Things were going well. So we thought. Then I get a call yesterday - and Katie is suspended from school for three days, for walking off school grounds, and having tobaco on school property. Basically a person who lives near the school saw a bunch of kids smoking in their yard so called the school, and when they came back they were busted.
She managed to come up with something not in the home contract. It will be though. It is a cat 4 - immediate loss of all points and levels.
Diane is so mad she can't see straight, not only about the suspension but also the smoking.
While I don't like he smoking, she is eighteen, and it is not illegal. It will not happen in the house.
Now we are also having some interpretation issues on the contract - she has no unsurpervised activities - but does that mean she isn't allowed to leave the house at all? I am not a prison guard, this is not a jail.
If she is going to smoke, I'd rather know about it, and I have less of an issue with her walking across the street to do it - but Diane has major issues.
Diane is also upset with how I'm handling this, though she hasn't all I've been able to determine is that I didn't yell enough - though I don't see where that would have helped at all.
At minimum it is going to be a bit tense around here for a while.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
So much to do, so little time
I seem to have no time to update my blogs lately - and never think of them when I'm at home.
Katie is doing well. She has started her job, and just got a savings and checking account today. She has started to find the joy of working (i.e. there is none, but at least you get paid).
Katie is doing well. She has started her job, and just got a savings and checking account today. She has started to find the joy of working (i.e. there is none, but at least you get paid).
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Four years ago today
Hard to believe now that Katie is back home and doing reasonably well, but it was four years ago today that we had her escorted to the school. (Ok, technically it was a 2 am in the morning, but the date was the same). I didn't even think about it until she mentioned it.
I hope it was worth it.
I hope it was worth it.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
First day at work
Yesterday was Katie's first day at her new job - delayed because of the storm. She was fairly nervous and excited the night before, and when I got home Diane said she looked good in her uniform.
Then she got home - and reality had reached up and smacked her in the face big time. She wasn't at all happy about having to start her training by busing tables. And was extremely tired - so much so that her ride came this morning and we got a call they were waiting outside - though she was up I'm thinking she might have dozed off waiting.
It will be interesting to see her reaction to her first check, and how much our dear old uncle takes out of it!
Then she got home - and reality had reached up and smacked her in the face big time. She wasn't at all happy about having to start her training by busing tables. And was extremely tired - so much so that her ride came this morning and we got a call they were waiting outside - though she was up I'm thinking she might have dozed off waiting.
It will be interesting to see her reaction to her first check, and how much our dear old uncle takes out of it!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Among the gainfully employed!
Katie went in for a 2nd interview yesterday, and got the job at a local Frisch's Big Boy! One of the best parts it is all of 2-3 blocks from the house - walking distance even in winter and bad weather (she was a little disappointed when I said that no, I was not giving her a ride to the interview yesterday).
This will help to fill some of her time now - between school, the job, church and her wanting to help out with the band she will definitely be busy. I did specify that she has some priorities - school first, then the job, and then the other stuff.
Her first day is Friday. I don't know how long she will be there - but Friday is also a home football game - so I'm guess she won't be able to help out there like she did at the first one. But those are choices we all have to make in life.
This will help to fill some of her time now - between school, the job, church and her wanting to help out with the band she will definitely be busy. I did specify that she has some priorities - school first, then the job, and then the other stuff.
Her first day is Friday. I don't know how long she will be there - but Friday is also a home football game - so I'm guess she won't be able to help out there like she did at the first one. But those are choices we all have to make in life.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Teenagers and relationships
I'm not yet so old that I can't still remember being a teenager - and remembering that it sucks. High school sucks. Hormones raging through your body sucks. Puberty sucks.
Of course, then you graduate, get a job, an life goes downhill from there :-)
Katie is struggling a bit with relationships. I feel for her, but I can't take this burden, of learning how to deal with people, from her. Being so sheltered for the past three years doesn't help in the real world. She needs to learn both to be more open in some situations, and much, much less in others.
She likes a boy. I don't know at this point if the feelings are reciprocated or not. And it won't be simply either way. Problem is she told another girl, who then turned around and started flirting with him - not a good thing, but a typical teenage girl thing.
