2 Steps back - again

Well this past week was a bad one for Katie, she dropped back to level 1 again. A bit factor on this was cheating on an algebra test - I should be getting a letter from her about that one soon. We aren't sure if this has killed her chance to go to Focus in June or not - that will be up to Garth and Kathy to decide (basically does she have to start over on points again or not). She doesn't have much more time, it is in about three weeks, and she has to get to level 3 to attend.
And this just as we got a box together of stuff she can have at level 2. *sigh*

M-

Parents of a Troubled Teen - our Journey back to a Healthy Family

I just got off our bi-weekly therapy call, and Katie is sounding really good. She is hoping to go up for Level 3 next week, and is scared of both succeeding and of failing, which I can understand. She has to be level 3 to go to Focus, and she really wants that.
It is nice to hear her working and sincerely trying to improve.

M-

Updated - finally

I have finally taken the time and got at least something up to bring the blog up to date with when it started. That is good, it has been hanging over my head for way too long.

Wrote Katie today. I still find it so hard to write her. And then, of course, I'll be talking to her on Monday during her therapy call as well.

M-

Level 2 - again

Well Katie has taken Level 2 again. She tried to get voted up, but didn't have the support for it. However she can take level 2 without support if she chooses.
It was interesting, as apparently one of the higher level girls then said that they should support her, as she had met all the requirements, and that is how it is designed. Otherwise it can be a bit too much of personalities and back-biting, etc about it - and people can get held back by their previous impressions, not how they are in the moment. This is big for Katie, as she has had problems with all the girls there - just like real life.
They uploaded a new picture of her group - and the most notable thing about her is she is in the very back row - not sticking out at all - a good thing.
She wants to crochet her brother a blanket for his graduation, and while we are going to send her some yarn, we aren't sending a couple of cases like she asked for. She can make him a scarf for college - that would be good. Once more she is a bit over-reactive to it.

M-

After Keys

Well it was a good weekend. This being only the 2nd Keys we have attended, it is hard to judge it completely, but it was pretty 'dry'. A LOT of information, but that means it was mostly lecture - very little 'processes' to work through, which is where the breakthroughs come in.
The next on in Chicago is, unfortunately, the same weekend that my two youngest sons head off to boy scout and band camp, so we won't be able to make it. Since I am the treasurer for the Band Boosters now, I have to be there to write last minute checks and take in last minute payments before the kids go off. We may look to do it somewhere else though - it is being held the week before in the Bay Area, and maybe in Atlanta as well (though I won't know that for another couple of weeks).
They posted new group pictures yesterday as well. Amazingly - Katie is in the BACK ROW!!!! For someone seeking to be the center of attention constantly, that is a very good thing.

M-

Keys: Addiction Awareness

Well we are in Chicago for our 2nd Keys seminar tomorrow. One of the best parts of these is getting together with the people that we have met at the seminars - so far I've talked to several of my Focus Family, and we will be meeting for a drink later once they get to the hotel.
I'm not sure about this seminar - Katies isn't in the program because of drugs or alcohol, and addiction doesn't seem to be an issue for us. I don't want to go through a beating on how 'everyone is an addict' etc.
On the plus side, this one is being done by the founder of the program, who is supposed to be really good. So maybe it will be interesting.

M-

PC1

I meant to update this more often, this week, but technical difficulties prevented it, including not having the wireless internet work at the motel this weekend.
We saw Katie for the first time in seven months this weekend. She looked great - she has lost 30 lbs and it shows.
We were a bit apprehensive about this. First because of the expense - we weren't able to make any reservations until Monday, and we flew out on Thursday. This was due to two factors: the first was not finding out that she had graduated Discovery until two weeks before PC1, and the second was simply money. I had already decided to take out another 401K loan, and because of Easter it took over 8 days to get here - arrghh!!!!! And, of course, it ran quite a bit more expensive than we had anticipated (well, maybe that was the extra day in Las Vegas, or at least part of it).
So we flew out on Thursday to Las Vegas. Her school is about two and a half hours from there in Utah, and the drive is just stunning. Especially the Virgin River Gorge in Arizona - absolutely spectacular. I guess since she is only level 1 we did not get invited to therapy on Thursday like some parents there did, so we drove around a bit, and got some great scenic pictures, including some from the local overlook (which just happens to be the local makeout point as well :-) ). We then met some other parents we had talked to on the BBS for dinner, and got to meet her therapist for the first time - he is great.
On Friday we went to the school, had a couple of presentations from staff, then after we came back from lunch were greated with a scream as she saw us. Hugs, kisses, tears all around. I won't go into the seminar details, but there was some work done, we had dinner with her there, and then left.
On Saturday we were back for more, working through the morning with her, then having lunch, a tour, and finally, at 3 pm it was time for farewells - and yes lots more tears.
Meeting our family rep and therapist really helped, as did the tour of the facility, and talking to some of the other students. Seeing everything first hand really helped to bring things back in focus - Katie is doing great. She was so much like the little girl I used to know. There was no anger or exploding at all. She was still very clingy - and that is something we know to work on - part of the whole 'attention seeking' thing.
We did spend Sunday in Vegas, and just got back at 8 tonight. Then on Friday we drive back to Chicago for the next Keys. Barely time to breath - and my oldest graduates high school on 3 weeks!

