. I will not respond to anonymous cowards who attack others while hiding. I will not attack back those who are choosing to attack me - because in my life - they do not matter. Like mosquitos or gnats, they are but a momentary irritation, and worth even less consideration.<br /><br />I will continue to personally respond to those who are at least open and honest enough to identify themselves, as I have done, and wish to discuss things without resorting to personal attacks.<br /><br />One last note - anyone who thinks they have some deep and meaningful insight into me or my family because of a few posts I have made in a blog is sorely mistaken. It takes much more than a brief glimpse at someones lives to understand them. Many people may think this is a detailed account of everything that has happened in the past five years, and it is far from it. It is an attempt to share some of my feelings, and some of what we went through. Like anything else, there is so much, much more beneath the surface. If anything, this is an outline of one part of the story of my family, not the whole story. And while I may sometimes go on too long, as I have today, I am not a writer, and most of the story will never be told.<br /><br />So for those very few that have been reading for these past five years, thanks. To those who have just started reading - well I wish to welcome those who will read the purpose of this and take it for what it is.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-65609244043937992832009-04-11T07:06:00.002-05:002009-04-11T07:18:59.954-05:00Katie's StoryKatie has found a very anti-program discussion group, and has decided to start writing up her story. Not necessarily a bad thing. I encouraged her (as did at least one of the people there) to actually create a blog to do it instead - but she refuses.<br /><br />If she decides to create a blog, then I will gladly link to it from here, as I think it is important to have a chance to see all sides. Her story is not my story, and what she remembers is often not what I remember. However we are human, we see and note different things. Watch the movie <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443274/">Vantage Point</a> if you want to see a great example of this.<br /><br />Unfortunately, as long as she only puts on it on that site, I will not link to it. Aside from the personal attacks that are currently ongoing there (yes, internet death threats - I guess that means I am somebody now :-) ) I refuse to subject my readers (although my readership has probably doubled because of that site (what, to maybe 4 now?)) to that. And where at minimum the site is libelous - the vast majority of people on it post anonymously (though they feel that they have the right to put up MY personal information on the site while hiding themselves).<br /><br />I'd again like Katie to put it on a blog - so it is as open as this one is - and people can begin to see all sides of a story. Of course, to see all sides, we would also need input from people at the school - and I know that won't happen.<br /><br />Parts of her story are very well written - she does still have that talent (like I've been told I have) - if she chooses to truly work on it (she does not accept any kind of criticism well at all, and will never improve if she believes that it is already fantastic. There is some that is good - but everything can be improved) and makes an interesting read. More so for me because it gives me some more insight into her - even where it does not match the things I know and remember.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-67425225303182437562009-04-09T20:30:00.002-05:002009-04-09T20:36:09.429-05:00fornitsWell, it looks like for the past week or so I have been a very popular (15 pages worth) topic of discussion on this message board devoted to bashing all teen help programs.<br /><br />A bunch of anonymous people calling me evil and a child abuser, hiding behind made up accounts. Posting my name, my father's name (that is uncalled for), and even Diane's work information.<br /><br />What amazes me is how they know all the answers and all the solutions. Too bad I wasn't able to let them fix Katie four years ago since they are all so perfect. I guess I just have to continue to be human, and fallible.<br /><br />I am reminded of when I was getting my divorce 10+ years ago though. I was accused of spousal abuse then as well (the entirety of the complaint was that I "grabbed her arm and pushed her on the bed."). I was vindicated by the courts, who found no evidence of it whatsoever - and in fact awarded me full, unconditional custody of all four of my children.<br /><br />If there were ever an impartial judge of this (which I doubt there ever would be), I believe they would find the same thing.<br /><br />If nothing else, it may give me more reasons to post again :-).Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-46356223570489990622009-04-04T09:06:00.002-05:002009-04-04T09:22:34.347-05:00Interesting to get some feedback NOWHmmmmm - life never ceases to amaze me.