Minor update, not much to say

Phone call with Katie yesterday. It started pleasant enough, but we eventually dug a bit deeper and defintiely got her a but more uncomfortable. It seems so easy for her to say she is going to work on this or that - so we challenged her to now work on things, but to DO them. Not to work on voting up to level 3 next week, but to DO IT.
I'm a pure geek. So in the words of Yoda, there is no try. There is do or do not.
Now is the time to do it.
She has decideded that she probably won't make PC III in April - we had to correct her that there was no probably - she did not qualify at all for it. She has decided she is now shooting for October graduation. I honestly don't see that happening, though there is a slight chance. My goal is to get some type of home contract started for when the money is gone in August.
*sigh*

Sacrifices

That is one thing that does happen with this program, or so it seems to me.

The most obvious one is, of course, the cost. For those of use who aren't independantly wealthy, or are just middle class, the cost si significant. $4300 a month - for 30 months now. Five more now to go. The loan payments are close to breaking us.

Of course, then there are the seminars. Those cost both time and money. I don't regret them at all, but it does seem to me that they have a knack for falling when I have other plans. I had gotten concert tickets for my birthday years ago, that I had to sell because Discovery was that weekend. We just found out the dates for June's PCIII, which is what we are really hoping Katie will make. And it is the exact same time as the Origins gaming convention that I go to every year. I guess it is good that I haven't bought the very expensive 4 day passes there yet - because they are non-refundable. Of course we won't know if she is going until the end of May, so everything is up in the air completely. I haven't told her brothers yet - one has scout camp that week anyway so can't go, but the other two were hoping to go (and now the oldest will probably have to pick the youngest up from scout camp as well - good thing he has his driver's license finally!)

I sound petty, self centered and greedy, but there does come a time when you don't want to keep giving up things for your children - or even more, sacrificing something for one child for another. And it isn't short term either - the financial sacrifices will be ongoing for the next what, 28 years? Katie will be older that I am now before I have her loans paid off.

Being a parent is hard, I know that. But one of the keys to being a good parent is showing your children how to be well adjusted adults. Unfortunately sacrificing for your children doesn't always show that - very often it shows a child that everyone should sacrifice for them, rather than showing that people should sacrifice for others (indulging kids gives you spoiled adults, it does not give adults who indulge their own kids).

I guess I'm just venting.

Like pulling teeth

Actually that isn't quite accurate - it was pulling teeth. Specifically Katie's wisdom teeth.
They have been bothering her for some time. When they first started to come in we tried to wait, hoping she would be home to have them out. Yeah. :-)
So on our call three weeks ago 'S' tells me that they are really hurting her, so I say go ahead, and 'S' says she will send me the information to get the billing set up. Two weeks later, 'S' is sick but emails me, saying we really need to get this set up, and FINALLY sends the dr. information. So I call them on Friday, get the forms, fax them back, and send 'S' an email Monday morning saying everything is good to go, and she says she will make the appointment.
Of course, the next thing I expected would be to hear when things were scheduled. Not an unreasonable expectation from my point of view. This is my daughter after all, and it does require general anesthesia, so there is some minor risk. Just a quick one-line email giving the time of the appointment, or a 30 second call. When I don't hear anything back immediately, I'm not at all concerned - I know how long it takes to get in anywhere around here - usually several weeks out at best.
So I get a call at lunch today. From the oral surgeon's office. No, it wasn't any question about her appointment, or billing or anything. It was letting me know that the extractions had gone fine and she was recovering well! WTF!?! I took it in stride, she is doing great. Like a duck.
So is it unreasonable to expect them to let me know AHEAD OF TIME when my daughter is going in for non-emergency surgery? Am I out of line here? I'm not one to worry, but I do like to be informed.
It isn't like I hadn't heard from 'S' this week. I sent her and ben an email detailing the financial information. Because I feel that we are all on the same team, all working together, and to do that we need clear and open communication. But it seems that I may be the only one who feels that way.
Now this week would be our call with 'B, but he is out this week, so we had it last week. After two and a half years I've learned that they aren't very pro-active on the communication front there, but I feel this is rather ridiculous.
I haven't decided if I'm going to call 'S', or just wait to see if she can find the time in her busy schedule to bother letting me know that my daughter had surgery and came through it fine.
(Would have been nice to have been able to send her a get well card that had a snowballs chance to get there before she was fully recovered as well, since snail mail takes at least a week to get there and even longer to get back here).

