Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Long time no post

I've never been one for journaling, writing in a diary, or keeping track of every bit of food that goes in my mouth and writing in this blog is no different. That's why Mike has written the bulk of entries here.

But right now, Mike is in a car with Katie, heading to the Vegas airport. I've talked with both of them. She said she cried a bit, mostly because she couldn't say goodbye. But she's excited to be coming home, excited to see the boys and Scout. I told her I hope we can have a fresh start and things will go well.

Mike did give her our home contract and she has read it and understands there are new rules to live by.

I didn't sleep well last night. I think I turned off the tv sometime after 3am when Girl, Interuppted was just finishing on HBO. Very apropos, I guess. I am worried that Katie will go back to old ways, and so will I. Mike reminds me that we have more "tools" to use now and we are much stronger as a couple and as a family. I agree, but I still worry. I know she's not "fixed", I know there will be ups and downs. I just really hope that if she chooses to not follow the rules and has to leave the house that she doesn't start cutting, or actually follow thru with her threat of suicide -- which I truly feel was always just a cry for help. Though I know we can't make her do anything anymore, things are HER choices, I would still feel horrible.

I will not hold any past grudges, I am willing to make this a fresh start. The boys, however, are having some problems. There is a lot of anger there towards her, money spent on her that could have been spent for family vacations or other things. They just don't understand why she wouldn't just do what needs to be done and get out of there as soon as she could instead of just sitting there for 3 years. And no one can really answer those things except her. And I have a feeling that those questions will be posed to her in the coming days.

The boys have already tried the "well, I'm sleeping at so-and-so's house on Wednesday night" trick, but we said no, they will welcome her home. It's not a celebration, as it could and should have been, but we will ALL start with a clean slate. Yes, there will be more rules for awhile, and more accountability will be held, but they are going to be alright.

The oldest even said he wishes he could get into his apartment sooner so he just wouldn't have to be around her at all. And I understand his thoughts on this because he's the one that has gotten to talk with her the most and he is the one that she has really ripped into the most, both on the phone and through letters. And he says he's not holding back when she gets home. He will not put up with her trying to push her "program" onto him. I told him I understand but to try to just welcome her home with an open mind and give her a chance.

It's going to be interesting! Stay tuned.

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