I had our call with the therapist 'B' and Katie last night, and it was actually very pleasant - which is quite unusual. Katie is still working, and right now she actually sounds great! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but both 'B' and the family Rep 'A' (and her teachers) have noticed a significant change in her these past few weeks.
'B' had her go back through Orientation as a buddy (her third time), and she said she really got a lot out of it, including accepting and incorporating feedback she received, another first.
There was also an interesting incident this week. Apparently someone from another group said that she took a piece of fruit without asking. 'B' confronted her with this, and it looked like she immediately went back into her old habits, not remembering doing it, not accepting responsibility for it. However then the big change came in - the rest of the group supported her on this - saying that it was not like Katie to do that at all, and that she did not take it. She said it was just amazing how good it felt to actually have support!
She had also worked on a big presentation she wanted to give to the group - and on the day she thought she would do it she was all excited and over the top - and 'B' caught it right away that she was playing for attention yet again. So he said she wasn't going to do it. And she accepted it without fuss and went on instead of getting upset and closing down.
She said she may go up for level two next week or the week after - she is actually re-doing a bunch of her 7-habits workbook stuff that she had just glossed over before. She doesn't sound worried about it, and seems to understand that she has to earn it.
She also talked about the future quite a bit - in a realistic way. Actually talked a bit about coming home, though she knows she is a long way from that happening, but she is actually looking forward to it.
So maybe she is finally making a real change. The key for me is to let go and let her work it - I can't get worried about it one way or the other.
But it was nice hearing good news for once.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
and hope flickers on
We received two letters from Katie yesterday - and both were better than usual. Not real deep, but then that isn't required every time. But they weren't just empty fluff either.
The one real significant bit is that Katie has started to get some support from her group, and it is making her feel good. These other girls are all really good and detecting bullshit, and their detectors have been going full blast for quite some time, so it is actually extremely promising to hear that she is being real and the group is getting behind her - because they won't do it as long as she is playing the games she has been.
I made sure I wrote her back very quickly, just to continue a bit of positive feedback for actually working.
She still has a huge way to go, and lots of issues about her mom - which is not a surprise to anybody. I did write to her about the fact that digging into these issues is painful - I made the analogy of an injury that requires surgery to repair it. You can leave it to fester and never get better, or you can bite the bullet, accept that there will be some more pain involved as you clean up the wound, and realize that the pain will actually start to decrease after the healing begins, but there may be a bit more to get it started.
Sometimes it is easier to endure the pain you know than to face the unknown, even it if promises to make things better. Especially if the unknown may mean more pain initially.
But isn't change always like that?
The one real significant bit is that Katie has started to get some support from her group, and it is making her feel good. These other girls are all really good and detecting bullshit, and their detectors have been going full blast for quite some time, so it is actually extremely promising to hear that she is being real and the group is getting behind her - because they won't do it as long as she is playing the games she has been.
I made sure I wrote her back very quickly, just to continue a bit of positive feedback for actually working.
She still has a huge way to go, and lots of issues about her mom - which is not a surprise to anybody. I did write to her about the fact that digging into these issues is painful - I made the analogy of an injury that requires surgery to repair it. You can leave it to fester and never get better, or you can bite the bullet, accept that there will be some more pain involved as you clean up the wound, and realize that the pain will actually start to decrease after the healing begins, but there may be a bit more to get it started.
Sometimes it is easier to endure the pain you know than to face the unknown, even it if promises to make things better. Especially if the unknown may mean more pain initially.
But isn't change always like that?
Friday, April 06, 2007
still glimmering
I had our call with the Family Rep A last night, and for once it was surprisingly good. Compared to the usual call of no work at all, she is making a small amount of progress. It does sound like the call last week, and maybe the letters, might be finally having some effect. And I don't want to discount with her therapist B has done - when he tore up all her work in front of her it seems to have had a pretty big impact.
She is in the positive points, and is still working on the apology exercise, but the latest revision of the letter to her mom is much better. Still not where it really should be, but the last half that turned into a major guilt trip has been fixed by her, which is very good. It does seem that she is learning what a real apology looks and sounds like, as opposed to what she was doing.
The crux of it all is getting real, with her real emotions. Especially around her mother, but not limited to that by any means.
She is in the positive points, and is still working on the apology exercise, but the latest revision of the letter to her mom is much better. Still not where it really should be, but the last half that turned into a major guilt trip has been fixed by her, which is very good. It does seem that she is learning what a real apology looks and sounds like, as opposed to what she was doing.
The crux of it all is getting real, with her real emotions. Especially around her mother, but not limited to that by any means.
Friday, March 30, 2007
A slight glimmer of . . . something
We had our bi-weekly therapy call with B last night. Some interesting stuff going on lately.
He is doing an exercise with the entire group, of having them write apology letters. He had Katie write one to EVERYONE. She said she had done 15, but actually had did only 9. She turned these in to him, he looked them over, and then tore them up in front of her. She was a bit pissed off, as you can expect. He then said that is exactly what she has been doing to everybody else in her life - ripping up and throwing out all the effort they have been putting in with her.
I like this guy.
So then in group, he starts reading these letters, including two more she has written. These are read anonymously after the first few. The girls all then comment on them, sharing if they were sincere and real. When he read Katie's letter to her teacher - the entire group immediately recognized it as hers because it was repetitve and empty. No feeling behind it - it wasn't real.
When Katie came on the call, she talked about her apology she wrote to her mother, and read it. It started out much better, but quickly degenerated into a guilt trip towards her. Now her mother will never see it, because not only has she not had any contact at all with Katie since she entered the program 18 months ago, but even the other boys have not heard from her since last June.
However, as we talked about her mother, something interesting happened. For a very short time, some real emotions came out. For the briefest time, she let down all the pretenses, and got real about some of the things she felt about her mother. Her mother is truly a major issue with her, if not the central issue. It wasn't long - she quickly 'recovered' from it, but we did acknowledge that was exactly what she needed to do to begin to progress in the program. Not try and make others happy, not try to be what others want, but to be herself, with real emotions.
So it was a glimps of something. A spark in the darkness. The question is, will the spark catch and ignite, to burn and fire the passion for change that she needs, or will it smolder and die, smothered in fear and doubt. So often we are so comfortable with the pain we know, as opposed to change, that it keeps us from every moving.
He is doing an exercise with the entire group, of having them write apology letters. He had Katie write one to EVERYONE. She said she had done 15, but actually had did only 9. She turned these in to him, he looked them over, and then tore them up in front of her. She was a bit pissed off, as you can expect. He then said that is exactly what she has been doing to everybody else in her life - ripping up and throwing out all the effort they have been putting in with her.
I like this guy.
So then in group, he starts reading these letters, including two more she has written. These are read anonymously after the first few. The girls all then comment on them, sharing if they were sincere and real. When he read Katie's letter to her teacher - the entire group immediately recognized it as hers because it was repetitve and empty. No feeling behind it - it wasn't real.
When Katie came on the call, she talked about her apology she wrote to her mother, and read it. It started out much better, but quickly degenerated into a guilt trip towards her. Now her mother will never see it, because not only has she not had any contact at all with Katie since she entered the program 18 months ago, but even the other boys have not heard from her since last June.
However, as we talked about her mother, something interesting happened. For a very short time, some real emotions came out. For the briefest time, she let down all the pretenses, and got real about some of the things she felt about her mother. Her mother is truly a major issue with her, if not the central issue. It wasn't long - she quickly 'recovered' from it, but we did acknowledge that was exactly what she needed to do to begin to progress in the program. Not try and make others happy, not try to be what others want, but to be herself, with real emotions.
So it was a glimps of something. A spark in the darkness. The question is, will the spark catch and ignite, to burn and fire the passion for change that she needs, or will it smolder and die, smothered in fear and doubt. So often we are so comfortable with the pain we know, as opposed to change, that it keeps us from every moving.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Letters
Monday, Diane got a letter from Katie, and a nice poem that Katie has submitted to the parent support magazine. And she also sent a letter to her youngest brother. I got - nada.
However, there was one for me yesterday. She had gotten my previous letters, and this was much stronger than any have been in some time. She did say that she didn't feel I was being open with her because I was not angry in my letters, and wanted more honest feedback. It was one of the longest letters she has yet written.
I wrote back, and exactly as I had said I would, I addressed her letter. I was very open with her, and shared that I did not have any anger over her previous behavior at home like Diane does. I have forgiven and moved past that. In fact, I don't have much anger period - it is not an emotion I can hold on to, and I find that it weakens me to be angry, so even when I do get angry, it doesn't last long.
She said that she wanted me to be angry with her, which I won't do. She is looking for validations of her feelings of ruining the family, but I've gotten past that, and won't give her that validation.
Her letter, and my response back to it (which is the longest letter I have written to her since she has been in the program) are probably some of the best communication we have had in quite some time.
I just hope it starts to make a difference.
However, there was one for me yesterday. She had gotten my previous letters, and this was much stronger than any have been in some time. She did say that she didn't feel I was being open with her because I was not angry in my letters, and wanted more honest feedback. It was one of the longest letters she has yet written.
I wrote back, and exactly as I had said I would, I addressed her letter. I was very open with her, and shared that I did not have any anger over her previous behavior at home like Diane does. I have forgiven and moved past that. In fact, I don't have much anger period - it is not an emotion I can hold on to, and I find that it weakens me to be angry, so even when I do get angry, it doesn't last long.
She said that she wanted me to be angry with her, which I won't do. She is looking for validations of her feelings of ruining the family, but I've gotten past that, and won't give her that validation.