Then it didn't help that she got a bad sunburn on her face this weekend helping with the band. That is really hurting her self confidence. Which isn't a good thing, because she has a 2nd job interview tonight. It will be great if she gets this though - because it less than three blocks from the house! (Though she was a bit upset that I wouldn't give her a ride there this evening - I doubt I will even be home in time to.)
One other thing - it looks like the September issue of the schools newsletter is out - with an article by Katie in it! I do like that they still use it even after she left without graduating.
Of course, then you graduate, get a job, an life goes downhill from there :-)
Katie is struggling a bit with relationships. I feel for her, but I can't take this burden, of learning how to deal with people, from her. Being so sheltered for the past three years doesn't help in the real world. She needs to learn both to be more open in some situations, and much, much less in others.
She likes a boy. I don't know at this point if the feelings are reciprocated or not. And it won't be simply either way. Problem is she told another girl, who then turned around and started flirting with him - not a good thing, but a typical teenage girl thing.
Then it didn't help that she got a bad sunburn on her face this weekend helping with the band. That is really hurting her self confidence. Which isn't a good thing, because she has a 2nd job interview tonight. It will be great if she gets this though - because it less than three blocks from the house! (Though she was a bit upset that I wouldn't give her a ride there this evening - I doubt I will even be home in time to.)
One other thing - it looks like the September issue of the schools newsletter is out - with an article by Katie in it! I do like that they still use it even after she left without graduating.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
The beat goes on
Things are still going ok. Katie earned her level 3 at home this week, which was good. She didn't like facing up to the fact that since she still hasn't been able to find a job, she can't get / do all the things she wants. Specifically the class ring orders were today - and I'm not going to pay for one (I'm not sure it is even worth it) and she was upset about it, but not much I can do about that. She apologized today, but the fact remains that learning the value of a dollar is still a bit lesson for her.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
First days of school
are tiring. Yesterday was the first day, and so of course it meant that we had to do even more school supply shopping last night.
Katie and I had a wee bit of a verbal tussle, though it was as much or more my fault than hers. All over issues that weren't hers, but all the kids, however she just happened to be the one that I unfairly unloaded on, and then she took it way past where it needed to go. So she isn't really talking to me today, but I think after some cooling off it will be better. And the table is FINALLY cleaned off, with baskets for everyone's crap!
I'm a bit concerned that her friend from the program seems to be awol lately - I haven't heard back from her in a few weeks. Nothing much I can do there.
She got home tonight and introduced a friend from church - a girl that used to live close to us back in our old apartment - what over six years ago now? She is a junior, but in her church group as well as school - so it sounds like she has a friend at school finally, which is a really good thing. I didn't recognize her AT ALL, but then kids do grow quite a bit over the years.
Katie and I had a wee bit of a verbal tussle, though it was as much or more my fault than hers. All over issues that weren't hers, but all the kids, however she just happened to be the one that I unfairly unloaded on, and then she took it way past where it needed to go. So she isn't really talking to me today, but I think after some cooling off it will be better. And the table is FINALLY cleaned off, with baskets for everyone's crap!
I'm a bit concerned that her friend from the program seems to be awol lately - I haven't heard back from her in a few weeks. Nothing much I can do there.
She got home tonight and introduced a friend from church - a girl that used to live close to us back in our old apartment - what over six years ago now? She is a junior, but in her church group as well as school - so it sounds like she has a friend at school finally, which is a really good thing. I didn't recognize her AT ALL, but then kids do grow quite a bit over the years.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Irregularity
(In posting at least).
I have noticed that without the regulararity of a phone call every week, I don't seem to have the regular point to post an update.
Things are going fairly well. Some communication issues for Katie, both with her older brother (now temporarily resolved since he has moved into his apartment two hours away) and with the rest of us, but we are trying to work through it.
Next week starts school - this will be really good as Katie has been very bored every day with nothing to do. Plus her Mormon Seminary class starts monday as well - at 5:50 AM every morning. That will truly show here committment to get herself up every morning at 5 and get over there.
I have noticed that without the regulararity of a phone call every week, I don't seem to have the regular point to post an update.