And here I thought I wouldn't have anything to update my blog with this week :-)

No Soup For You!!!

Well we heard back from Teen Help - and to paraphrase the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld - No Loan for You!

I have to look at this in a slightly positive way - we are having a very hard making the payments we currently have, let alone more.

Now comes the time to empty Diane's IRA - that will hurt come tax time but I feel it is important that we get Katie to 18 at least. It is funny, we like to joke that we can never afford to retire - but that isn't funny anymore.

With the next PC III being April 14th, it would mean that Katie would have to be level 5 by Friday to make it, and if things went well she made level 2 today. So that is out. Which means maybe PC III in June.

So at this point I really doubt we will be able to keep her in until she can graduate, as the earliest she could would be October, and that would be without any further hiccups, and I really doubt that would be a possibility. Most likely she will be coming home in time to start her senior year - that would make the most sense to have her here in time for school to start.

Update

We had our call with Katie last night - 'B' will be on vacation next week, so we switched. It went ok - nothing huge. Still level 1, but maybe 2 next week. One thing is that she is learning to do some self-analysis - kind of doing therapy sessions with herself instead of a therapist. This is actually a good, and powerful thing, and I view it as progress.

Her wisdom teeth are really bothering her, so I need to call the oral surgeon in a little bit and get that arranged. We were hoping they would hold out until she was home, but that isn't to be.

As for the loan, we are working on re-submitting co-signed by my dad (thanks mom & dad) - we'll see what happens then.

Oliver

The parallels to Oliver are even worse this time.

"Please sir, may I have some more?"

"NO", and then the beating begin.

No loan. I called "aunt sallie" and they aren't even sure why they turned it down, but will try to get more information. So I need to call them back on Friday to see why they decided that I make enough, but don't have enough of a credit history to get this loan.

So now we see if we can get a co-signer. From Oliver to Animal House.
*WHACK*
"Thank you sir, may I have another?"
*WHACK*

Frustrated and worried

I got a letter from Sallie Mae this weekend, saying that they turned us down for the next loan claiming "Limited credit experience". WTF!?! What the hell is that? Don't give me that I don't have a long enough credit history - heck I've had loans with them for 18 months, plus the other student loan, my friggin house and car (paid off), and credit cards. I could see them saying that it was too much, over extended or one of the other reasons, but I don't know what this one means.

So I'm worried and concerned. I need to talk to the guy helping us at Teen Help to see what to do next. Do we try to get a co-signer - and who? Does we try with someone else (the first loan isn't with Sallie Mae, so that isn't the only option out there)?

If we can't get the loan at all, then what? Katie is currently paid up to March 22nd, and we have just a tiny bit ($640) over, which would be what - four more days? Diane and I both have our 401-K's, which are a possibility. If we were to close out Diane's then that would be real close to covering the next six months. I feel guilty about asking that while leaving mine alone. However I still have the company match going into mine, and she doesn't. My company changed their 401-k provider and policy to only allow for 1 loan - which I already have. So I'd have to take a withdrawal (and it is allowed for tuition). However I'd have to stop putting in for six months if I did that, and lose the company match I get for that (which would be about $3k), making it an even bigger hit.

So I talk to our guy tomorrow, and then see. I so hate this waiting and not knowing. I really don't want to have to pull her. Even if we waited until she was 18 and then we pulled her at least then it wouldn't feel so bad. Especially since if we had to pull her now she would be back in the house and we wouldn't have a choice.

At 18 we could do an exit plan and life contract of some sort. I really was hoping we could at least get through PC III anymore to get the life contract started, even if we couldn't keep her there until graduation.

I just don't know anymore.

Out of orange, again.

Well, for what seems to be the zillionth :-) time Katie is out of orange. I had our call with 'S', and she is still working. She is thinking she wants to make PC III in April, but June is much more doable. But at least she is working.

Unfortunately, her wisdom teeth are really bothering her now, so I guess it is time for them to go. I had been hoping that they would wait until she got home, but we can all see that my hopes lately are pretty irrelevent to the real world :-).

I sent in my load application for another six months on Wednesday, now it is just a matter of waiting. I hate the wait. *sigh*

*smack*
Thanks you sir, may I have another?
*smack*

Three steps forward, two steps back

We had our call last night (actually Diane wasn't on it, she was still in Vegas at a convention she attended after PC II). It was good. Katie is very positive about being in Orange, and seems to be willing to start working. She has been trying this week to be very diligent about her integrity - the question for me is can/will she keep it up?