Her letter, and my response back to it (which is the longest letter I have written to her since she has been in the program) are probably some of the best communication we have had in quite some time.
I just hope it starts to make a difference.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Seems to be slipping backward
So we talked with A, the family rep last night. From what she was saying, it now sounds like Katie has not only made no progress, but is falling back into her old patterns yet again.
Once more she is talking about going up for level 2 next week - but she is short on points, and hasn't done any of her goals. Working on pre-focus homework again. This isn't a bad things, and in the discussion I did learn that she will continue to do this process until she gets in Focus, regardless of level at the time. There is a cutoff date for each seminar, by which they must have their level, and that is either this week or next (each group picks their own date). She won't have it, so will have choosen out one more time.
No letters yet, though A did say that she had sent one off earlier in the week for Diane. I haven't gotten a letter in close to a month. So I guess I won't be writing today.
It was brought up again that she seems really comfortable there. I really don't know how to change that. On her call sheet she said that being on silence had allowed her to work on her relationship with God, and that she had decided to go back to the Baptist church she had attended for a year or so (before wanting to switch to and evangelical one, and then switching to Mormon (though that didn't work so well, as at the time they didn't "support her lesbian lifestyle").
If being religious would help, then I'm all for it. It hasn't so far though. To me it is yet another way to avoid the real issues.
She is out of Orange, and so should be in the call next week - we'll just have to see.
Once more she is talking about going up for level 2 next week - but she is short on points, and hasn't done any of her goals. Working on pre-focus homework again. This isn't a bad things, and in the discussion I did learn that she will continue to do this process until she gets in Focus, regardless of level at the time. There is a cutoff date for each seminar, by which they must have their level, and that is either this week or next (each group picks their own date). She won't have it, so will have choosen out one more time.
No letters yet, though A did say that she had sent one off earlier in the week for Diane. I haven't gotten a letter in close to a month. So I guess I won't be writing today.
It was brought up again that she seems really comfortable there. I really don't know how to change that. On her call sheet she said that being on silence had allowed her to work on her relationship with God, and that she had decided to go back to the Baptist church she had attended for a year or so (before wanting to switch to and evangelical one, and then switching to Mormon (though that didn't work so well, as at the time they didn't "support her lesbian lifestyle").
If being religious would help, then I'm all for it. It hasn't so far though. To me it is yet another way to avoid the real issues.
She is out of Orange, and so should be in the call next week - we'll just have to see.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Very interesting paper
I was invited to join a new forum for parents, and found that a woman there had written a paper on finding help for teens. I put the link on the side, but you can also find it here : Managing Teens at Risk: A Massachusetts Parents Guide to Choosing the Right Private Program For Your Family .
I haven't finished reading it yet, and we don't live in MA, but I sure wish I had seen this in 2005 (she wrote it in 2004) when we were looking for help with Katie.
One of the goals of this Blog is to help others, and provide something other than the marketing information that is out there - and this is one item with the same intent.
I haven't finished reading it yet, and we don't live in MA, but I sure wish I had seen this in 2005 (she wrote it in 2004) when we were looking for help with Katie.
One of the goals of this Blog is to help others, and provide something other than the marketing information that is out there - and this is one item with the same intent.
Friday, March 16, 2007
A tough letter
After talking with the therapist 'B' the other day, I decided to write a bit of a tougher letter. I wasn't always that good at writing to Katie. But since November I have been doing it weekly, putting an appointment in my calendar every week to remind me.
And we can all see how much that has helped.
She is supposed to be writing home at least once a week, and that hasn't been happening either. So in an effort to get her moving, I wrote her that from here on, I would only respond to her letters. So if she doesn't write, neither do I. In addition, the letters have to be meaningful. No more drawings, song lyrics or 20 questions. Talk about the issues, get honest and dig deep. And let me know what is going on.
One thing that has amazed me is that she never talks about what happens there, the other girls or anything. I'm not asking for gossip, but just to know what is really going on. So if she writes that then I'll respond with news about what is happening here.
I said that I didn't feel that she valued our relationship, so it was time for her to show me that she did value it. I think that as much as I try to enforce that I love her unconditionally has just made her take me for granted.
It wasn't the easiest letter to write, and won't be easy for her to read. It may be a waste of my time.
The choices are all hers.
And we can all see how much that has helped.
She is supposed to be writing home at least once a week, and that hasn't been happening either. So in an effort to get her moving, I wrote her that from here on, I would only respond to her letters. So if she doesn't write, neither do I. In addition, the letters have to be meaningful. No more drawings, song lyrics or 20 questions. Talk about the issues, get honest and dig deep. And let me know what is going on.
One thing that has amazed me is that she never talks about what happens there, the other girls or anything. I'm not asking for gossip, but just to know what is really going on. So if she writes that then I'll respond with news about what is happening here.
I said that I didn't feel that she valued our relationship, so it was time for her to show me that she did value it. I think that as much as I try to enforce that I love her unconditionally has just made her take me for granted.
It wasn't the easiest letter to write, and won't be easy for her to read. It may be a waste of my time.
The choices are all hers.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
No real progress
Talked with the therapist 'B' last night. Katie is pretty much the same. Still not working. He is letting her start to work off her 'tape credits' - the way to get off staff buddy. He goes on vacation today for a week, and didn't want her to be stuck there while he was gone.
A total of 5 girls got hit with the Katlyn Staff Buddy Brigade, but 4 more would have if they had continued the process. However, it wasn't giving them the results they wanted.
Once B gets back, they will start loading her down with assignments, and see what she does.
Everyone is frustrated, and no one seems able to get through to her.
One thing we talked about was letters. She is required to write home once a week - this is not happening. In my next letter I'm going to challenge her a bit more about taking me for granted, and ask her to step up to her obligations in this relationship.
She also has a lot of work to do on repairing the relationships in her group; unfortunately in the past she has not done that.
So here we are - same stuff, different day. *sigh*
A total of 5 girls got hit with the Katlyn Staff Buddy Brigade, but 4 more would have if they had continued the process. However, it wasn't giving them the results they wanted.
Once B gets back, they will start loading her down with assignments, and see what she does.
Everyone is frustrated, and no one seems able to get through to her.
One thing we talked about was letters. She is required to write home once a week - this is not happening. In my next letter I'm going to challenge her a bit more about taking me for granted, and ask her to step up to her obligations in this relationship.
She also has a lot of work to do on repairing the relationships in her group; unfortunately in the past she has not done that.
So here we are - same stuff, different day. *sigh*
Friday, March 09, 2007
And now getting worse
We had our call with A, the family rep last night. Things are getting worse. Katie is now also on Staff Buddy (also known as being in Orange). She had decided not to work, so that is what they have now down. Since she isn't working the program, she is not allowed to work the program. Every day when she isn't in school she is in the tape credit room, but she isn't allowed to work off her credits, she just has to sit. And each day she doesn't work them off, they add more. Yes, it sounds like a catch-22 situation at first. The key is that she has established by her actions that she just wants to sit there, so that is what is happening.
Once she decides that she wants something else, then she can move on. But not until then.
Apparently several more girls joined the KSBB before this was done. B, the therapist, also asked her previous therapist if he wanted her back, since he isn't reaching her. She did start to cry when she heard that - but when asked how the session went she said it went fine.
She has never really dug into her emotions or anything. She talks the program, but is just skating on the surface of what her issues are.
I can understand that. In my first seminar I was the same way, not really getting into the core of a lot of my issues, believing I had dealt with them, and replacing stories with really digging down. Focus broke that wide open, and really helped me to see what a lot of the issues in my own life are.
I'm going to talk with B next week as well (it will be on Tuesday instead of Thursday due to a schedule conflict), and I want to ask him if my trying to write every week is helping or not? Or, the thought occurrs to me as I write this, to keep writing, but go back to where she was before; i.e. when she is in Orange she doesn't get the letters. She can see that she has them, but isn't allowed to get them until she earns her way out.
She also needs some new shoes - so we need to get those this weekend and get them sent off. That is one I can understand - basically they have one pair of sneakers, and even the best of them will wear out from constant use.
Once she decides that she wants something else, then she can move on. But not until then.
Apparently several more girls joined the KSBB before this was done. B, the therapist, also asked her previous therapist if he wanted her back, since he isn't reaching her. She did start to cry when she heard that - but when asked how the session went she said it went fine.
She has never really dug into her emotions or anything. She talks the program, but is just skating on the surface of what her issues are.
I can understand that. In my first seminar I was the same way, not really getting into the core of a lot of my issues, believing I had dealt with them, and replacing stories with really digging down. Focus broke that wide open, and really helped me to see what a lot of the issues in my own life are.
I'm going to talk with B next week as well (it will be on Tuesday instead of Thursday due to a schedule conflict), and I want to ask him if my trying to write every week is helping or not? Or, the thought occurrs to me as I write this, to keep writing, but go back to where she was before; i.e. when she is in Orange she doesn't get the letters. She can see that she has them, but isn't allowed to get them until she earns her way out.
She also needs some new shoes - so we need to get those this weekend and get them sent off. That is one I can understand - basically they have one pair of sneakers, and even the best of them will wear out from constant use.
Monday, March 05, 2007
The Katlyn Staff Buddy Brigade
No news actually. The schools maintain a bulletin board for parents to share and support each other, and on Friday I wrote up basically the same thing I posted here (without some of the edits I do to keep people anonymous).
I see a response this morning from the mother of one of the girls that got put on staff buddy because of Katie, or, as she referred to it, she got to be part of 'The Katlyn Staff Buddy Brigade'. When I saw that name I just had to laugh.