Things are going fairly well. Some communication issues for Katie, both with her older brother (now temporarily resolved since he has moved into his apartment two hours away) and with the rest of us, but we are trying to work through it.
Next week starts school - this will be really good as Katie has been very bored every day with nothing to do. Plus her Mormon Seminary class starts monday as well - at 5:50 AM every morning. That will truly show here committment to get herself up every morning at 5 and get over there.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Honeymoon Continues...
Well, things are still going ok. Jon is now in his apartment so THAT sibling rivalry won't be going on every day. Matt is at Scout Leadership Camp and doesn't get home until Monday. Hope he's having a good time. Katie will have just gotten back from church, and Mike and Erik are out mowing lawns. I'm at work.
School is fast approaching, just 8 calendar days away. So I guess this week will consist of school shopping. Oh boy. I'll probably take both the boys together, and then just Katie so we can have some girl time. She is much pickier about the clothes she wears now, which I'm glad. She has learned more feminine ways while at school. She take care of her hair, wears makeup very lightly, and keeps saying how she enjoys being a girl. Oh, and her senior pics are Friday.
Two of the biggest things that seem to be popping up all of a sudden are "crushes" on two boys. One is from her church, the other is her brothers' friend, and also goes to church with her. Both are 2 years younger than her. I've talked with her a bit about the brothers friend, saying that would be a REALLY bad thing to pursue, and she seemed to understand, but these feelings are all so new to her and she's unsure how to deal with them. Mike and I both can see that these crushes are probably because they are the only two boys that really have talked and paid attention to her. That worries us a bit. In a way that is typical -- she used to be all over someone that showed her any attention, and practically buying their friendship. This is pretty much the same, except the stakes could be higher. We've always thought that she would marry and get pregnant (and possibly not in that order) the first boy that says he love her.
She is still trying to do too much for everyone. Still trying to make her brothers see that her way is "right", but all in all, I think we're doing ok. Her maturity level is more where I think it should be, not overly mature, but not always acting like a little girl, either.
We'll keep plugging away.
-D
School is fast approaching, just 8 calendar days away. So I guess this week will consist of school shopping. Oh boy. I'll probably take both the boys together, and then just Katie so we can have some girl time. She is much pickier about the clothes she wears now, which I'm glad. She has learned more feminine ways while at school. She take care of her hair, wears makeup very lightly, and keeps saying how she enjoys being a girl. Oh, and her senior pics are Friday.
Two of the biggest things that seem to be popping up all of a sudden are "crushes" on two boys. One is from her church, the other is her brothers' friend, and also goes to church with her. Both are 2 years younger than her. I've talked with her a bit about the brothers friend, saying that would be a REALLY bad thing to pursue, and she seemed to understand, but these feelings are all so new to her and she's unsure how to deal with them. Mike and I both can see that these crushes are probably because they are the only two boys that really have talked and paid attention to her. That worries us a bit. In a way that is typical -- she used to be all over someone that showed her any attention, and practically buying their friendship. This is pretty much the same, except the stakes could be higher. We've always thought that she would marry and get pregnant (and possibly not in that order) the first boy that says he love her.
She is still trying to do too much for everyone. Still trying to make her brothers see that her way is "right", but all in all, I think we're doing ok. Her maturity level is more where I think it should be, not overly mature, but not always acting like a little girl, either.
We'll keep plugging away.
-D
Monday, August 11, 2008
Continuing on
Which is you can do. Katie has earned enough points for level 2 at home now, and things are still going relatively well. She has been having some issues with the older brother Jon, but that actually will resolve itself this weekend as he moves into his apartment on Saturday.
She is registered for school and has her class schedule - which doesn't sound too bad though she has to take two math courses at the same time to graduate, as well as pass the Ohio Graduation Test in October (and a final chance in March). School starts two weeks from tomorrow - hard to believe already.
She is registered for school and has her class schedule - which doesn't sound too bad though she has to take two math courses at the same time to graduate, as well as pass the Ohio Graduation Test in October (and a final chance in March). School starts two weeks from tomorrow - hard to believe already.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
oops
an quick apology to my loyal readers (and you know who both of you are :-) ) for the post yesterday, that was meant for my personal blog, not this one.
