Choose-Out Letter

One of the processes when a teen "chooses out" is they have to write a choose-out letter home - which we got today. In the letter Katie was fairly down on herself - I don't think you get nearly the good feeling you get graduating choosing out. We sent her our nametags from the seminar, and are hoping these might help to inspire her a bit. At home it just doesn't feel much like the holidays this year. We still haven't gotten the tree up, nor any decorations. With the boys going to be gone, it will be the first year without any family from either side for Diane and I, and we aren't looking forward to it.
M-

Choosing Out

Well, a big disappointment. I talked to our family rep tonight for our bi-weekly call, and Katie "choose out" of her Orientation seminar this past weekend. For the kids, they don't fail the seminars - instead they put in an accountable framework - and they choose not to stay in the seminars. I guess she has another shot at it in February. They don't do any of the seminars over the holidays, so it bumps the bi-monthly schedule back a bit.
M-

Discovery Graduates

WOW!!!! again - WOW!!!! Well, we are Discovery graduates. I don't know fully how to describe this - it is simply amazing. The weekend was unbelievable. And now I feel fantastic. Tired, but pumped and excited. I really enjoyed the whole thing. Diane had some problems with some of the exercises, I feel that she got caught up on the mechanics, and missed the lesson. In some ways I so want to talk about everything we did - but that could spoil the experience for anyone else who might go through it. And the key for this is not the final lessons - but the experience. They call it experiential training - and it is a process, not an end point. We have signed up for Focus - the next seminar, in January, and I for one am very excited about it.
M-

Discovery Tomorrow

We flew up to Chicago and then took a shuttle to our room. We have talked with a couple on the BBS about meeting for dinner, but we don't have any idea what they look like, when they will be in or anything. The hotel isn't all that great, but from the schedule it doesn't look like we will be spending much time in it anyway, so not a big deal. I am still a little bit bummed out about the timing of this weekend though. I had tickets to go see TransSiberian Orchestra on Sunday, and it still bothers me that I can't go this year. Katie has her orientation seminar this weekend as well - we are hoping she does well there.
M-

Discovery Cometh

We head off to Chicago on Thursday for Discovery. We are a bit apprehensious about this - we have absolutely no idea what we are in for. Diane is a bit more nervous than I am. Everyone says it will be great, but that doesn't really allay our fears. Katie is still working, and getting ready for her Orientation. I hope she does well, it will be nice to see her start progressing. Thanksgiving wasn't too bad. But we really aren't in the Christmas mood yet. We still haven't put up a tree - and we usually do that the weekdend after thanksgiving. I'm taking my bonus and using it to buy the boys airline tickets to go see their mother - they haven't seen her in over three years, and they need to. Plus they have never seen one of their half brothers. I'm very frustrated there as well, as their mother said she was going to pay for it, but didn't. So it looks like it will just be Diane and me home alone for Christmas.
M-

Getting ready for Thanksgiving

Been very hectic. Diane took her daughter to Vegas for her 21st birthday to celebrate, and won't be back until Thursday, leaving me to get the turkey ready all by myself. Not a big deal, but it is tiring. In her letters she is talking a lot about working the program, but is still not doing it. It is interesting - they won't let her wear her hair in her face at all any more. She is finally in a full uniform - only took close to two months. It is funny, she is complaining about all the drama in her group - yet she is the queen of drama. It will be hard to have Thanksgiving without her, but we will get by.
M-

Any progress is good news.

Katie finally said happy birthday, only a month late. But at least she is trying. She needs more underwear and socks and bras - things her mother said she was going to help with and send. So I guess it is time to make another box and ship it off. Oh, and shoes. She left with her 'chucks' as she calls them, and needs more shoes. She also sent a huge collection of home drawn cards - at least she is exercising the artistic side of herself a bit. And then the big news - she finally worked her way out of Orange! She is also starting to lose some weight, and that is a great thing. She is finally scheduled for Orientation - the same time as when we are in Discovery. So things are finally looking up a bit.
M-

Keeping up with the news

It is hard writing every week when the letters take so long to get there and come back - they end up being disjointed. In each one you end up responding to things that are by then weeks old. But I do try. I tell here recent news around the home. Her brother is going on the 8th grade Washington DC trip - the same one she got pulled from the year before because of ending up in the hospital. Everyone on the BBS system for the school keeps saying that we need to go to Discovery, and we are looking forward to it, even though it is 4 weeks away.
M-

Frustration

Got her letter today. Of course it is a week old. Have I said how much I hate snail mail? She has a bit of frustration in it - frustration at still being in orange on on staff buddy, frustration at seeing other girls get into their full uniforms, frustration at herself. On and on. And then the tone switches. She says she wants to do this, but the proof is in her actually doing it.
M-