The good news is the girl got off staff buddy on Friday, and was still able to do the presentation she had prepared and attend the seminar she was scheduled to go to - so no real harm done, and an excellent learning experience for her.
No, this process isn't fair to the other girls, especially those who end up joining the KSBB, but one thing I truly learned is that life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. And things happen in our lives that are out of our control. The only thing we do have control is how we choose to respond or react to them. So the other girls get an opportunity to see what they will do when bad things happen beyond their control, as well as a chance to mirror what things they have done in the past do to other people (especially in their families).
In some ways, the girls in the KSBB will learn more than Katie will from all of this. It is pretty rare to have the opportunity to see situations from both sides - and they get a little taste of what their parents got to deal with when they were at home. I know when Katie was here there were many things she did that caused us lots of problems. In a lot of ways, I'd like to see Katie have the chance to be on the other side of this process as well in the future - it would do her a lot of good.
I see a response this morning from the mother of one of the girls that got put on staff buddy because of Katie, or, as she referred to it, she got to be part of 'The Katlyn Staff Buddy Brigade'. When I saw that name I just had to laugh.
The good news is the girl got off staff buddy on Friday, and was still able to do the presentation she had prepared and attend the seminar she was scheduled to go to - so no real harm done, and an excellent learning experience for her.
No, this process isn't fair to the other girls, especially those who end up joining the KSBB, but one thing I truly learned is that life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. And things happen in our lives that are out of our control. The only thing we do have control is how we choose to respond or react to them. So the other girls get an opportunity to see what they will do when bad things happen beyond their control, as well as a chance to mirror what things they have done in the past do to other people (especially in their families).
In some ways, the girls in the KSBB will learn more than Katie will from all of this. It is pretty rare to have the opportunity to see situations from both sides - and they get a little taste of what their parents got to deal with when they were at home. I know when Katie was here there were many things she did that caused us lots of problems. In a lot of ways, I'd like to see Katie have the chance to be on the other side of this process as well in the future - it would do her a lot of good.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Kickng it up a notch!
Well I had our call with 'B', Katie's therapist, last night - and he is sure stirring things up.
He has changed Katie's goals down to one - which is calling the other girls on broken rules, (known as Categories, or cats). However, she still refused to do it. So early this week he put her on silence - she is only allowed to speak when calling others on rules. Ok - a show of hands from everyone who thinks that did anything. Ok - you in the back - put your hand down. Nada, once again.
So the other day he had her in group, and asked who her best friend was. She said she didn't have any, but cared about everyone. He made her name the three girls she cared about the most. He asked if she had done her goal - and everyone in the group said no. So he pulled out a jar with all the girls names in it - and drew three (one of which was one of her 'better' friends). Those three immediately went on staff buddy because Katie had not worked on her goal.
Well that shook her up. The next day she was calling everyone in the group. When 'B' asked who she had called on rules, everyone's hand went up, except for the service manor girl (this is a high level girl from another group that comes over to help). She hadn't called her on anything, and in fact the girl was wondering why she hadn't. So another name was drawn, and a fourth girl went on staff buddy.
So I figure there are four sets of parents getting some interesting news this week because of Katie! And apparently the teachers have all be very enthusiastic about her being on silence as well - saying she has never worked as much or as hard as she has this past week.
She did get to participate in the call yesterday - but was still on silence so it was one-sided. A bit hard to do on my part, to talk but not be able to get any type of feedback at all (since I couldn't hear her of course, no see anything over the phone).
The girls will get off staff buddy probably today, but if she isn't doing her goal, then 'B' will put more on next week. This is pretty big - we'll see if it has any real effect on her or not. For someone for whom acceptance is such a huge issue it is a real big deal.
So in the words of Emeril - BAM! - let's kick it up a notch!
He has changed Katie's goals down to one - which is calling the other girls on broken rules, (known as Categories, or cats). However, she still refused to do it. So early this week he put her on silence - she is only allowed to speak when calling others on rules. Ok - a show of hands from everyone who thinks that did anything. Ok - you in the back - put your hand down. Nada, once again.
So the other day he had her in group, and asked who her best friend was. She said she didn't have any, but cared about everyone. He made her name the three girls she cared about the most. He asked if she had done her goal - and everyone in the group said no. So he pulled out a jar with all the girls names in it - and drew three (one of which was one of her 'better' friends). Those three immediately went on staff buddy because Katie had not worked on her goal.
Well that shook her up. The next day she was calling everyone in the group. When 'B' asked who she had called on rules, everyone's hand went up, except for the service manor girl (this is a high level girl from another group that comes over to help). She hadn't called her on anything, and in fact the girl was wondering why she hadn't. So another name was drawn, and a fourth girl went on staff buddy.
So I figure there are four sets of parents getting some interesting news this week because of Katie! And apparently the teachers have all be very enthusiastic about her being on silence as well - saying she has never worked as much or as hard as she has this past week.
She did get to participate in the call yesterday - but was still on silence so it was one-sided. A bit hard to do on my part, to talk but not be able to get any type of feedback at all (since I couldn't hear her of course, no see anything over the phone).
The girls will get off staff buddy probably today, but if she isn't doing her goal, then 'B' will put more on next week. This is pretty big - we'll see if it has any real effect on her or not. For someone for whom acceptance is such a huge issue it is a real big deal.
So in the words of Emeril - BAM! - let's kick it up a notch!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Saying one thing - but her results don't show it
Talked with A, the family rep, again last night. This was pretty much the same as before. All of Katies notes for the call talk about how she is working, and planning on going up for level 2 next week, however in group she hs not done here single goal AT ALL. She is so caught up in being accepted and trying to be liked that she is completely missing the point here.
Another major issue is that she is deceiving herself, and that is basically lying to herself and then everyone else, about where she is and how she is doing. Honesty has always been an issue here, and it truly has to start with being honest with yourself before it can go anywhere else at all.
Several girls are leaving first thing this morning to go to graduation. I would think that would have some impact on her - she has been there long enough so that kids who have come in when she did, and after she did, are now going home. I've talked with other parents, and that is often a trigger to get the kids working - just the idea that they are being left behind.
Her school work is catching up, except for algebra. So at least she may be caught back up by the end of the school year, or close to it. Since she doesn't really get summer break, there is no reason why she actually can't get completely caught up and even ahead if she tries. It does seem that almost everything is easy for her except for the math, and I believe a lot of that is simply attitude.
And so it continues as it has been. *sigh*
Another major issue is that she is deceiving herself, and that is basically lying to herself and then everyone else, about where she is and how she is doing. Honesty has always been an issue here, and it truly has to start with being honest with yourself before it can go anywhere else at all.
Several girls are leaving first thing this morning to go to graduation. I would think that would have some impact on her - she has been there long enough so that kids who have come in when she did, and after she did, are now going home. I've talked with other parents, and that is often a trigger to get the kids working - just the idea that they are being left behind.
Her school work is catching up, except for algebra. So at least she may be caught back up by the end of the school year, or close to it. Since she doesn't really get summer break, there is no reason why she actually can't get completely caught up and even ahead if she tries. It does seem that almost everything is easy for her except for the math, and I believe a lot of that is simply attitude.
And so it continues as it has been. *sigh*
Friday, February 16, 2007
Staying the same
Well, right now she is pretty much doing the same. She has support for all her goals, except for the main one, which is calling out other girls on rules.
From the outside, this sounds like being a tattletale. But what it comes down to is personal accountability. The whole concept of realizing you are in control of all your decisions, and you are responsible for them and the results you get from them. And one of the ways you learn this is to accept the decisions you make - and the easiest way to do this is acknowledging when you decide to break a rule. However it is hardest to admit this to ourselves, and we often need help. So the girls are supposed to track when each other breaks a rule, and bring it to their attention. It isn't about punishing them, but about getting them to realize they made the decision, and here are the consequences.
Yes, the confrontation is hard. I have a problem with this myself - I don't like to hold the boys accountable for their chores (and I resent when Diane holds me accountable for not holding the boys accountable (ok, honesty time - I resent it BIG TIME, especially because I just feel like the go between - but that is another issue entirely)). However one of their rules is to hold others accountable - so they are actually breaking a rule when they let someone else break one without calling them on it.
However it does get easier, and the amazing thing is that people will step up. You phrase things in the terms of agreements - Did you agree to do (or not do) X? Do you acknowledge that you did not do (or did) X? From there you can deal with consequences, and integrity. Ultimately it isn't so much about others but about keeping the agreements you make - which leads to honesty and integrity and trust - and those are three things that Katie needs desperately.
So B, her therapist, had an interesting idea last night on the call. For the next week this is her only goal - she won't have to worry about the others for now. But every day she doesn't do it, when they are in their group sessions, she will then have to confront every girl there with an issue they have to work on. Right then. And there will be no avoiding or putting that off. So the next call should have some kind of interesting results.
One other thing Katie has tried - she wrote Diane saying that she wanted Diane to adopt her. We shut that down, but it was still something we had to deal with. She has such big issues with her birth mother, and I can understand these, but that is not a solution ( aside from the legal and cost issues involved for - well for nothing at this point). It is interesting to note that she said she wanted to do this as a symbol of her relationship with Diane. We replied that the relationship has to be repaired first - and even if we did an adoption, the paper wouldn't change the relationship. And while it has improved - Diane and Katie have an enormously long way to go. The distance between them is farther than the physical distance by a long ways, and will be much harder to truly cross.