So I am at band camp, which means that I haven't seen her all week, though I have talked to her on the phone a couple of times and she still seems to be doing well. Diane and I talked a bit about her home contract and how we do points. She wasn't sure if a category didn't apply one day if she should get 0 points or 2. Since I look at this as building her levels, she shouldn't be penalized (i.e. 0 points) if there is nothing to do - just getting a 'standard' value.
So I am at band camp, which means that I haven't seen her all week, though I have talked to her on the phone a couple of times and she still seems to be doing well. Diane and I talked a bit about her home contract and how we do points. She wasn't sure if a category didn't apply one day if she should get 0 points or 2. Since I look at this as building her levels, she shouldn't be penalized (i.e. 0 points) if there is nothing to do - just getting a 'standard' value.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Day 6
Well things are going pretty well, as I expected. No real issues yet. The biggest thing I notice now (aside form my grocery bill seeming to skyrocket, but that is probably not a direct correlation) is that Katie is simply trying too much, too hard. Jumping into as much as she can, always wanting to help and do everything with everybody.
At our first family meeting on Sunday we discussed this a bit - the fact that she needs to build the relationships back with her brothers, and not just jump into them going full speed ahead.
She is getting involved with her church, and that should be a good thing. She has put in several job applications, also a good thing. So we just keep going for now.
At our first family meeting on Sunday we discussed this a bit - the fact that she needs to build the relationships back with her brothers, and not just jump into them going full speed ahead.
She is getting involved with her church, and that should be a good thing. She has put in several job applications, also a good thing. So we just keep going for now.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Long time no post
I've never been one for journaling, writing in a diary, or keeping track of every bit of food that goes in my mouth and writing in this blog is no different. That's why Mike has written the bulk of entries here.
But right now, Mike is in a car with Katie, heading to the Vegas airport. I've talked with both of them. She said she cried a bit, mostly because she couldn't say goodbye. But she's excited to be coming home, excited to see the boys and Scout. I told her I hope we can have a fresh start and things will go well.
Mike did give her our home contract and she has read it and understands there are new rules to live by.
I didn't sleep well last night. I think I turned off the tv sometime after 3am when Girl, Interuppted was just finishing on HBO. Very apropos, I guess. I am worried that Katie will go back to old ways, and so will I. Mike reminds me that we have more "tools" to use now and we are much stronger as a couple and as a family. I agree, but I still worry. I know she's not "fixed", I know there will be ups and downs. I just really hope that if she chooses to not follow the rules and has to leave the house that she doesn't start cutting, or actually follow thru with her threat of suicide -- which I truly feel was always just a cry for help. Though I know we can't make her do anything anymore, things are HER choices, I would still feel horrible.
I will not hold any past grudges, I am willing to make this a fresh start. The boys, however, are having some problems. There is a lot of anger there towards her, money spent on her that could have been spent for family vacations or other things. They just don't understand why she wouldn't just do what needs to be done and get out of there as soon as she could instead of just sitting there for 3 years. And no one can really answer those things except her. And I have a feeling that those questions will be posed to her in the coming days.
The boys have already tried the "well, I'm sleeping at so-and-so's house on Wednesday night" trick, but we said no, they will welcome her home. It's not a celebration, as it could and should have been, but we will ALL start with a clean slate. Yes, there will be more rules for awhile, and more accountability will be held, but they are going to be alright.
The oldest even said he wishes he could get into his apartment sooner so he just wouldn't have to be around her at all. And I understand his thoughts on this because he's the one that has gotten to talk with her the most and he is the one that she has really ripped into the most, both on the phone and through letters. And he says he's not holding back when she gets home. He will not put up with her trying to push her "program" onto him. I told him I understand but to try to just welcome her home with an open mind and give her a chance.
It's going to be interesting! Stay tuned.
-D
But right now, Mike is in a car with Katie, heading to the Vegas airport. I've talked with both of them. She said she cried a bit, mostly because she couldn't say goodbye. But she's excited to be coming home, excited to see the boys and Scout. I told her I hope we can have a fresh start and things will go well.