<br /><br />I started this Blog over four years ago, to share what we were going through. For quite a while, I updated it regularly. Now that Katie is home and we are no longer in the program, I suddenly seem to be getting some feedback on it.<br /><br />First, I apologize to the few people who have actually read this, that I am not updating it regularly any more. Situations and lives change, and our family is no longer in the same position that it was when I started this. I'd like make a committment to update this more, but in all honesty that isn't something I can do at this point in my life. I will not make an agreement that I cannot keep.<br /><br />Marie - thanks for reading. I have really enjoyed sharing more with you, and hearing about how things are going with your family.<br /><br />Tortured - please address any feedback to THIS blog, not my personal one. My personal one is my own thoughts / ideas / feelings unrelated to the program. <br /><br />I'd like to point out that I am not on a campaign to recruit for nor to discredit the school that Katie attended, nor the affiliation to which it belonged. I have openly and honestly talked about our family here and what went on there.<br /><br />I will state that my daughter was not tortured, nor abused in any way. I have been to the school, I have met the people who interacted with her every day. While it was no resort, they did nothing wrong in my opinion - and the opinions of others based on their experiences will not change that.<br /><br />Our program journey is basically over. The destination we arrived at was not what I had hoped for, I will grant that. However I do not spend my time worrying about it after the fact.<br /><br />I felt four plus years ago, and still feel now, that this was the best thing we could do for Katie. I don't feel that the results were what we wanted, but things could not continue in our home the way they had been going.<br /><br />So yes, I have been through the program. I have seen the schools. I have seen some of the sites that are attacking them. I have read some of the books attacking the programs. I feel it is a shame that so many people attack these, while the quiet majority of those involved with them simply go on with their lives. There are so many power plays and political struggles that end up going on, and so many of them that, in the end, are backed purely by money, that it sometimes makes me sick. Are these programs for everyone - of course not. Do they help everyone - obviously not. Are some people against them - well of course.<br /><br />The only question (rhetorical though it is) that I have for all the opponents to these schools is simply - what alternative do you propose? I simply see so many people that work so hard to tear down a given institution that is attempting to do some good, without offering anything better.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-60804367838973415722009-01-31T11:33:00.001-05:002009-01-31T11:33:53.253-05:00Hard to update when I'm not thereThe title says it all. With me now working 200 miles from home ( meaning a four drive up on Sunday afternoon and back on Friday night ) I'm not really interacting with her much. Things have improved a bit though since we had a bit of a "Come to Jesus" meeting about her moving out.<p>I basically told her that after graduationan it is time to move on. Either she moves into a dorm, or if she goes to the local community college the she has to get an apartment. The dorm is a better option - more of an easy transition, but it is not going well having her in the house.<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryMike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-38150476538655256602008-12-28T16:05:00.002-05:002008-12-28T16:35:10.798-05:00Merry Fricken ChristmasYes, this is Diane. It's been really quite hard since Mike got a short time job in Detroit. But money is money and this is a great opportunity and will hopefully help him to get a foot in the door with this company.<br /><br />But when he's not home, Katie reverts back to her old old self calling me that endearing name of "fucking bitch". Yes, as Mike has noticed I have "checked out" regarding her and my relationship. I really tried to make it work when she got home, and there were some nice moments, but sadly that's all they were, moments. <br /><br />When Mike got home on Christmas Eve, she was all peaches and cream. Christmas day was fine until around dinner when she reverted back to screaming about things and making everyone miserable. Even Scout has gone back to hiding again when she starts her fits.