From the outside, this sounds like being a tattletale. But what it comes down to is personal accountability. The whole concept of realizing you are in control of all your decisions, and you are responsible for them and the results you get from them. And one of the ways you learn this is to accept the decisions you make - and the easiest way to do this is acknowledging when you decide to break a rule. However it is hardest to admit this to ourselves, and we often need help. So the girls are supposed to track when each other breaks a rule, and bring it to their attention. It isn't about punishing them, but about getting them to realize they made the decision, and here are the consequences.
Yes, the confrontation is hard. I have a problem with this myself - I don't like to hold the boys accountable for their chores (and I resent when Diane holds me accountable for not holding the boys accountable (ok, honesty time - I resent it BIG TIME, especially because I just feel like the go between - but that is another issue entirely)). However one of their rules is to hold others accountable - so they are actually breaking a rule when they let someone else break one without calling them on it.
However it does get easier, and the amazing thing is that people will step up. You phrase things in the terms of agreements - Did you agree to do (or not do) X? Do you acknowledge that you did not do (or did) X? From there you can deal with consequences, and integrity. Ultimately it isn't so much about others but about keeping the agreements you make - which leads to honesty and integrity and trust - and those are three things that Katie needs desperately.
So B, her therapist, had an interesting idea last night on the call. For the next week this is her only goal - she won't have to worry about the others for now. But every day she doesn't do it, when they are in their group sessions, she will then have to confront every girl there with an issue they have to work on. Right then. And there will be no avoiding or putting that off. So the next call should have some kind of interesting results.
One other thing Katie has tried - she wrote Diane saying that she wanted Diane to adopt her. We shut that down, but it was still something we had to deal with. She has such big issues with her birth mother, and I can understand these, but that is not a solution ( aside from the legal and cost issues involved for - well for nothing at this point). It is interesting to note that she said she wanted to do this as a symbol of her relationship with Diane. We replied that the relationship has to be repaired first - and even if we did an adoption, the paper wouldn't change the relationship. And while it has improved - Diane and Katie have an enormously long way to go. The distance between them is farther than the physical distance by a long ways, and will be much harder to truly cross.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Buddy
I had our bi-weekly call with A, the family rep. last night. She is very nice to talk to, we ended up talking for almost an hour (most of it not about Katie)!
Katie had a bit of an up and down week. The real up point was that she attended the 'Orientation' seminar, this time as a Buddy, and once again graduated. Orientation is the first seminar the kids attend, and it introduces them to a lot of the concepts. They assign an 'older' (meaning one who has been through it) girl to each pair of new girls going through it as a buddy, to help them out. Apparently she had mixed feelings about this, but ended up doing ok and graduating again from it. I tried to emphasize with her (in my letter this week) that this is a good thing, and there is always more to learn. Even teachers learn when they teach a subject (and in fact, you never learn anything as well as when you teach it).
Then in group later in the week things didn't go quite so well. She brought up that she felt she was being 'disrespected' by several of the girls there. After she finished, A simply stated that if she talked to the other girls the way she had presented in group, then it would instead come across that she was disrespecting them. She, of course, did not like hearing that one little bit.
So it was mixed progress. We'll wait and see where she goes now - if she takes the opportunity to learn and grow, or shuts down, falls back into her old patterns, and loses the little bit of momentum she had gained.
Katie had a bit of an up and down week. The real up point was that she attended the 'Orientation' seminar, this time as a Buddy, and once again graduated. Orientation is the first seminar the kids attend, and it introduces them to a lot of the concepts. They assign an 'older' (meaning one who has been through it) girl to each pair of new girls going through it as a buddy, to help them out. Apparently she had mixed feelings about this, but ended up doing ok and graduating again from it. I tried to emphasize with her (in my letter this week) that this is a good thing, and there is always more to learn. Even teachers learn when they teach a subject (and in fact, you never learn anything as well as when you teach it).
Then in group later in the week things didn't go quite so well. She brought up that she felt she was being 'disrespected' by several of the girls there. After she finished, A simply stated that if she talked to the other girls the way she had presented in group, then it would instead come across that she was disrespecting them. She, of course, did not like hearing that one little bit.
So it was mixed progress. We'll wait and see where she goes now - if she takes the opportunity to learn and grow, or shuts down, falls back into her old patterns, and loses the little bit of momentum she had gained.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Please sir, may I have some more?
Well, this Oliver Twist managed to survive his initial beating so far. Looks like we are approved for another 6 months worth of financing. It is kind of funny - I am so afraid of getting behind on paying the school that I actually jumped the gun on a little bit on this one. I don't think they will need the new money until March 23, but they should actually get the first one this week. And for some reason this is in five disbursements instead of six like the last one.
That is one thing about Sallie Mae - since they do it a bit at a time at least you have a few months to ramp up the payments before you start in full for the rest of your life. It will be a bit weird, because I will now have two Sallie Mae payments each month.
One of the things I need to do is to consolidate all of these into a single payment - but I've heard some things about that which make me want to wait until we have them all. And that may be another year and a half from now.
So a bit of breathing room, at least for the next six months. It has us really worried that we would not be able to get loans and she would have to come home early. Unfortunately, if she hits 18 then she will probably have to come home anyway, but at that point things are a bit different. At 18 she may come back, but doesn't have to be in the home. Before that there really isn't a choice.
Of course maybe she has really turned things around like it seemed last week - only time and her will tell on that.
We shipped off a box to her today. The 7 Habits for Highly Successful Teens Workbook, two big bottles of Dove body wash for sensitive skin, her med refills, a valentine, and a letter from her grandparents.
The letter is a bit rough, especially after having a good week - but she has got to be able to face the disappointment others have been feeling with her.
The body wash is for her Excema - she has it pretty bad, and the dermatologist they took her to said that she had developed an alergy to the soap there. A, the family rep, picked some up for her, but I figured I could get some more when I was at the store. It doesn't really surprise me - she has always had really sensitive skin. I remember when she was real little, she would get McD's chicken mcnuggets with the sweet and source sauce - and everywhere it touched her face (you know kids, getting it all over) it would leave a red mark.
That is one thing about Sallie Mae - since they do it a bit at a time at least you have a few months to ramp up the payments before you start in full for the rest of your life. It will be a bit weird, because I will now have two Sallie Mae payments each month.
One of the things I need to do is to consolidate all of these into a single payment - but I've heard some things about that which make me want to wait until we have them all. And that may be another year and a half from now.
So a bit of breathing room, at least for the next six months. It has us really worried that we would not be able to get loans and she would have to come home early. Unfortunately, if she hits 18 then she will probably have to come home anyway, but at that point things are a bit different. At 18 she may come back, but doesn't have to be in the home. Before that there really isn't a choice.
Of course maybe she has really turned things around like it seemed last week - only time and her will tell on that.
We shipped off a box to her today. The 7 Habits for Highly Successful Teens Workbook, two big bottles of Dove body wash for sensitive skin, her med refills, a valentine, and a letter from her grandparents.
The letter is a bit rough, especially after having a good week - but she has got to be able to face the disappointment others have been feeling with her.
The body wash is for her Excema - she has it pretty bad, and the dermatologist they took her to said that she had developed an alergy to the soap there. A, the family rep, picked some up for her, but I figured I could get some more when I was at the store. It doesn't really surprise me - she has always had really sensitive skin. I remember when she was real little, she would get McD's chicken mcnuggets with the sweet and source sauce - and everywhere it touched her face (you know kids, getting it all over) it would leave a red mark.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Some small progress
Well, we had a pleasant surprise yesterday during our call. B, the therapist, reviewed what Katie had been doing. The first week it was pretty much the same, but the second week she had gained support in nearly all her goals, being about 80% completion. That is a huge jump. And then he went and got her on the call, which was the first time in about six weeks.
We told her we were proud of her accomplishments, but not to give up. She was saying that there was one goal she couldn't do (calling other girls on rule violations) - that it was just too hard. I tried to frame it just like everything else in her life - where it all seems too hard until she does it.
So, for the first time in a long while she actually seems to have a little bit of positive momentum.
And I contacted the admission company about trying for another loan. I figured I'd ask for the next 17 months (to get to her 18th birthday) - I don't know if I'll get it, or just part of it again. But it is a start.
We told her we were proud of her accomplishments, but not to give up. She was saying that there was one goal she couldn't do (calling other girls on rule violations) - that it was just too hard. I tried to frame it just like everything else in her life - where it all seems too hard until she does it.
So, for the first time in a long while she actually seems to have a little bit of positive momentum.
And I contacted the admission company about trying for another loan. I figured I'd ask for the next 17 months (to get to her 18th birthday) - I don't know if I'll get it, or just part of it again. But it is a start.
Friday, January 26, 2007
No real change
No real change this week. We had our call with A, the family rep, yesterday, and that went well. It was a bit humorous, as I think we told her more than she told us, simply filling her in on a lot of background.
As much as Katie is bringing her baggage with her, there is still a lot of starting over right now. She is still out of Orange, and slowly accumulating points. She is working on her homework for the next seminar - well, except for working on earning her level - as she has to be at level 3 to attend it, regardless of what homework is done.
We haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks as well, so hard to judge based on her letters, since we haven't had any.
She does have a rash, and I have to call today to give the insurance info to a dermatologist for her to see. I should have done this last week, but I kept leaving the number at home (and of course I need to call during the day to set this up). But I have it here now, so I can get it taken care of today.