I just take some comfort in that each time she slips, she doesn't seem to slip quite as far back as she did the previous time. Kind of a three steps forward, two steps back type of thing.

PC II

Well, we did PC II this weekend. It was a very strong, powerful seminar, and I think it did a lot of good. Unfortunately Katie was back in some of her old patterns, and these definitely came out. Specifically breaking rules, and then trying to hide the fact. Most of the things were, in her words, "Stupid little stuff" - but it was more the fact that she was trying to hide it than what she was doing.

So she was given the opportunity to show everyone there what a "come clean" looks like, but didn't do it, at least not in the large group. But she is doing it - part of it will include a full letter of all the little things.

The question is how will she handle it now? How will she deal with being back in Orange? Will she turn it around and work to get back where she was? Or will she sit.

Unfortunately, to make the next PC III she would have to be voted up a level EVERY week for the next month, and I just don't think she will. She would have to be at level 5 for four weeks for the seminar. Since you are supposed to be at level 4 for PC II that isn't that hard, but since she had dropped just before the seminar to level 2, and now is back in orange, well we will just see.

It is a bit disheartening for me, to be able to see a big difference in her, yet still find her not fully working the program.

Getting Ready for PC II

Well, I talked briefly with 'S' this afternoon. Instead of going up to get off Jeopardy on Monday, Katie instead dropped to level 2. She did vote back up to level 3 today however. But that means she won't be going to the last basketball game tomorrow, so we won't be driving the extra hour up and back to go to it. But we are still on for PC II.

'S' says that Katie has a lot of things to talk with us about - oh boy! :-)

She then called me back asking about Katie's meds. We save quite a bit (though with the insurance changes every year it is less than it was) doing mail order for meds, so they have been forwarding the scripts. Unfortunately, even though the script was dated 1/4/08 we didn't get it until this weekend, and of course we haven't gotten the new pills in yet. So they will have to go and try to get a few weeks or so - that is more wonderful news.

I do get frustrated that they seem to lose track of some of these things (I don't think it took a month to get the script here in the mail). But then, it is only money, not like that is a big deal for anybody!

But I guess using sarcasm is just hiding a bit of anger and frustration on my part.

Good / Fun call

We had our call with Katie and the therapist 'B' last night, and it was both working and fun. She is still on Jeopardy, and we discussed that. We talked a bit about emotions, and Katie was saying that she would feel something then mentally yell at herself because the feelings were irrational.

I talked about that, saying myself that ALL feelings are irrational, by definition. Emotions are not rational, they simply are. That is one of the differences between thought and feeling - feelings are never rational, though is something that we do try to be rational. It is these two factors that should be in balance - and they are both part of being human.

So we processed not that her feelings were irrational, but more of why she was having these feelings come up, especially because there is a new girl in the group who strongly reminds her of one of her old, non-working friends. I think we made some good progress there.

We then got pretty far off track (the fun part actually) just discussing some of the 'facts of life' and the fact that she is quickly approaching 18, and yes is starting to notice more things in boys (and men) (such as how certain men smell good, and some of the biology about that (and the fact the teenage boys do stink - another fact of biology (and (at least for three more weeks) I have three teenage boys, so I can vouch for that fact (my oldest turns 20 on the 19th))).

It was a good call. We are really looking forward to PC II next week, and she has no idea we are coming - even better. I'll have to get my head back in seminar mode however - haven't done that in quite a while as well.

No Pass for You

Well, Katie is still on Jeopardy. She might get off before PC II, we don't know at this point. So she might still have some sort of pass, but as of right now she doesn't.

So I'm booking my return flight for Monday from PCII. If she does earn a pass then we can do one day on Sunday (why take a red-eye Sunday night if I'm still going to miss work on Monday anway, when I can take a non-stop during the day?).

First call

We had our first call with 'S' on Friday, and she was very nice. While we are going to miss 'A', 'S' does seem to be on the ball.

Katie is going to go up to get off of Jeopardy today, and 'S' says that she has been working hard, though still has some honesty issues and the rebuilding of trust to work on . We are set for PC II in less than two weeks, but still don't know if Katie has earned another pass with that or not ('S' is supposed to find out this morning on that).