<br /><br />The lies have returned and its almost like she wasn't gone for three years, and has not retained anything that they tried to teach her there. The "real" reason she quit Frisches came out when she was talking to one of Erik's friends yesterday. She was sitting on the couch talking like no one else was around when Mike and I were just steps away. Though she exclaimed to us -- sometimes at the top of her lungs -- the "real" reason was because her grades were being affected, we all knew that was a lie. I even went so far as to talk with her manager to make sure she wasn't fired. No, she quit. No two week notice and at the beginning of Christmas break when she could have been pulling in the dough. Just another of her extremely bad choices in life. It seems that she thrives on negativity. Oh, and if you're wondering, the "real" reason was because she didn't like some girl there. Big fricken deal. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. You will go through life and every job you have there will be someone that rubs you the wrong way.<br /><br />Today we had our big family meeting before Mike left. We didn't have one when he wasn't here because he is the calming person in it all. It can very quickly break down to a screaming match -- with Katie doing the screaming and then she storms off and cries in her bedroom, playing the victim and drama queen to the hilt.<br /><br />Mike laid ground rules that this was not to be a session of pointing fingers and we all have things to work on around here, which I agree with. When it was Katies turn she came out and asked "of the two family leaders sitting here" why she hadn't been kicked out yet! I asked her if that was her goal because she truly has been acting like it. She has been making sure to push every button she can to see if we will. And I guess if it were just my decision -- which I'm very glad it's not -- she would be out of here. But luckily Mike has the solid, calm head in the family. Plus it's HIS daughter, it's not my blood daughter and I would maybe feel differently if she was. <br /><br />I spend my days longer at work, or up in my room again just to make sure there is no fight or confrontation. But then since I'm not around she'll start picking a fight with the boys and they end up coming to me to try to knock sense into her. We've all had it. <br /><br />When she was having a screaming fit at Jon the other night (it was amazing how calm Jon was through the whole thing!) she said she is planning on getting an apartment with a friend in April or May. He tried telling her that in order to get an apartment you have to have a job, a steady source of income. But she knows everything, rules don't pertain to her. I truly feel she'll have to hit ALL the bumps in the road that life will bring before she learns anything.<br /><br />Sad but true.<br /><br />Hope I make it through the next few days until Mike gets back here. Lord, give me strength.<br />-Ddianec2428http://www.blogger.com/profile/11045342352342582938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-7212810288196200542008-12-16T09:42:00.003-05:002008-12-16T09:48:30.751-05:00ConsequencesIt amazes me sometimes how, after all this time in the program, Katie still doesn't understand that actions have consequences, or in this case inaction.<br /><br />She is really struggling in one of her math classes. So she asked me last night for a ride in early to school to work on her math. Not a huge deal, I do this at least once a week as her brother has German club before school as well.<br /><br />So I get dressed and go downstairs, turn on everyone's lights and tell them to get up. Her other brother is already in the shower.<br /><br />Come 7:05, I go back up and she is still in bed. I yell at her and her youngest brother. At 7:20 she comes down staird and goes out for a cigarette, since she is not allowed to smoke on the property. She then comes in and says she is ready to go.<br /><br />Well the bus comes at 7:28. They are the last pickup on the bus - after they get on it is straight to the school. It is 7:26. I say too late - the bus is here, it will get you to school as quickly as I can. There is no reason to waste the gas and my time. If she wanted to be there early, then she should have gotten up on time. So she is pretty mad at me this morning.<br /><br />I feel bad because I want to be as encouraging and helpful as possible, especially with trying to get her math grade up. But actions have consequences, and I have to stand firm on this. (Just like I won't give her a ride to work because it is three blocks from the house - it is very difficult to find any place closer. Sure it is cold some times - but that is what coats are for.)Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-17257916711631371982008-11-22T11:53:00.001-05:002008-11-22T12:00:46.232-05:00Back up to level 3Well, things are going, if not as well as I'd like, they are at least going. Katie is back up to level three as of yesterday. She is still smoking unfortunately, but there isn't much I can do there. There is still a lot of conflict going on between her and her brothers - and both sides are guilty of instigating it.