Then next week one of the more fun parts starts again - it is time to apply for a third loan to keep her there. This part makes me real nervous - are we going to get another one, and for how much (i.e. how long?) I've estimated that it will be another $72,000 to keep her there until her 18th birthday or so - which is slightly less than we've already taken out. From what I know, my credit is pretty good anymore - the biggest concern is how much we owe - that is why the last loan was only enough for six months instead of a year. However when we did that one we were in the process of consolidating a bunch of other stuff - so all of it would have been outstanding at the time. With all those other things (car, gutters, credit cards, etc) paid off on that second mortgage I hope that it will go better.
It makes me feel a little bit like Oliver Twist though. "More please?"
I am really hoping I can do it without anythign else, but I do have some other ideas to help if they turn us down. I don't know if they would work, but it is better than nothing at all. I think, worst case being that we couldn't get any more loans, that I could come up with something like four to six months worth (via tax refund (that we are hoping is really good) and 401K loans), but it would really leave us hurting, especially because the payments on that option would be as much or more than what the education loans would be. Then there would be the straight 401k hardship withdrawal after that - which would not directly hurt so bad, but really hurt retirement, especially because I would have to stop contributing to it, which means I would lose the company match, which is the only retirement money they are providing any more.
But who am I fooling with that? The way things are, I can never retire anyway. I have to work another 30 years to pay off the loans I already have.
I do figure that once they are all done I can consolidate all of them into one, which should make that part a little less painful each month.
I sure hope Diane manages to sell a lot more houses this year - it would make everything a lot easier if we were a steady two income household. Last year she went from for over six months with no closings. Overall she didn't have a bad year (August was really good), but it wasn't consistent, and wasn't great.
Ok, this is depressing enough for one day.
As much as Katie is bringing her baggage with her, there is still a lot of starting over right now. She is still out of Orange, and slowly accumulating points. She is working on her homework for the next seminar - well, except for working on earning her level - as she has to be at level 3 to attend it, regardless of what homework is done.
We haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks as well, so hard to judge based on her letters, since we haven't had any.
She does have a rash, and I have to call today to give the insurance info to a dermatologist for her to see. I should have done this last week, but I kept leaving the number at home (and of course I need to call during the day to set this up). But I have it here now, so I can get it taken care of today.
Then next week one of the more fun parts starts again - it is time to apply for a third loan to keep her there. This part makes me real nervous - are we going to get another one, and for how much (i.e. how long?) I've estimated that it will be another $72,000 to keep her there until her 18th birthday or so - which is slightly less than we've already taken out. From what I know, my credit is pretty good anymore - the biggest concern is how much we owe - that is why the last loan was only enough for six months instead of a year. However when we did that one we were in the process of consolidating a bunch of other stuff - so all of it would have been outstanding at the time. With all those other things (car, gutters, credit cards, etc) paid off on that second mortgage I hope that it will go better.
It makes me feel a little bit like Oliver Twist though. "More please?"
I am really hoping I can do it without anythign else, but I do have some other ideas to help if they turn us down. I don't know if they would work, but it is better than nothing at all. I think, worst case being that we couldn't get any more loans, that I could come up with something like four to six months worth (via tax refund (that we are hoping is really good) and 401K loans), but it would really leave us hurting, especially because the payments on that option would be as much or more than what the education loans would be. Then there would be the straight 401k hardship withdrawal after that - which would not directly hurt so bad, but really hurt retirement, especially because I would have to stop contributing to it, which means I would lose the company match, which is the only retirement money they are providing any more.
But who am I fooling with that? The way things are, I can never retire anyway. I have to work another 30 years to pay off the loans I already have.
I do figure that once they are all done I can consolidate all of them into one, which should make that part a little less painful each month.
I sure hope Diane manages to sell a lot more houses this year - it would make everything a lot easier if we were a steady two income household. Last year she went from for over six months with no closings. Overall she didn't have a bad year (August was really good), but it wasn't consistent, and wasn't great.
Ok, this is depressing enough for one day.
Friday, January 19, 2007
First Call
We (finally) had our first call with the new therapist, B, last night. He sounds fairly nice, and right on the ball. He is a bit different than the previous one, but then that is what we were trying for as nothing was working before.
They do seem to have a fairly good handle on Katie, especially the part about not wanting to continue with her previous goals, and putting them off whenever possible. One thing he is all about though is to have her earn privileges, so I don't know when she will actually be on a therapy call again. That, in my opinion, is not a bad thing. If it will motivate her to work then it is all good.
Right after we got off that call, we also heard from the new family rep, A. She really seemed nice as well, and apologized for not getting with us sooner, but she just got the paperwork on Katie (isn't bureacracy wonderful!). So we will have our regular calls with her also on Thursdays, just a bit later.
She is concerned about the rash Katie has, an I need to make arrangements with a dermatologist for her to get an appointment - and of course I left that information at home today. She also saw that Katie was saying her knee hurt - but I think that is from all the running. We did get her a simple knee brace when we were there in October.
She did agree that there is pretty much no substance in any of Katie's letters, which is the same as in her group. One of the things they are going to try is to have her talk about something about each of the other girls - putting the focus off of herself for once.
One of the other things that was a bit surprising was a new 'revelation' that she made to everyone and said she put in her autobiography, but that none of us have heard of / seen before. We honestly don't believe her, and think once more she is making stuff up to try and get acceptance and fit in with her new group.
*sigh*
as much as things change, they still stay the same.
They do seem to have a fairly good handle on Katie, especially the part about not wanting to continue with her previous goals, and putting them off whenever possible. One thing he is all about though is to have her earn privileges, so I don't know when she will actually be on a therapy call again. That, in my opinion, is not a bad thing. If it will motivate her to work then it is all good.
Right after we got off that call, we also heard from the new family rep, A. She really seemed nice as well, and apologized for not getting with us sooner, but she just got the paperwork on Katie (isn't bureacracy wonderful!). So we will have our regular calls with her also on Thursdays, just a bit later.
She is concerned about the rash Katie has, an I need to make arrangements with a dermatologist for her to get an appointment - and of course I left that information at home today. She also saw that Katie was saying her knee hurt - but I think that is from all the running. We did get her a simple knee brace when we were there in October.
She did agree that there is pretty much no substance in any of Katie's letters, which is the same as in her group. One of the things they are going to try is to have her talk about something about each of the other girls - putting the focus off of herself for once.
One of the other things that was a bit surprising was a new 'revelation' that she made to everyone and said she put in her autobiography, but that none of us have heard of / seen before. We honestly don't believe her, and think once more she is making stuff up to try and get acceptance and fit in with her new group.
*sigh*
as much as things change, they still stay the same.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Feeling Poorly
We actually got a call from our old rep last night, because we aren't really set up with the new one yet. Apparently chicken pox is going around the school, and Katie has a rash. It isn't chicken pox, as she has had it, but it does appear to be infectious, so she is in the infirmary with it.
Plus the dentist does recommend she get her wisdom teeth out - however right now I would like to hold off on that for a while, unless they really start to act up. While it is 'minor' surgery, it is surgery and that is especially hard on someone without any family there, and the school really isn't set up for that. They recommended we wait until she makes a higher level, so we can do it on a pass. I kind of laughed at that, but we may just have to wait until she is actually at home for it, as it seems to me much more likely at this point than her making a high level.
It looks like our therapy calls will be on Thursdays with B, so I hope to get our alternate calls the same with A, but I haven't heard from her yet. This is the off week for therapy calls, so the first will be next week.
I don't like hearing that she is sick, and know that being away from home makes it even worse. Unfortunately it is a fact of life. Maybe this will make her want to come home a bit more, since nothing else seems to be able to inspire her.
Plus the dentist does recommend she get her wisdom teeth out - however right now I would like to hold off on that for a while, unless they really start to act up. While it is 'minor' surgery, it is surgery and that is especially hard on someone without any family there, and the school really isn't set up for that. They recommended we wait until she makes a higher level, so we can do it on a pass. I kind of laughed at that, but we may just have to wait until she is actually at home for it, as it seems to me much more likely at this point than her making a high level.
It looks like our therapy calls will be on Thursdays with B, so I hope to get our alternate calls the same with A, but I haven't heard from her yet. This is the off week for therapy calls, so the first will be next week.
I don't like hearing that she is sick, and know that being away from home makes it even worse. Unfortunately it is a fact of life. Maybe this will make her want to come home a bit more, since nothing else seems to be able to inspire her.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Nice Weekend, new therapist
This past weekend we met up with our Keys family at the "Great Wolf Lodge" indoor waterpark in Sandusky Ohio, and it was a lot of fun, both for the boys and for us to have a chance to get with our 'family' outside of the seminars. Lots of playing in the water and talking. It is always nice to start to get to know the people you see there outside of that environment - I've found it fairly amazing how you can share such intimate details with people, and yet know so little about their 'normal' lives.
I also heard from Katie's new therapist, B. (I'm going to use his initial because having no way to refer to them except by 'her therapist' and 'family rep' was just getting difficult to write, but still keeps them fairly anonymous. And this is about us after all, not them.
Anyway, it looks like we'll be setting up our call for next week - he seems to be on the opposite weekly schedule than we had before, which is actually no big deal. So this week should be a family rep call, but we haven't gotten that contact yet.
B did say that Katie wanted to start fresh. Of course that means that she has made new goals, rather than work on the ones she had before. That, to me, means that the new goals are probably not what she needs to work on, as her old goals were to simply progress in the program, i.e. get to level 2. She claimed to be working on the homework for the next seminar, which is a moot point right now as she has to be at level 3 to be allowed to go to the next seminar, and right now that is a long way off.