M-

Confirmed for PC1

Well, we finally got our confirmation for PC1. This has had us on pins and needles, as we have had such short notice for this whole thing. Usually parents are invited a month before hand, but they did offer to let us go just a few weeks after Katie became eligible. In fact, I won't even talk to her again before we see her (our therapy call will two days after the seminar).
We are very excited, and nervous about this. Now we just need to get tickets and reservations etc so that we can actually do this.
Unfortunately, the school itself isn't the only cost - these seminars and travel are wracking up quite a bit as well, especially when you have little notice.
But it will be great to see her in 8 days!
M-

DISCOVERY!!!!

Yes!!! She did it. Katie graduated Discovery!!! I'm about shocked. A week ago I never expected this. And that means we are going to PC1 in 10 days, and will get to see her for the first time in seven months. We are also going to take advantage of this and do a little vacation time as well, relaxing a bit afterward.
Katie is a Pure, Passionate, Beautiful, Caring and Worthwhile young woman!

M-

Discovery ?!?!

Wow! I had our bi-weekly call with the family rep and got some huge news. Katie is in Discovery, right now. She had made it over half way so far, was in the afternoon of her second day. She will graduate tomorrow if she doesn't choose out.
Apparently her therapist thought it might do her some good, kind of kick things into gear. And since Discovery is at the low end he could do it, and did. This is great. If she makes it through, then we may be going to PC1 at the end of this month - in two weeks!!! I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, but the idea is simply fantastic.
I'm a little worried because I had promised my oldest son to take him to a game tournament that weekend, but this has to override that, if it happens. I've just been so frustrated, and to now have this, it is simply fantastic.
She was so gung ho after orientation, so excited to push forward and keep going. I hope this does the same thing, but a bit stronger and longer lasting. It would be nice for her to actually start making more progress. And she is at a level 2 - her therapist put her up there. She has also improved in the last two weeks - two weeks ago she got about 300 demerits, this last week about 30.
I talk to her therapist on Monday, so hopefully there will be great news!!!

M-

Some thoughts

I got a letter off yesterday. Of course, as soon as I sealed the envelope I remembered things I wanted to add. We want to get a snapshot of the family and dog to send her, but forgot to have a friend take one on Sunday when they were over.

My 'focus family' had a reunion call last night - that was good. I miss these people. Focus (and Discovery) had such a strong effect on me, much more than the Keys seminar we went to did. There was such a bonding there, having shared and cried with these people. The group we are in for Keys, who are all local; well I just don't feel that bond with them. None of them were in our Discovery or Focus - in a way they are still such strangers to us.

As part of our local parent support group they are great, but they don't seem to be 'family' to me, yet.

But the focus call was really good. One of the men has a son who is nearly 18, and is expecting to come home on his birthday - we all talked to him about that and if that is what he wants. That went well. There is a lot of caring in that group - it always leaves me feeling better (even if the call did last two hours.)

M-

Difficulties

I got another letter yesterday from Katie, which is great. I just wonder why I have such a difficult time writing her myself. I think about it a lot, but there always seems to be something coming up so I don't just sit down and do it.
I'm frustrated by letters for one. The mail system is so slow, taking close to a week for mail to get from here to there or back. So I find it very difficult to have any type of on-going correspondence through the mail because of this two-week delay. And if I try to write more often, it gets worse, as I write the next letter before I've gotten the response to the previous one.
Also, I do talk to her every other week as well, so I feel a lot less urgency about letters.
I know I need to write more, and I will try.
M-

Frustrated with Technology!!!!

Ok, this is my FIFTH attempt in two weeks to post to this blog - every time I try to submit it I get a timeout on the server, both from work and from home. I was thinking it was firewall issues from work, but when it happened again last night from home, I figure it is server issues.
Katie is doing ok. She lost bunk leader last week, but I actually expected that as I don't think she was ready for it. She still hasn't gotten voted up to level 2 yet, and is still getting written up quite a bit. It is a two step forward, one step backward type of thing.
I'm frustrated, but that is my problem. I'm also worried about the cost as she has now passed the six month mark, and it definitely looks like she will need a second year, and I worry about how we are going to do that. We assume / hope we can get another loan or extend the one we have, but we aren't sure, and don't know how we can make double the payment that is strapping us already. *sigh* But I'm worrying about things that haven't happened yet.
M-