<br /><br />Katie is starting to learn some of the harsh realities of economics in the real world. With her job, she needed bank accounts. Yep, she already bounced some. First she ordered some CD's online (at Amazon) and had it come from her savings - the first mistake. Then she didn't have enough to cover it, so had to deal with the bank charges, and then the vendor charges as well. Of course she didn't have that kind of money - so now her allowance goes to me until it is taken care of. I said that I would help her this once, and have also started doing a check on her accounts to make sure she is actually writing EVERYTHING down in her register - or she earns a Cat 2.<br /><br />It is very frustrating as a parent to watch your children insist on making the same stupid mistakes, and not listening when we tell them how to avoid them. I just think it would be nice, if, for once, they would listen and not have to do all the stupid things for themselves.<br /><br />But hey, we all have our fantasies.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-37464651723846767452008-11-04T08:08:00.003-05:002008-11-04T08:15:38.859-05:00Questioning the churchThe day to day things seem to be going ok for now.<br /><br />Katie is smoking again, unfortunately, but as an adult I can't stop her.<br /><br />She has decided to 'take a break' from her church for a bit - she is struggling to find herself and just isn't liking some of the answers she is getting there for her questions. She doesn't like to admit that I might ever have a point before the world hits her over the head with it. I tried to explain to her months ago that she did not know most of what the Mormon church is about, and would just be starting to investigate it.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, I'm not against the LDS church any more than I am any other - I respect their beliefs even if I don't agree with them, and I respect their right to have them without judging them (i.e. I don't consider their beliefs wrong - they just aren't what I believe). <br /><br />Katie is just struggling with the role of women in their society (i.e. as wives, taking care of the family - generally not the breadwinners nor having careers) as well as the strong family orientation - specifically how it excludes those who aren't in the church. She is upset that her family is not part of the church - doesn't like the idea of going to heaven without her family. Fairly admirable in some ways when you look at it.<br /><br />I never forced her to go to church, and supported her exploring and questioning them. <br /><br />The only regret I have if she does leave it is the good people in the church, and the positive influence there. She really needs that support.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-87858514436001183302008-10-11T15:03:00.002-05:002008-10-11T15:10:09.255-05:00Back to square one, or lessThings were going well. So we thought. Then I get a call yesterday - and Katie is suspended from school for three days, for walking off school grounds, and having tobaco on school property. Basically a person who lives near the school saw a bunch of kids smoking in their yard so called the school, and when they came back they were busted.<br /><br />She managed to come up with something not in the home contract. It will be though. It is a cat 4 - immediate loss of all points and levels.<br /><br />Diane is so mad she can't see straight, not only about the suspension but also the smoking.<br /><br />While I don't like he smoking, she is eighteen, and it is not illegal. It will not happen in the house.<br /><br />Now we are also having some interpretation issues on the contract - she has no unsurpervised activities - but does that mean she isn't allowed to leave the house at all? I am not a prison guard, this is not a jail.<br /><br />If she is going to smoke, I'd rather know about it, and I have less of an issue with her walking across the street to do it - but Diane has major issues.<br /><br />Diane is also upset with how I'm handling this, though she hasn't all I've been able to determine is that I didn't yell enough - though I don't see where that would have helped at all.<br /><br />At minimum it is going to be a bit tense around here for a while.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-77667432956679056412008-10-04T16:59:00.002-05:002008-10-04T17:01:22.826-05:00So much to do, so little timeI seem to have no time to update my blogs lately - and never think of them when I'm at home.<br /><br />Katie is doing well. She has started her job, and just got a savings and checking account today. She has started to find the joy of working (i.e. there is none, but at least you get paid).Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-27773801561652498792008-09-23T22:19:00.002-05:002008-09-23T22:20:34.480-05:00Four years ago todayHard to believe now that Katie is back home and doing reasonably well, but it was four years ago today that we had her escorted to the school. (Ok, technically it was a 2 am in the morning, but the date was the same). I didn't even think about it until she mentioned it.<br /><br />I hope it was worth it.