So she has her fresh start - now we just have to see what, if anything, she does with it.
I also heard from Katie's new therapist, B. (I'm going to use his initial because having no way to refer to them except by 'her therapist' and 'family rep' was just getting difficult to write, but still keeps them fairly anonymous. And this is about us after all, not them.
Anyway, it looks like we'll be setting up our call for next week - he seems to be on the opposite weekly schedule than we had before, which is actually no big deal. So this week should be a family rep call, but we haven't gotten that contact yet.
B did say that Katie wanted to start fresh. Of course that means that she has made new goals, rather than work on the ones she had before. That, to me, means that the new goals are probably not what she needs to work on, as her old goals were to simply progress in the program, i.e. get to level 2. She claimed to be working on the homework for the next seminar, which is a moot point right now as she has to be at level 3 to be allowed to go to the next seminar, and right now that is a long way off.
So she has her fresh start - now we just have to see what, if anything, she does with it.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Pulling the Trigger
I just got an email from Katie's therapist, and it looks like they are going to move her tomorrow. We were a little worried when we heard that she wouldn't be going where we first thought, but he put my fears to rest when he said that the therapist he had first thought about is moving on - I had that paranoid feeling that someone else was going to refuse to take her!
I'm going to miss the old therapist and family rep - they were really good people, and have really helped us through this, even is Katie has been so stubborn and refused every opportunity she has yet had.
So tomorrow is a bit of a new start, though I think we are all hoping that the new therapist and family rep will give her the kick in the butt that she needs to actually do something.
I'm going to miss the old therapist and family rep - they were really good people, and have really helped us through this, even is Katie has been so stubborn and refused every opportunity she has yet had.
So tomorrow is a bit of a new start, though I think we are all hoping that the new therapist and family rep will give her the kick in the butt that she needs to actually do something.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New Year, Same Old Stuff
So with the new year, people love to make resolutions, reflect on the past year, and paln for the future.
Katie however, is doing none of that. She is simply sitting there. We talked with our family rep last night, and they haven't been able to change her groups yet due to some issues with the group they were going to put her in, so now they are looking at another one. But she has done absolutely nothing at all in the past three weeks, simply waiting for a 'fresh start'. She doesn't seem to realize that in life there aren't any 'do-overs', no one truly gets a fresh start.
As much as a new group will be different, she is the same. And all the girls, from all the groups, know about her. There is enough movement, and the upper level girls doing service work in other groups than their own, so she isn't escaping her past.
She stayed out of Orange, but has done nothing. She says she is working on her homework for the next seminar, but to be eligible to go to the next seminar she has to first achieve level 3, and right now I wonder if that will EVER happen.
When we started this, I was first wondering how long it would take her to graduate, and what we need to change in our home when she returns. Now I'm really questioning if she ever will graduate, if she will even make the next seminar. And I worry a lot about the money, if we can get the next loan, how long we can keep her there, and in the end if she continues to choose not to do anything will this be worth my working for the next 30 years to pay off.
And I'm also frustrated with the constant barrage of student loan consolidation letters. I do plan to consolidate the loans - but only when I have ALL of them in - it doesn't make sense to do it before then, since you can only do it once (or so the law used to be, and I don't know if it has changed).
On the brighter side (if there is one today), I have requested to staff the next Discovery and Focus seminars in Chicago. Right now I'm extremely frustrated and not working my own program, and the fact that we won't be going to any more seminars until May isn't helping, so I figure this will. Since I've done one, I'm not really worried about doing it again, and I really think it will be cool to follow a group from Discovery through Focus into Keys (and not only that, but then perhaps I will actually have some people I know there when I graduate in May - isn't that selfish of me :-) !). Diane isn't going to staff, but she may go with me, though I think that her just sitting in the hotel for three and four days would be kind of a waste, as I won't have any time at all to do anything with her, since you are busy from 9 am to midnight every day. However I think she is a bit worried about me driving home afterward alone when I'm tired.
One last note - they put up new pictures of all the groups, and Katie looks pretty good in hers (much better than the last one) - and like she has lost even more weight, which is also great.
Katie however, is doing none of that. She is simply sitting there. We talked with our family rep last night, and they haven't been able to change her groups yet due to some issues with the group they were going to put her in, so now they are looking at another one. But she has done absolutely nothing at all in the past three weeks, simply waiting for a 'fresh start'. She doesn't seem to realize that in life there aren't any 'do-overs', no one truly gets a fresh start.
As much as a new group will be different, she is the same. And all the girls, from all the groups, know about her. There is enough movement, and the upper level girls doing service work in other groups than their own, so she isn't escaping her past.
She stayed out of Orange, but has done nothing. She says she is working on her homework for the next seminar, but to be eligible to go to the next seminar she has to first achieve level 3, and right now I wonder if that will EVER happen.
When we started this, I was first wondering how long it would take her to graduate, and what we need to change in our home when she returns. Now I'm really questioning if she ever will graduate, if she will even make the next seminar. And I worry a lot about the money, if we can get the next loan, how long we can keep her there, and in the end if she continues to choose not to do anything will this be worth my working for the next 30 years to pay off.
And I'm also frustrated with the constant barrage of student loan consolidation letters. I do plan to consolidate the loans - but only when I have ALL of them in - it doesn't make sense to do it before then, since you can only do it once (or so the law used to be, and I don't know if it has changed).
On the brighter side (if there is one today), I have requested to staff the next Discovery and Focus seminars in Chicago. Right now I'm extremely frustrated and not working my own program, and the fact that we won't be going to any more seminars until May isn't helping, so I figure this will. Since I've done one, I'm not really worried about doing it again, and I really think it will be cool to follow a group from Discovery through Focus into Keys (and not only that, but then perhaps I will actually have some people I know there when I graduate in May - isn't that selfish of me :-) !). Diane isn't going to staff, but she may go with me, though I think that her just sitting in the hotel for three and four days would be kind of a waste, as I won't have any time at all to do anything with her, since you are busy from 9 am to midnight every day. However I think she is a bit worried about me driving home afterward alone when I'm tired.
One last note - they put up new pictures of all the groups, and Katie looks pretty good in hers (much better than the last one) - and like she has lost even more weight, which is also great.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Moving
With the holidays going on I have not been able to stick to my routine, so I'm behind on posting to the blog. We talked with Katie on Saturday the 23rd, and her brothers actually had a chance to say hi as well. That it pretty much all that was in the call, just a chance for everyone to say Merry Christmas.
Yesterday I had what is our last call with our current therapist. While Katie is out of orange, she has not done anything to work on her program. He is moving her next week, as most of the staff is on holiday as well as us 'ordinary' people. After talking with him, we are moving her to a female therapist, to get a different perspective on things. She will call us next week to work out our calls, so I don't know when they will be now.
My frustration level is running high as ever. I got a letter saying how she was going to work at being accountable, and 'honestly' answering some of my questions about what she wanted in her life, as well as another confession letter describing how she had gotten into some personal items of Diane's and mine.
So in one way I guess we are staring over. All we can do is hope this makes a difference.
Yesterday I had what is our last call with our current therapist. While Katie is out of orange, she has not done anything to work on her program. He is moving her next week, as most of the staff is on holiday as well as us 'ordinary' people. After talking with him, we are moving her to a female therapist, to get a different perspective on things. She will call us next week to work out our calls, so I don't know when they will be now.
My frustration level is running high as ever. I got a letter saying how she was going to work at being accountable, and 'honestly' answering some of my questions about what she wanted in her life, as well as another confession letter describing how she had gotten into some personal items of Diane's and mine.
So in one way I guess we are staring over. All we can do is hope this makes a difference.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Come Clean in Orange
Well, we just got off the phone with our family rep, for what is probably the last time.
Katie is back in orange. She got a Cat 4, then several more, and did a "Come Clean", where she basically gets caught up on all the cats she should have written herself up on. So she still has some 85 tape credits yet to go since this weekend.
And that also means that we are going to have to pull the plug on the group change. Just to avoid the confusion, and since I didn't want to give out names in this blog, our old rep was K, and our therapist was G. Now it looks like our new rep is O, and new therapist is P. She is going to group K, but not until the 26th. G said he is keeping his agreement, she has two weeks to do the work to have 60% support. He had her in group N, then group B.
One of my focus sisters has a daughter in group K, and has really liked him. K said that P is a bit more 'in your face', and his group is also a bit younger, so maybe Katie will fit in a bit better there, as her maturity is definitely an issue.
We still have our call scheduled for Saturday, and then next Tuesday as well. But neither of them look to be real happy ones.
Diane and I are very frustrated at this point, and don't know what else to look at doing. At times I wonder if I'm just throwing all this money away. But then I also think that I can't have her come home like this either.
I asked some real tough questions on the last letter, and K said she was answering them 'honestly' according to the note Katie gave her. We'll really have to see about that.
Katie is back in orange. She got a Cat 4, then several more, and did a "Come Clean", where she basically gets caught up on all the cats she should have written herself up on. So she still has some 85 tape credits yet to go since this weekend.
And that also means that we are going to have to pull the plug on the group change. Just to avoid the confusion, and since I didn't want to give out names in this blog, our old rep was K, and our therapist was G. Now it looks like our new rep is O, and new therapist is P. She is going to group K, but not until the 26th. G said he is keeping his agreement, she has two weeks to do the work to have 60% support. He had her in group N, then group B.
One of my focus sisters has a daughter in group K, and has really liked him. K said that P is a bit more 'in your face', and his group is also a bit younger, so maybe Katie will fit in a bit better there, as her maturity is definitely an issue.