Nearing Halloween

Things at home are quite hectic. The new roof is finished, but the computer died, so I have to write her on my work PC (you don't want to have to read my handwriting). I have been a bit shocked at the amount of demerits that she is getting - 1400 in one week. Is she trying to set a record or what? I talked to Katie's mom - who claims she has been out of town and will write to her. She hasn't written to Katie since she got to the school. My mom also wrote Katie a letter, which I added to mine. I don't know when she will start working the program, but they keep saying that they will progress at their own pace.
M-

Letter update

The final oriententation phone call. These last two assignments weren't bad. One was to register for Discovery - we did that. The second was to go over what violations Katie would have made in the last three months at home, had she been in the program. Whoa, but she would have racked up a huge amount of demerits. But who am I kidding, she IS racking up a huge amount of demerits already.
Mike

Final Orientation

The final oriententation phone call. These last two assignments weren't bad. One was to register for Discovery - we did that. The second was to go over what violations Katie would have made in the last three months at home, had she been in the program. Whoa, but she would have racked up a huge amount of demerits. But who am I kidding, she IS racking up a huge amount of demerits already.
Mike

Crayon Letter

Interesting. Must be because she is in staff buddy - the lowest level at the school where she has to be with a staff member at all times, but her letters are in crayon. I got one this weekend. She is already learning a lot of the program language - but she is obviously not following it, as she is still not our of her orange jumpsuit yet. She did try a little manipulation in her letter - about not being worth the money we are spending on the school. But I'm not going to let that stop us - Diane and I know this is for the best.
Mike

Slow mail

I have not heard back from Katie for a while. Using snail mail is sure slow - it looks like it takes a full week for us to get her letters. I wrote her again, giving her more family news. Diane and I have also signed up for Discovery - this is the first of several seminars for parents. It is in Chicago on December 2nd. Looks interesting. Of course, that means I have to sell my Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets that I got for my birthday, as it is the same weekend, and there is no way I can get back from Chicago in 1 hour to make the concert on Sunday night. Katie managed to screw up my birthday last year too. It may be childish, but I am feeling a bit resentful of her for it.
Mike

More Parent Orientation

We continued with the parent orientation. Chapter 3's assignment was to sign and send off a commitment letter - stating that Katie was in the program until she graduated, period. Chapter four was to log onto the bulletin board and make a post. I did that last week already, once I got access. The board is a little cliquish - there seem to be small groups that talk a lot, and it is hard to get in on those. Also, it is only our school, we can't see the boards for other schools. Plus there is a board to announce parent support group meetings - but nothing is being announced in ohio - bummer.
Mike

Happy Birthday to me.

God I feel old.
Mike

Therapist

Finally had a chance to talk with her therapist. He seems like a real good guy. His first impression of Katie - "she is a trip". I think that is a clinical term :-). It does help a little bit to get some validation that hey, maybe we aren't crazy and she really can use this. So now we are on a weekly schedule, one week with the therapist, the next week with the family representative. Plus I'm doing the parent orientation on the phone. It has gone from no information to quite a lot very quickly. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable about all of this now at least.
Mike

Parent Orientation

I started my parent orientation with the parent co-ordinator. This is a series of phone calls to help get me familiar with the program, and review the Parent Orientation Handbook. Kara is nice and able to answer several of my questions - and then at the end she gives me homework. Just like in school - oh joy. I have to write up a full description as to why we put Katyln in the program for chapter 1, and for chapter 2 I had to describe what happened when she didn't get her way, and how she handled it, as well as what techniques she used to get her way. Interesting reflection on things.
Mike

My answer

I wrote her back. Most of my letter was simply news from home, what is going on in everyone's life here. I wanted her to know she is still part of the family, but also what she is missing out on. I told her how sharing love just makes it grow, and that when I remarried it did not mean I loved her any less. And I wrote about how small she was when she was born, and what a fighter she was in the ICU struggling to breath for her first few hours of life. I think about that a lot, the image of my newborn daughter, still covered with blood from her birth, laying in an oxygen tent as we waited to see if she would live. I feel a bit of that again now - waiting to see if she is going to choose life over the self-destructive path she was on.
Mike

The first letter

I finally get my first letter from Katie. Very brief, but filled with a bunch of attempts to induce guilt. Lines like "I guess now you can have a happier time with your wife" - made me want to tear my heart out, and at the same time made me angry at the manipulation I felt behind it. It is also very frustrating that letters take a week to get here - this was dated 9/24 - the day after she arrived. It will be really hard to keep up any kind of corespondence with that big of gaps in it.
Mike