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-52358089446413368912008-09-18T13:07:00.003-05:002008-09-18T13:10:15.742-05:00First day at workYesterday was Katie's first day at her new job - delayed because of the storm. She was fairly nervous and excited the night before, and when I got home Diane said she looked good in her uniform.<br /><br />Then she got home - and reality had reached up and smacked her in the face big time. She wasn't at all happy about having to start her training by busing tables. And was extremely tired - so much so that her ride came this morning and we got a call they were waiting outside - though she was up I'm thinking she might have dozed off waiting.<br /><br />It will be interesting to see her reaction to her first check, and how much our dear old uncle takes out of it!Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-75472517675780288482008-09-10T09:43:00.002-05:002008-09-10T09:48:52.779-05:00Among the gainfully employed!Katie went in for a 2nd interview yesterday, and got the job at a local Frisch's Big Boy! One of the best parts it is all of 2-3 blocks from the house - walking distance even in winter and bad weather (she was a little disappointed when I said that no, I was not giving her a ride to the interview yesterday).<br /><br />This will help to fill some of her time now - between school, the job, church and her wanting to help out with the band she will definitely be busy. I did specify that she has some priorities - school first, then the job, and then the other stuff.<br /><br />Her first day is Friday. I don't know how long she will be there - but Friday is also a home football game - so I'm guess she won't be able to help out there like she did at the first one. But those are choices we all have to make in life.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-43658733321884208552008-09-08T07:42:00.002-05:002008-09-08T07:53:37.189-05:00Teenagers and relationshipsI'm not yet so old that I can't still remember being a teenager - and remembering that it sucks. High school sucks. Hormones raging through your body sucks. Puberty sucks.<br /><br />Of course, then you graduate, get a job, an life goes downhill from there :-)<br /><br />Katie is struggling a bit with relationships. I feel for her, but I can't take this burden, of learning how to deal with people, from her. Being so sheltered for the past three years doesn't help in the real world. She needs to learn both to be more open in some situations, and much, much less in others.<br /><br />She likes a boy. I don't know at this point if the feelings are reciprocated or not. And it won't be simply either way. Problem is she told another girl, who then turned around and started flirting with him - not a good thing, but a typical teenage girl thing.<br /><br />Then it didn't help that she got a bad sunburn on her face this weekend helping with the band. That is really hurting her self confidence. Which isn't a good thing, because she has a 2nd job interview tonight. It will be great if she gets this though - because it less than three blocks from the house! (Though she was a bit upset that I wouldn't give her a ride there this evening - I doubt I will even be home in time to.)<br /><br />One other thing - it looks like the September issue of the schools <a href="http://www.crosscreekprogram.com/ccc/journal_sep_2008.asp">newsletter</a> is out - with an article by Katie in it! I do like that they still use it even after she left without graduating.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-78853419037438888022008-09-03T20:11:00.002-05:002008-09-03T20:13:55.384-05:00The beat goes onThings are still going ok. Katie earned her level 3 at home this week, which was good. She didn't like facing up to the fact that since she still hasn't been able to find a job, she can't get / do all the things she wants. Specifically the class ring orders were today - and I'm not going to pay for one (I'm not sure it is even worth it) and she was upset about it, but not much I can do about that. She apologized today, but the fact remains that learning the value of a dollar is still a bit lesson for her.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-2462106009536175552008-08-27T19:43:00.002-05:002008-08-27T19:48:03.015-05:00First days of schoolare tiring. Yesterday was the first day, and so of course it meant that we had to do even more school supply shopping last night.<br /><br />Katie and I had a wee bit of a verbal tussle, though it was as much or more my fault than hers. All over issues that weren't hers, but all the kids, however she just happened to be the one that I unfairly unloaded on, and then she took it way past where it needed to go. So she isn't really talking to me today, but I think after some cooling off it will be better. And the table is FINALLY cleaned off, with baskets for everyone's crap!<br /><br />I'm a bit concerned that her friend from the program seems to be awol lately - I haven't heard back from her in a few weeks. Nothing much I can do there.