We still have our call scheduled for Saturday, and then next Tuesday as well. But neither of them look to be real happy ones.
Diane and I are very frustrated at this point, and don't know what else to look at doing. At times I wonder if I'm just throwing all this money away. But then I also think that I can't have her come home like this either.
I asked some real tough questions on the last letter, and K said she was answering them 'honestly' according to the note Katie gave her. We'll really have to see about that.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Last Chance
We had our therapy call last night, but Katie wasn't on it. While she wasn't in orange, she probably should have been. Her therapist is frustrated with her, and has given her an ultimatum - either she starts working the program or he is transferring her. This means that in two weeks (12/26) she has to have 60% support on her goals (meaning that she has to have 60% of the requirements met as judged by the other girls in the group) or she is going to be moved.
Her first response was to just move her now. For the fourteen months she has been there, she has yet to be accountable for anything. Whenever anyone calls her on anything, she wants to argue, rather than admitting it and being accountable for it.
I'm just worried about changing people, as both the family rep and therapist would change. The one she woudl be going to has also worked with one of the daughters from one of my focus sisters, and she is very happy with him, though her daughter is working the program. So now it is a bit of waiting, because I don't feel that she will do the work.
We do get a Christmas call on the 23rd with her, and then the 26th to see what is going to happen. And her grandparents will be here for then, so they are going to say hi as well.
I don't really know what she needs to wake her up.
Her first response was to just move her now. For the fourteen months she has been there, she has yet to be accountable for anything. Whenever anyone calls her on anything, she wants to argue, rather than admitting it and being accountable for it.
I'm just worried about changing people, as both the family rep and therapist would change. The one she woudl be going to has also worked with one of the daughters from one of my focus sisters, and she is very happy with him, though her daughter is working the program. So now it is a bit of waiting, because I don't feel that she will do the work.
We do get a Christmas call on the 23rd with her, and then the 26th to see what is going to happen. And her grandparents will be here for then, so they are going to say hi as well.
I don't really know what she needs to wake her up.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Still hanging in there
Katie is doing pretty much the same. Talking with the family rep last night; well that was the news. Her wisdom teeth seem to be coming in and bothering her, so I need to call about getting a dentist set up for her who is on our insurance.
At least she is still out of Orange, which is always a good thing. She still doesn't seem to fully acknowledge reality however, thinking that she had 50% support on her level 2 goals, when it was more like 31%, as well as believing she had more points earned than she has.
I've been better so far at trying to write her more - the key for me was to actually make an appointment once a week to write her no matter what, and so far I've managed to do this three weeks in a row. Just having that reminder is enough to get me off my butt - I wish I had that for her. And even if I don't really have anything new to say, at least it is some communication, and maybe it will help.
At least she is still out of Orange, which is always a good thing. She still doesn't seem to fully acknowledge reality however, thinking that she had 50% support on her level 2 goals, when it was more like 31%, as well as believing she had more points earned than she has.
I've been better so far at trying to write her more - the key for me was to actually make an appointment once a week to write her no matter what, and so far I've managed to do this three weeks in a row. Just having that reminder is enough to get me off my butt - I wish I had that for her. And even if I don't really have anything new to say, at least it is some communication, and maybe it will help.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Small steps
We had our bi-weekly call last night with the therapist, and Katie was still out of Orange, so she was on it as well.
The good news is he is feeling much better. Turns out he was battling Pneumonia last week, and was mis-diagnosed for a while. But he is on steroids and antibiotics now and feeling much better than he sounds. He has that Barry White 'sexy voice' thing going for him right now, deep, gravely and breathy. But I'm glad he is getting better.
Katie - well she is doing slightly better. For support she is at 33% this week, which is significantly better, but still not very good. She tried a couple of things that we talked about. One was that the therapist gave her back her journals, and she 'assumed' that meant she could have everything back. That was quickly corrected.
Also, she 'came to the realization' that she has to do things for herself, not for other people. So she decided to change her goals for herself. We again quickly corrected her, that her stated intention was good, but the goals she has are not for others, but for herself, and they aren't going to change. She has the same requirements to make level 2 that every other person there has.
It felt like most of the call was us talking - to the point of lecturing. That wasn't very effective. She is doing a tiny bit better, but right now I'm not doing anything but waiting. She has shown progress for short times before, the real key point is to start showing it consistently. So for now we just wait, and work our own program. If things go like they have in the past, then most likely she will be in Orange before our next call with her in two weeks. I can hope that she finally decides to break this pattern - at this point though I can't really tell if she will or not.
And so we wait. . .
The good news is he is feeling much better. Turns out he was battling Pneumonia last week, and was mis-diagnosed for a while. But he is on steroids and antibiotics now and feeling much better than he sounds. He has that Barry White 'sexy voice' thing going for him right now, deep, gravely and breathy. But I'm glad he is getting better.
Katie - well she is doing slightly better. For support she is at 33% this week, which is significantly better, but still not very good. She tried a couple of things that we talked about. One was that the therapist gave her back her journals, and she 'assumed' that meant she could have everything back. That was quickly corrected.
Also, she 'came to the realization' that she has to do things for herself, not for other people. So she decided to change her goals for herself. We again quickly corrected her, that her stated intention was good, but the goals she has are not for others, but for herself, and they aren't going to change. She has the same requirements to make level 2 that every other person there has.
It felt like most of the call was us talking - to the point of lecturing. That wasn't very effective. She is doing a tiny bit better, but right now I'm not doing anything but waiting. She has shown progress for short times before, the real key point is to start showing it consistently. So for now we just wait, and work our own program. If things go like they have in the past, then most likely she will be in Orange before our next call with her in two weeks. I can hope that she finally decides to break this pattern - at this point though I can't really tell if she will or not.
And so we wait. . .
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Better week
This was our week to talk with the family rep. It was a good call, but then they always are with her. Katie is still out of Orange, and earning positive points. That is a good thing. Will it last? Is she going to start working? Is this time going to be any different than the last half dozen (or more) times she has gotten out of Orange, only to go back in a few weeks later.
Do I sound cynical? I am feeling extremely frustrated right now.
The rep always asks the girls if they have any messages when she is scheduled to talk to their parents. Katie mentioned that I had said I was going to write more, and hadn't. So at least she has learned something about accountability. I just feel a bit indignant that she would call me on a broken agreement (if it even was an agreement, I said
I did write her today. I would like to write more. It is very difficult at this point though. The idea keeps going through my head lately that I'm going to end up with 30 years of fairly oppressive student loans - all for nothing. This school is going to cost about $150,000 to get her to age 18. More than I make in a year. The loan payments are already approaching the mortgage payment for the house, and I still need to get loans for $66,000 more, as we only have enough to get her through March. And what if she wants to stay on after 18 even.
We have her Christmas list, as well as the 'allowable' list from the school. We need to get this together and shipped off. Not that I'm all that enthusiastic about that either. I don't know if that makes me a horrible father or what - to feel such resentment for my daughter.
I thought some of this would eventually get easier.
Do I sound cynical? I am feeling extremely frustrated right now.
The rep always asks the girls if they have any messages when she is scheduled to talk to their parents. Katie mentioned that I had said I was going to write more, and hadn't. So at least she has learned something about accountability. I just feel a bit indignant that she would call me on a broken agreement (if it even was an agreement, I said
So I'm not so sure I broke an agreement) when she is at such a state. That is my self-limiting belief, but it is still a huge case of calling the kettle black.I do intend to write more, but while I’m at a +5 to see you through this program and have you graduate, I’m not there on writing letters.
I did write her today. I would like to write more. It is very difficult at this point though. The idea keeps going through my head lately that I'm going to end up with 30 years of fairly oppressive student loans - all for nothing. This school is going to cost about $150,000 to get her to age 18. More than I make in a year. The loan payments are already approaching the mortgage payment for the house, and I still need to get loans for $66,000 more, as we only have enough to get her through March. And what if she wants to stay on after 18 even.
We have her Christmas list, as well as the 'allowable' list from the school. We need to get this together and shipped off. Not that I'm all that enthusiastic about that either. I don't know if that makes me a horrible father or what - to feel such resentment for my daughter.
I thought some of this would eventually get easier.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Back from Keys
We don't talk to the family rep until tomorrow, so we have no news about Katie.
Diane and I, however, had a fantastic weekend at our 4th Keys seminar "Living a Purposeful Life." I think that, of all we have attended, this was the best of the keys weekends. "Being in Relationship" was great, but not quite as good as this one.
It is interesting to me, how this seemed so much more a continuation of the process we started in Discovery and Focus, as did the relationship keys to a lesser extent. The addiction and Effective Communication keys, in contrast, were much more stand-alone, standard seminars. They didn't seem to build or continue on the others, and didn't seem to connect with them.
Is that because of the facilitators? Carol did this one, Lou did relationships. Carol did our Discovery (as well as the one I staffed), Lou does Focus. David did the two that didn't seem to connect. We were at first excited to hear he would be doing them, but now I'm much less enthused about him.
In May we should become keyholders, and it should be with Carol again at Styles of Communication. I don't know if the content will be as powerful (I've heard it is similar to Effective Communications, and more of a stand alone, with a lot of information, but less experiences) but I am looking forward to graduating with Carol.