It also turns out that the last regular season basketball game for the girls is on the night we fly out, so we also are having her check to see if it is ok if we go to it (we probably won't be able to make the freshman game (at least not all of it), but should be able to be there for all of the varsity game). I don't know if Katie has been going to any of the away games as manager, or if she will be there at all. Still, it isn't like we have anything else to do that evening before PC II anyway (though I have seen some people talking about meeting at a local restaurant).

firming up plans

Some changes. I don't remember (and I'm too lazy to check) if I mentioned, but we have a new family rep now - 'S'. 'A' didn't leave, but is now doing staff instead. She will be missed.

We actually have our first real call with 'S' tomorrow night, but I did talk with her briefly yesterday, to find out the status on Katie and the next seminar. She is still in Jeopardy, and still not supported for level 5, so no PC III. Instead we will do PC II the weekend before.

Not completely bad news, though not good. We had other plans on the PC III weekend, so we can now do them. What it does mean is at best we could do PC III in April, which would put, at best, PC IV in August. Of course, throughout this entire time, when has anything worked out under the best case?

What we still have to find out tomorrow night is if she gets another pass with PC II. If so then we could do the two days (Sun-Mon) afterward. Diane has her realtor's convention on that Tuesday, so she has to be back in Vegas for that, and I'll fly hom then. If she doesn't have a pass then I'll fly home on Monday.

But we did get cheap flights out (though I haven't booked mine back yet, as I don't know which day I'm returning), and I don't think we will need a room for her, as she won't be at level 5 so she won't be staying overnight with us.

We are also going to ask about going to the last girls basketball game - it is away about an hour north from her school. I don't know if it would be an issue, or if she would even go. Making the freshman game will be a bit of a rush - we basically would have to go straight there from the airport and not loose much time getting out of Vegas (arrive 1 pm, lose and hour, drive for 3 - that is the start time of the game). But then she isn't with the freshman, she is a manager for the varsity team anyway. But we have to ask 'S' about that as well.

Songs in my head

Lately it seems like I constantly have songs running through my head - like someone has picked a soundtrack for my life, but it constantly gets stuck for hours at a time (even in my sleep). So last night on our call with 'B' another one hit, and I almost laughed out loud (and it wasn't funny).

Katie is on Jeopardy (and no, it isn't the Jeopardy theme, but the Greg Kihn song ("Our loves in Jeopardy"), or even worse, the Weird Al Parody ("I lost on Jeopardy") right now.
A part of me should feel frustrated (not about the music going on over and over and over again in my head) because there is a good chance we won't be doing PC III next month now, instead doing PC II a week earlier. Which of course would mean at least 2 more months before a possible graduation. But I'm not, because learning to deal with these setbacks is exactly what she needs.

I am frustrated because I hate being in this limbo state of not knowing what is going to happen, not being able to plan (and in this case not being able to book our flights). But in a way I'm almost relieved, because it has been so long since we did PC I (back in April of 2006), doing PC II wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. Ben suggested the possibility of doing both, but we just can't swing that (it would mean us being out there for almost 2 weeks, and there just isn't any way we can afford that, nor can leave Katie's two brothers home for that length of time at once (they are good boys, but even so 4-6 days is quite a bit, evne with people checking in on them (and we have no relatives around either, except their older brother who can't just take a couple weeks off from college))). And we don't know if she would have a pass with PC II like she will with PC III.
So still we wait. We will call Ben mid-week next week to get a final determination, as we will run up against that wonderful 14-day advance purchase limitation to get out there.

So I don't see this as a bad thing, either way. But I do want it to be settled, that is where my frustrations are right now.

More progress

We talked with 'A' last night - she had to reschedule our normal call. Still good all around - Katie is on manor service, and only needs a little over 200 more points for level 5 - she is hoping to go up next week. So it really looks like we will be doing PC III in February.

I didn't realize that the pass with PC III was an overnight one. Right now it looks like we would just do two days though - with travel and all even that is pushing it for the amount that we can be gone. I laughed though, because for the first time CC's scheduling is actually in our favor, slightly. Diane has a conference in Vegas right before PC III, so the night before I have to drive back there to pick her up (I'm hoping to come in a couple of days early for the pass). Having to have Katie back by 8 pm the night before works out well for us then!

Now we just have to get final confirmation next week that she is eligible so we can actually book the flights etc. And figure out how to pay for them of course. That is not getting any easier.