Mike did give her our home contract and she has read it and understands there are new rules to live by.
I didn't sleep well last night. I think I turned off the tv sometime after 3am when Girl, Interuppted was just finishing on HBO. Very apropos, I guess. I am worried that Katie will go back to old ways, and so will I. Mike reminds me that we have more "tools" to use now and we are much stronger as a couple and as a family. I agree, but I still worry. I know she's not "fixed", I know there will be ups and downs. I just really hope that if she chooses to not follow the rules and has to leave the house that she doesn't start cutting, or actually follow thru with her threat of suicide -- which I truly feel was always just a cry for help. Though I know we can't make her do anything anymore, things are HER choices, I would still feel horrible.
I will not hold any past grudges, I am willing to make this a fresh start. The boys, however, are having some problems. There is a lot of anger there towards her, money spent on her that could have been spent for family vacations or other things. They just don't understand why she wouldn't just do what needs to be done and get out of there as soon as she could instead of just sitting there for 3 years. And no one can really answer those things except her. And I have a feeling that those questions will be posed to her in the coming days.
The boys have already tried the "well, I'm sleeping at so-and-so's house on Wednesday night" trick, but we said no, they will welcome her home. It's not a celebration, as it could and should have been, but we will ALL start with a clean slate. Yes, there will be more rules for awhile, and more accountability will be held, but they are going to be alright.
The oldest even said he wishes he could get into his apartment sooner so he just wouldn't have to be around her at all. And I understand his thoughts on this because he's the one that has gotten to talk with her the most and he is the one that she has really ripped into the most, both on the phone and through letters. And he says he's not holding back when she gets home. He will not put up with her trying to push her "program" onto him. I told him I understand but to try to just welcome her home with an open mind and give her a chance.
It's going to be interesting! Stay tuned.
-D
Monday, July 21, 2008
T - 44 hours and counting
I leave at 10 tomorrow morning, and will get into Vegas about 2:30 MDT (gaining 2 hours). Then the 2 hour drive to Utah.
I will be at the school at 8:00 am on Wednesday, and our flight out of Vegas it about 3 pm, so I'm hoping to leave by 11, and that shouldn't be a problem. 'B' plans on meeting with Katie and I, and they will get her stuff for us to pack up, and we are out of there. No goodbyes or anything - because we are pulling her we are effectively cut off from the program.
After almost three years, $150, we run out of money and that is it. No support, no access to the BBS, no more seminars, nothing. No reunion keys, no staffing. I don't like it, but it is our choice.
I am not happy about the lack of support for any transition plan from them, but am very grateful for the support we have gotten from local familes we have met through the program. I had really hoped to hav gotten past PC III, to see what we could learn there, and get the free family coaching. But none of that - in 44 hours we are on our own.
We have a home contract, and I think it will work. Her older brother has been working on her room - though he will be VERY busy the next two days to get it cleaned out completely - he had wanted it done last week but as is typical is waiting to the very last minute.
I'm taking Thursday off work since it is her first day home, to help a little with the transition. I have no idea how many clothes she will have from the school - I know she only has one other outfit, that we bought here during our pass before Christmas last year. So that is one of the first things - to get her clothes because after all, she has lost about 30 lbs since she was home over three years ago.
It will be a big change having her home - she hasn't lived here for the past 39 months (except for one week, she left in May of 2005).
I have to hope for the best, and stay strong and live by our values.
I will be at the school at 8:00 am on Wednesday, and our flight out of Vegas it about 3 pm, so I'm hoping to leave by 11, and that shouldn't be a problem. 'B' plans on meeting with Katie and I, and they will get her stuff for us to pack up, and we are out of there. No goodbyes or anything - because we are pulling her we are effectively cut off from the program.
After almost three years, $150, we run out of money and that is it. No support, no access to the BBS, no more seminars, nothing. No reunion keys, no staffing. I don't like it, but it is our choice.
I am not happy about the lack of support for any transition plan from them, but am very grateful for the support we have gotten from local familes we have met through the program. I had really hoped to hav gotten past PC III, to see what we could learn there, and get the free family coaching. But none of that - in 44 hours we are on our own.