Two steps forward, one step back

*sigh*
I talked to Katie and her counselor on our bi-weekly call. Unfortunately she seems to be slipping back a bit, though at least she recognizes it.
Everyone says not to get caught up in levels or points or advancement. It just gets hard hearing how it seems that everyone else is moving on, and getting invitations to PC1, and knowing it will be at least July before that can happen (since she has choosen out of Discovery next month already, then the earliest she could finish it is June). I miss her, and I'm worried about paying for the next year, or even the year after that.
She is still resisting the program. She gets written up for things like not cleaning or not following directions. She isn't in Orange, but she is still level 1 and not going anywhere.
M-

Forums - finally

We have finally got forums set up. Please go and register and share your experiences and your issues with your teen. This is not program specific, so you can to talk to people at any school. ParentHelp Forums
M-

Site improvements coming

One of my major goals has been to expand this beyond just me (and occasionally Diane) sounding off into the dark. And that is finally one step closer to fruition. The new BBS for this site has been created. At this point it kind of looks like crap, as nothing has yet been set up (default across the board), but it is almost to the point where I can start to play with it to get it set up!! So watch this space, and soon there will be forums for people to discuss the issues they are having, ask questions, and share what is happening in their lives.

M-

Two steps forward, One step back

I had our bi-weekly call with the family rep yesterday, and (as always) it went well. Katie is doing well in school, that isn't an issue for her. It should never have been, she is a very smart girl, just unfocussed there. This past week has been rough for her, falling back a bit into old habits. She didn't get her Discovery homework done in time, so chose out of the next Discovery in April. She talked to her therapist, and asked if there was a way she could do extra work and get back in, and he said no. She went all the way to the head of the program but still got the same answer - that she would have to live with the results she created - no one was going to rescue her any more.
She took it hard, but this is such a pattern in her life - not doing something then trying to avoid any consequences for it. Well she is definitely in the right place to learn that actions and choices have consequences - good or bad.
I think she is most upset because on Friday, during our therapy call, she really started to go on about missing me, and missing home. It has been long enough that this is definitely starting to sink in. I plan to write her and let her know that she has to work her program to get the results she wants. It is hard to think that she won't be in Discovery before June, which means that there is no possibility of us seeing her before July or August, and that only if she doesn't choose out again. It really looks like she might be there a full year before we see her again.
One good note - she has lost 37 pounds so far! She actually weighs less than I do right now!!! That is wonderful. Just the fact that she is back into 'normal' sizes - so that when she does come home we will actually be able to find clothes for her to wear.

Mike

One down, Four to go

Diane and I attended our first "Keys to Success" seminar this past weekend, "Being in Relationship". It was really good. Not nearly as powerful as Discovery or Focus, but I expected that, being only two day seminars instead of 3 and 4 days, respectively.
I really enjoy these - it is great seeing the other the other parents, and this was a bit more interesting as people who had previously been staff for our seminars were now attending these instead. Kind of like the first time you saw a teacher in the supermarket or anywhere outside of school - it is weird the first time to see them as ordinary people.
One thing we have learned is that you can't plan anything during the seminar - from when it starts to when it ends just keep thinking of yourself as in the seminar. For both Discovery and Focus we tried to plan dinner with other couples - doesn't work. We have thought that next time it might be fun to see who can come in early, and maybe go out the night before (right now we are thinking about seeing Blue Man Group).
I had a therapy call Friday afternoon with Katie that went well. I had to tell her that her grandmother had died in December, and she handled it really well I think. I waited so long because her mother wanted to tell her (it was her side of the family) - but she never did - and Katie deserved to know. I'll talk to the family rep tomorrow night and see how she did with it this weekend.
M-

stealing

In my last letter to Katie, I mentioned in her life story that she didn't mention the lying or stealing. Well I got a letter today admitting both, though I don't know how 'factual' it is. She didn't mention her mother in it, and said she had stolen over $100 from her younger brothers - which I find hard to believe because they never had that much missing. But the amounts don't matter as much as that she is coming clean with it.
Tomorrow we head to our first Keys to Success seminar. I sure hope I feel better, or it will be an exceptionally loooong drive to Chicago. I am looking forward to the seminar however - so far they have always left me with such a strong feeling - the seminar high. I also look forward to talking to one of the members of my focus family - she visited her facility this week after what she read in 'that book', and I'm very anxious to find out what she found out.
M-

A bit nervous...

Well, it's Thursday 3/9/06 and tomorrow Mike and I drive to Chicago for our third seminar. He's been sick the last couple of days so I hope he's up for the trip and the stress of the seminar.

He's been good at doing homework, but I haven't. I feel very nervous about being confronted about it by Lou. With my focus family call on Tuesday, it seems over half have their homework done and are really working it. When Mike and I tried to discuss it last week, I got real defensive and I'm not sure why. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why I am having such a hard time with it this time. Well, to be honest, I haven't been real good at any of the homework. Is it because she's my "step" daughter and not a blood relative? Mike says to "do it for the family" and I understand what he's saying, but for some reason I still don't want to do it. I don't know. Just not feeling very worthy lately, though other parts of my life are doing well. Hope I can get this figured out.
-Diane