<br /><br />She got home tonight and introduced a friend from church - a girl that used to live close to us back in our old apartment - what over six years ago now? She is a junior, but in her church group as well as school - so it sounds like she has a friend at school finally, which is a really good thing. I didn't recognize her AT ALL, but then kids do grow quite a bit over the years.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-47375657101053960412008-08-21T07:26:00.002-05:002008-08-21T07:29:46.238-05:00Irregularity(In posting at least).<br /><br />I have noticed that without the regulararity of a phone call every week, I don't seem to have the regular point to post an update.<br /><br />Things are going fairly well. Some communication issues for Katie, both with her older brother (now temporarily resolved since he has moved into his apartment two hours away) and with the rest of us, but we are trying to work through it.<br /><br />Next week starts school - this will be really good as Katie has been very bored every day with nothing to do. Plus her Mormon Seminary class starts monday as well - at 5:50 AM every morning. That will truly show here committment to get herself up every morning at 5 and get over there.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-9291287220775243852008-08-17T14:37:00.002-05:002008-08-17T14:51:04.766-05:00The Honeymoon Continues...Well, things are still going ok. Jon is now in his apartment so THAT sibling rivalry won't be going on every day. Matt is at Scout Leadership Camp and doesn't get home until Monday. Hope he's having a good time. Katie will have just gotten back from church, and Mike and Erik are out mowing lawns. I'm at work.<br /><br />School is fast approaching, just 8 calendar days away. So I guess this week will consist of school shopping. Oh boy. I'll probably take both the boys together, and then just Katie so we can have some girl time. She is much pickier about the clothes she wears now, which I'm glad. She has learned more feminine ways while at school. She take care of her hair, wears makeup very lightly, and keeps saying how she enjoys being a girl. Oh, and her senior pics are Friday.<br /><br />Two of the biggest things that seem to be popping up all of a sudden are "crushes" on two boys. One is from her church, the other is her brothers' friend, and also goes to church with her. Both are 2 years younger than her. I've talked with her a bit about the brothers friend, saying that would be a REALLY bad thing to pursue, and she seemed to understand, but these feelings are all so new to her and she's unsure how to deal with them. Mike and I both can see that these crushes are probably because they are the only two boys that really have talked and paid attention to her. That worries us a bit. In a way that is typical -- she used to be all over someone that showed her any attention, and practically buying their friendship. This is pretty much the same, except the stakes could be higher. We've always thought that she would marry and get pregnant (and possibly not in that order) the first boy that says he love her.<br /><br />She is still trying to do too much for everyone. Still trying to make her brothers see that her way is "right", but all in all, I think we're doing ok. Her maturity level is more where I think it should be, not overly mature, but not always acting like a little girl, either.<br /><br />We'll keep plugging away.<br />-Ddianec2428http://www.blogger.com/profile/11045342352342582938noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-83598516198983208632008-08-11T10:07:00.002-05:002008-08-11T10:18:49.816-05:00Continuing onWhich is you can do. Katie has earned enough points for level 2 at home now, and things are still going relatively well. She has been having some issues with the older brother Jon, but that actually will resolve itself this weekend as he moves into his apartment on Saturday.<br /><br />She is registered for school and has her class schedule - which doesn't sound too bad though she has to take two math courses at the same time to graduate, as well as pass the Ohio Graduation Test in October (and a final chance in March). School starts two weeks from tomorrow - hard to believe already.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35188832.post-82128985551102379472008-08-07T12:27:00.002-05:002008-08-07T12:30:33.217-05:00oopsan quick apology to my loyal readers (and you know who both of you are :-) ) for the post yesterday, that was meant for my personal blog, not this one.<br /><br />So I am at band camp, which means that I haven't seen her all week, though I have talked to her on the phone a couple of times and she still seems to be doing well. Diane and I talked a bit about her home contract and how we do points. She wasn't sure if a category didn't apply one day if she should get 0 points or 2. Since I look at this as building her levels, she shouldn't be penalized (i.e. 0 points) if there is nothing to do - just getting a 'standard' value.Mike Carterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09284283089081032577noreply@blogger.com0