We have a home contract, and I think it will work. Her older brother has been working on her room - though he will be VERY busy the next two days to get it cleaned out completely - he had wanted it done last week but as is typical is waiting to the very last minute.
I'm taking Thursday off work since it is her first day home, to help a little with the transition. I have no idea how many clothes she will have from the school - I know she only has one other outfit, that we bought here during our pass before Christmas last year. So that is one of the first things - to get her clothes because after all, she has lost about 30 lbs since she was home over three years ago.
It will be a big change having her home - she hasn't lived here for the past 39 months (except for one week, she left in May of 2005).
I have to hope for the best, and stay strong and live by our values.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
T -6 and counting
We had what was our last weekly therapy call last night - a day early due to a scheduling conflict with 'B' the therapist. It didn't go so great. It surprises me how quick she has wanted to take her exit plan, not two weeks after committing to stay. I'm real curious as to her reaction next Wednesday when she sees me there to bring her home.
One of the girls who was in her group and graduated in March is back in the program - a bit of a disappointment because when I met her she seemed to be doing so well. So even those who graduate don't always work out, and sometimes those who don't graduate do.
Katie also said that she overdid basketball practice on Tuesday, and then fell out of the top bunk and hurt her leg, and is now on crutches. I told 'S', the family rep, to go ahead and let her see the doctor to make sure nothing is really wrong, but this so much seems to be her old behavior.
There is so much to do before I leave on Tuesday, right now it feels overwhelming.
One of the girls who was in her group and graduated in March is back in the program - a bit of a disappointment because when I met her she seemed to be doing so well. So even those who graduate don't always work out, and sometimes those who don't graduate do.
Katie also said that she overdid basketball practice on Tuesday, and then fell out of the top bunk and hurt her leg, and is now on crutches. I told 'S', the family rep, to go ahead and let her see the doctor to make sure nothing is really wrong, but this so much seems to be her old behavior.
There is so much to do before I leave on Tuesday, right now it feels overwhelming.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Not much going on
I feel like we are just marking time, waiting. Some things are going on, but not really too much.
There is a couple we met at the seminars locally here, and Diane and I had dinner with her a few weeks ago to talk about Katie coming home (their son graduated close to two years ago from another school). Then this weekend I had dinner with her again and a really good conversation, including her giving me a copy of her son's contract so we have an idea on what to start with.
Diane dropped off Katie's two younger brothers at the Leadership camp in California yesterday, so I hope that goes well for them - I hope it is both fun and a learning experience for them.
That also means I'm a bachelor for the week - what fun! I hope to start working on the home contract this week.
On our call on Thursday (Katie's 18th birthday as well) things went pretty well. She got support to be back fully on level 3, and chose not to vote up this week until she can show some consistency first - a good sign. Of course now she is working again, once the clock is really ticking.
16 days to go.
There is a couple we met at the seminars locally here, and Diane and I had dinner with her a few weeks ago to talk about Katie coming home (their son graduated close to two years ago from another school). Then this weekend I had dinner with her again and a really good conversation, including her giving me a copy of her son's contract so we have an idea on what to start with.
Diane dropped off Katie's two younger brothers at the Leadership camp in California yesterday, so I hope that goes well for them - I hope it is both fun and a learning experience for them.
That also means I'm a bachelor for the week - what fun! I hope to start working on the home contract this week.
On our call on Thursday (Katie's 18th birthday as well) things went pretty well. She got support to be back fully on level 3, and chose not to vote up this week until she can show some consistency first - a good sign. Of course now she is working again, once the clock is really ticking.
16 days to go.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wow - 200!
Not quit up to the 'We Are Spartans!' level, but 200 posts is something I guess. I almost missed it in fact - I was checking the URL for someone (hoping to get that elusive third reader!) and realized I was at 199!
Time to reflect a bit I guess.
It has been a little less than four years since the troubles really began with Katie. Therapy, three inpatient trips to local hospital teen programs, the summer with her mother, and then moving her to the school. Ups and downs there, but most of it being her resistance to the program - she is nothing if not stubborn.