New Year, good start

We had our weelky call with Katie and 'B' last night. Diane and I laughed a bit, because Katie comes in and says she has to cut the call short (to about 20 minutes) because of the basketball game. We both immediately responded that we should then whine about it for 15 minutes - and Katie immediately caught it and said NO! We didn't of course, but it was fun turning that table on her (and it actually worked out fine for us as we had dinner reservations anyway for Diane's Birthday).

The call was really good, going over her pass as well as her new years goals. She was commended on them by both 'B' and 'A' because instead of the 3 or 4 pages of junk she usually did she simply had a few, straightforward concise goals.

We talked a bit about how realistic they were - she is saying she wants to graduate high school there - but that would mean she needs something like 9 more credits after what she is already taking now, and we said that just wasn't realistic. What would be realistic is for her to complete her junior year by this summer, so that when she gets out she will be where she should be in school.

She has started the 18 year old meetings, and is staffing the pre-discovery meetings. She is also working on her points, and she thinks she can go up for level 5 next week (she should be able to be voted up and just wait to complete the staffing). Angie said we should know by the 15th if she is going to make it for PC III in February.

It is such a change to start talking about her actually coming home. We have not wavered on our committment, but she is really working to make PC IV in June. One way or the other she will be out of there in about 9 months (at most) (either graduating in June or August, or because she turns 18 in July and leaves, or the last loan (assuming we get it) runs out at the end of the September).

Weekly update

I had a call with 'A' last night, and Katie is still doing well. She is still a little over excited after the pass, and they are watching that to make sure it doesn't go back into old patterns.

Looks like we will know by January 15th if she is going to be level 5 in time for PC3 in February, or we will be doing PC2 the weekend before instead. One thing is that PC2/3 comes with another 3 day pass - and there really isn't any way we can do that as well - that would actually put us gone for 8 days (3 days for the seminar, 3 for the pass, 2 for travel). Not really doable, though we will look into maybe adding a day before/after for a pass.

Katie has over 1000 pts (needs 1600), and needs her staffing credit, which they are going to schedule for her this week I believe, and then support for level 5 of course.

We are going to talk again after the PC about putting her through the opposite side of the process that she was on before. This is where other girls were going into Orange for things she did - now we want to have her go into Orange for what someone else does. I see this as beneficial for two reasons - the first and most important is to make sure she can deal with setbacks. So far every time she has hit a bump in the road she has completely derailed and blown it, and we want to make sure she can handle this. The second is to simply give her a chance to see the other side. I mentioned to 'A' that you do learn a lot being on the other side of any process, and she agreed.

'A' went and checked Katie's weight - she is currently 240, down 31 lbs since she came in. Not the 175 she claimed, which we knew was not realistic, but still that is good. I think she may have grown a bit taller as well, as she is big but not huge. When Katie and Diane went shopping for some jeans she was able to find and fit a pair of 20's right off the wrack - which she had never been able to do before.

We also talked about the religion issue a bit, and Katie had led 'A' to believe that we were Mormon - she never told her that it was just her mom, and she had just been baptised in the Mormon church right a month or so before she got there, and that only a few months after being baptised in the Baptist church.

So a good call, and more progress.

Back at Home

We are home, and I'm back at work (such fun), but luckily it is always very slow between Christmas and New Year here.

The pass with Katlyn went great! She and Diane had a real nice girls time, doing some shopping for her. Katie was so happy to be able to go and pick a pair of jeans right off the rack and have them fit without problems! I'm going to have 'A' check to see exactly how much weight she has lost in the program - Katie is saying 175 lbs but that is not realistic (it would mean that she was either over 350 going in, or is now less than 125, and neither of those is true).

We had some good conversations, and even had the opportunity to deal with some issues at the St. George mall, which was good. One thing that was very powerful, which we almost forgot but remembered Sunday afternoon, was for Katie to do an exercise with letting go of her mother. She wrote her a letter, then tied it to a balloon and released it. A lot of tears, but watching it float off into the moonlight was pretty powerful, and she said that she really felt like a bit burden was lifted from her.

We managed to do just about everything on her list for her pass, including all the food all the girls wanted her to eat for them (with pictures for her to show them!). She said that all the girls were so excited to smell the chlorine in her hair when she went back on Saturday night after we had gone swimming!

Then it was over. All to quick, but a very good visit. We can actually see the beautiful young woman that would be welcome back in our home in the future.

Now we just hope this inspires her to keep working.