Diane and I were given a great gift in the adult seminars, graduating Discovery, Focus, and the Keys to Success to become Keyholders, though because the actual 'keys' are now given out only at PC IV we will never receive ours. Giving her brothers the opportunity to go to Discovery, and Focus for the younger ones (coming up next month at the Youth Leadership Camp they will be attending) will, I hope, help them as they get older.
I do believe that Katie would have only have gotten in more trouble had we not sent her to the program. I do fear that she would have gotten pregnant, and probably gotten into drugs, as well as much more alcohol. And she could have ended up dead.
Have we stopped that? I dunno. Postponed it definitely. We have tried to give her tools to live her life, and she has fought us on that. She will not graduate the program, but that is her choice. She will have spent exactly 34 months there when I pick her up - not the longest stay by any means, but way past any 'average', if that existed.
I hope that someone has been able to benefit from my ramblings here. I have tried to be open and honest about what we are going through - just for other parents who might be going through the same thing. I plan to continue to update this, though I don't know the frequency (and eventually she will be on her own, one way or another, and there will be nothing left on my part but the worrying).
So thanks to anyone who has joined us for this journey, and it continues on.
Time to reflect a bit I guess.
It has been a little less than four years since the troubles really began with Katie. Therapy, three inpatient trips to local hospital teen programs, the summer with her mother, and then moving her to the school. Ups and downs there, but most of it being her resistance to the program - she is nothing if not stubborn.
Diane and I were given a great gift in the adult seminars, graduating Discovery, Focus, and the Keys to Success to become Keyholders, though because the actual 'keys' are now given out only at PC IV we will never receive ours. Giving her brothers the opportunity to go to Discovery, and Focus for the younger ones (coming up next month at the Youth Leadership Camp they will be attending) will, I hope, help them as they get older.
I do believe that Katie would have only have gotten in more trouble had we not sent her to the program. I do fear that she would have gotten pregnant, and probably gotten into drugs, as well as much more alcohol. And she could have ended up dead.
Have we stopped that? I dunno. Postponed it definitely. We have tried to give her tools to live her life, and she has fought us on that. She will not graduate the program, but that is her choice. She will have spent exactly 34 months there when I pick her up - not the longest stay by any means, but way past any 'average', if that existed.
I hope that someone has been able to benefit from my ramblings here. I have tried to be open and honest about what we are going through - just for other parents who might be going through the same thing. I plan to continue to update this, though I don't know the frequency (and eventually she will be on her own, one way or another, and there will be nothing left on my part but the worrying).
So thanks to anyone who has joined us for this journey, and it continues on.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Firming up plans
I bought the airline tickets yesterday to go pick up Katie. While not the appropriate blog for it, I am amazed at how some airlines price things - wanting to charge more for a one-way ticket than for a roundtrip!
Anyway, I fly out on July 22nd and back with her on the 23rd. Our flight out of Las Vegas is at 3, and it is a two hour drive (plus time change in our favor), so we will have to be out of there no later than noon, preferably by 11:00 am. Since I get in early enough to actually get some sleep (I get into Vegas a little afte 2 on Tuesday, putting me in Utah easily by 6 (as opposed to getting in at 12:30 am as one flight had it - putting me in Utah just in time for dawn!)) then I can be at the school first thing - I'm not sure how long it will take. So the countdown begins. 15 days until she turns 18, 35 days until she is home.
One thing we have to do is get them an exit plan for when she turns 18 - if she decides to just up an leave. We don't want to tell her we are picking her up - but I really don't want to end up having to get last minute bus tickets a week before the flight, and waste the airline tickets.
We have to get her room ready - her older brother is in it for the summer, and we need to clean his stuff out and make room for her. He moves into an apartment in August, so will have about three weeks of bunking with his younger brother.
This is going to take some adjustment. She hasn't lived at home since she left in May of 2005 - she will have been gone (except for one week) for 38 months, 34 of them in the program). A cost of roughly $150K. And that doesn't include any of the travel or seminar costs for Diane and I. A big part of me wonders if it was worth it. Is worth it - I'll be paying on the student loans for the next 30 years - which is basically the rest of my life. But I guess the real question is what would have happened if we hadn't done this?
Anyway, I fly out on July 22nd and back with her on the 23rd. Our flight out of Las Vegas is at 3, and it is a two hour drive (plus time change in our favor), so we will have to be out of there no later than noon, preferably by 11:00 am. Since I get in early enough to actually get some sleep (I get into Vegas a little afte 2 on Tuesday, putting me in Utah easily by 6 (as opposed to getting in at 12:30 am as one flight had it - putting me in Utah just in time for dawn!)) then I can be at the school first thing - I'm not sure how long it will take. So the countdown begins. 15 days until she turns 18, 35 days until she is home.
One thing we have to do is get them an exit plan for when she turns 18 - if she decides to just up an leave. We don't want to tell her we are picking her up - but I really don't want to end up having to get last minute bus tickets a week before the flight, and waste the airline tickets.
We have to get her room ready - her older brother is in it for the summer, and we need to clean his stuff out and make room for her. He moves into an apartment in August, so will have about three weeks of bunking with his younger brother.
This is going to take some adjustment. She hasn't lived at home since she left in May of 2005 - she will have been gone (except for one week) for 38 months, 34 of them in the program). A cost of roughly $150K. And that doesn't include any of the travel or seminar costs for Diane and I. A big part of me wonders if it was worth it. Is worth it - I'll be paying on the student loans for the next 30 years - which is basically the rest of my life. But I guess the real question is what would have happened if we hadn't done this?
Monday, June 02, 2008
Change in plans / expectations
After our call with 'S' last week, Diane and I have talked a bit. It really looks like that we won't be doing PC III in June, and I'm feeling now that even if she were to make level 4 I don't want her special case'd in. I think that she has gotten all she is going to get out of the school. One more month won't make any difference, except for costing us money we truly don't have.
So we are going to talk to 'B' on Thursday as normal, but our plans have changed. Katie turns 18 a month from tomorrow. We are paid up through July 22nd - but we are probably going to go get her the weekend before that. I just don't see where spending another 4200 bucks for another month will make any difference - and we can use that to instead actually play for the tickets out there to get her, as well as get her a new wardrobe (she has lost 30 lbs, and it has been three years since she was home, so when we cleaned out her room we basically didn't keep ANY of her old clothes (or much of anything else)).
I'm a bit bothered that Diane and I will never receive our Keys as Keyholders since they have now moved that to PC IV, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about that either.
We talked with one of our keys family members this weekend whose son graduated from another school, and that helped a bit as well. So it looks like probably 7 weeks to go. Of course that assumes she doesn't decide to walk out on her birthday, but I don't see that happening. If she does, it will be a bus ticket home for her, but otherwise pretty much the same plan.
We are going to work up a contract, and will make it clear that she can either follow our rules or live somewhere else. There will be some simple no-tolerance points (such as violence, cutting, etc), but it is the little ones that are more difficult that we need to work on the next few weeks.
So we are going to talk to 'B' on Thursday as normal, but our plans have changed. Katie turns 18 a month from tomorrow. We are paid up through July 22nd - but we are probably going to go get her the weekend before that. I just don't see where spending another 4200 bucks for another month will make any difference - and we can use that to instead actually play for the tickets out there to get her, as well as get her a new wardrobe (she has lost 30 lbs, and it has been three years since she was home, so when we cleaned out her room we basically didn't keep ANY of her old clothes (or much of anything else)).
I'm a bit bothered that Diane and I will never receive our Keys as Keyholders since they have now moved that to PC IV, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about that either.
We talked with one of our keys family members this weekend whose son graduated from another school, and that helped a bit as well. So it looks like probably 7 weeks to go. Of course that assumes she doesn't decide to walk out on her birthday, but I don't see that happening. If she does, it will be a bus ticket home for her, but otherwise pretty much the same plan.
We are going to work up a contract, and will make it clear that she can either follow our rules or live somewhere else. There will be some simple no-tolerance points (such as violence, cutting, etc), but it is the little ones that are more difficult that we need to work on the next few weeks.
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