This weekend was also special, because so many of the people we started with graduated. This was the largest keys graduation so far, with 40 people graduating. It was hard, because I wasn't able to personally participate with everyone's experience that I wanted to (they did 5 groups of 8, and that meant that several whom I wanted to be with were at the same time). Yes, this sounds confusing, but I can't discuss more without revealing too much - and one of the ground rules is confidentiality. And it isn't because this is a cult or secretive or anything - but simply because the key to a lot of the power of the seminars is experiencing it - you learn and grow by experiencing the process - and knowing what is going to happen ahead of time only serves to spoil the process. It isn't about what the answers are, but in how you find and discover the answers yourself.
So back to graduation. Four of the members of my focus family graduated, two of them being the firsts - one was the youngest ever to graduate (at 19), because before her they limited you to being 21 to attend. She was our focus leader, and is an inspiration to me. The other is a family rep at one of the schools, though not the one Katie is at. The schools send all the reps to Discovery, and some to Focus, but keys is all on their own. She almost didn't continue on this journey with us, but with our support early on continued on with the seminars, and is the first family rep at any school to be a keyholder.
I was saddended that I wasn't graduating with them. I still question how you are supposed to be +5 at everything, when they can conflict with each others. My committment to the Band Boosters at +5 conflicted with my +5 committment to the seminars, so I missed Styles of Communication in July - and we will have to make it up in May. Had we known we were going to miss it ahead of time, we could have gone somewhere else - but it has not been anywhere else except the bay area (again in July) since then. I wouldn't mind not graduating, but it will be tough going in May realizing that all of my family won't be there. Even my keys family will be different - as only one couple will be left (and they should graduate with us). So I'm saddened that I won't be with people I know to graduate. And I'm also saddened to think that I may not see some of these people again.
That is one drawback to these seminars - they provide wonderful support, but once you graduate then it is over. It would be kind of neat if they could have some type of ongoing seminar, once a quarter or something, to continue learning and supporting each other, that you could continue to attend as long as you had a kid in the program.
The one thing I really don't like about the seminars is the drive home - got in at 12:30 last night, and couldn't unwind to sleep until 2 am. So I'm a bit wiped out today.
Diane and I, however, had a fantastic weekend at our 4th Keys seminar "Living a Purposeful Life." I think that, of all we have attended, this was the best of the keys weekends. "Being in Relationship" was great, but not quite as good as this one.
It is interesting to me, how this seemed so much more a continuation of the process we started in Discovery and Focus, as did the relationship keys to a lesser extent. The addiction and Effective Communication keys, in contrast, were much more stand-alone, standard seminars. They didn't seem to build or continue on the others, and didn't seem to connect with them.
Is that because of the facilitators? Carol did this one, Lou did relationships. Carol did our Discovery (as well as the one I staffed), Lou does Focus. David did the two that didn't seem to connect. We were at first excited to hear he would be doing them, but now I'm much less enthused about him.
In May we should become keyholders, and it should be with Carol again at Styles of Communication. I don't know if the content will be as powerful (I've heard it is similar to Effective Communications, and more of a stand alone, with a lot of information, but less experiences) but I am looking forward to graduating with Carol.
This weekend was also special, because so many of the people we started with graduated. This was the largest keys graduation so far, with 40 people graduating. It was hard, because I wasn't able to personally participate with everyone's experience that I wanted to (they did 5 groups of 8, and that meant that several whom I wanted to be with were at the same time). Yes, this sounds confusing, but I can't discuss more without revealing too much - and one of the ground rules is confidentiality. And it isn't because this is a cult or secretive or anything - but simply because the key to a lot of the power of the seminars is experiencing it - you learn and grow by experiencing the process - and knowing what is going to happen ahead of time only serves to spoil the process. It isn't about what the answers are, but in how you find and discover the answers yourself.
So back to graduation. Four of the members of my focus family graduated, two of them being the firsts - one was the youngest ever to graduate (at 19), because before her they limited you to being 21 to attend. She was our focus leader, and is an inspiration to me. The other is a family rep at one of the schools, though not the one Katie is at. The schools send all the reps to Discovery, and some to Focus, but keys is all on their own. She almost didn't continue on this journey with us, but with our support early on continued on with the seminars, and is the first family rep at any school to be a keyholder.
I was saddended that I wasn't graduating with them. I still question how you are supposed to be +5 at everything, when they can conflict with each others. My committment to the Band Boosters at +5 conflicted with my +5 committment to the seminars, so I missed Styles of Communication in July - and we will have to make it up in May. Had we known we were going to miss it ahead of time, we could have gone somewhere else - but it has not been anywhere else except the bay area (again in July) since then. I wouldn't mind not graduating, but it will be tough going in May realizing that all of my family won't be there. Even my keys family will be different - as only one couple will be left (and they should graduate with us). So I'm saddened that I won't be with people I know to graduate. And I'm also saddened to think that I may not see some of these people again.
That is one drawback to these seminars - they provide wonderful support, but once you graduate then it is over. It would be kind of neat if they could have some type of ongoing seminar, once a quarter or something, to continue learning and supporting each other, that you could continue to attend as long as you had a kid in the program.
The one thing I really don't like about the seminars is the drive home - got in at 12:30 last night, and couldn't unwind to sleep until 2 am. So I'm a bit wiped out today.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
100th Post!
Somewhat by surprise, I realized that we had 99 posts in our journey so far, so I thought I would go ahead and add a special one for the magic 100!
So, after 100 posts, where are we on our journey? I guess it is a good time to review things.
Sept 23, 2005 - Katie was picked up by the escort service, and enrolled in the school
Dec 12, 2005 - Diane and I attended Discovery
Jan 15, 2006 - Diane and I attended Focus (I am an Intelligent, Worthy and Powerful Man! Diane is a Strong, Worth, Lovable Woman!)
February 2006 - Katie graduates Orientation on her second try.
March 7, 2006 - Diane and I attended Keys to Success: Being in Relationship
April 14, 2006 - Katie is put in Discovery to try and get her moving, and graduates.
April 28, 2006 - Diane and I saw Katie for the first time in six months at PC1.
May 7, 2006 - Diane and I attend Keys to Success: Addiction Awareness
August 4, 2006 - Mike Staffs Discovery, our oldest son attends
October 1, 2006 - Diane and I attend Keys to Success: Effective Communication
October 19, 2006 - Diane and I have a pass with Katie to see if she is making progress
November 18, 2006 - Diane and I attend Keys to Success: Living a Purposeful Life
When I look at these milestones - it is pretty amazing how far Diane and I have come in the past year. We have met some truly wonderful people, that have touched our lives in ways we never expected. At some point we have to be greatful to Katie, for we would not have grown the way we have were it not for her.
She has progressed some as well, though she is not working the program, even after 14 months. There are positive changes in her, but still a lot of old habits and old patterns that she keeps falling back into.
Life is but a journey, not a destination. And so we continue on ours, living, loving, growing and sharing as we go. When I started this I didn't know where it would go, if anywhere. I have heard that it has touched one or two people, and I'm happy for that. I don't truly know if any of this is ever read, but my hope is that maybe it will help someone else, let them know that they aren't alone, that they don't need to be alone. That was one of the hardest parts about starting this process, feeling that we were completely by ourselves.
For anyone reading this - please feel free to leave feedback - either publicly in the comments, or privately emailing me or Diane. Thanks for reading.
So, after 100 posts, where are we on our journey? I guess it is a good time to review things.
When I look at these milestones - it is pretty amazing how far Diane and I have come in the past year. We have met some truly wonderful people, that have touched our lives in ways we never expected. At some point we have to be greatful to Katie, for we would not have grown the way we have were it not for her.
She has progressed some as well, though she is not working the program, even after 14 months. There are positive changes in her, but still a lot of old habits and old patterns that she keeps falling back into.
Life is but a journey, not a destination. And so we continue on ours, living, loving, growing and sharing as we go. When I started this I didn't know where it would go, if anywhere. I have heard that it has touched one or two people, and I'm happy for that. I don't truly know if any of this is ever read, but my hope is that maybe it will help someone else, let them know that they aren't alone, that they don't need to be alone. That was one of the hardest parts about starting this process, feeling that we were completely by ourselves.
For anyone reading this - please feel free to leave feedback - either publicly in the comments, or privately emailing me or Diane. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Still sliding
*sigh*
*SIGH*
I don't know what to say. Katie has gotten out of Orange at least. So we talked to her last night on the therapy call. It wasn't a good call however.
On Mondays, her therapist goes over with the group what they feel she has done to make level two - and is able to make this a qualified judgement of how much of the requirements she has met. A few weeks ago she had met 18% of them, this week - 6%. Not even trying. And when asked what the requirements were - now remember these are the goals she is supposed to be working on every day - she didn't remember what they were! At all! And one of the girls in her room said she thought Katie threw them away.
I'm very frustrated. I eventually flat out asked if she just planned on sitting there for the next year and a half until she turned 18 and took her exit plan. At times she will tell her therapist that she wants to come home, but she doesn't act at all like it. If she wanted to come home she would be trying to work the program - and she isn't even trying.
She asked to be moved to a different group again - that was shut down immediately. She isn't running from her issues. She said that she didn't want to be in the group, but just to work on her goals by herself. Well most of her goals are about interacting with others.
She wants to be home for her senior year. She still has to complete Algebra before being at a full sophomore level - so she is behind there.
I asked her if she realizes that Thanksgiving is only a couple of weeks away - and that she won't be here at home with the family AGAIN. And Christmas is in six weeks - and she won't be here for that either. And did she want to have a third Christmas at the school as well.
We did get a letter yesterday as well - that talks some of what was going on as well. And has her Christmas list in it. I don't even know what I want to do about that. Maybe just send a huge lump of coal.
I received the latest statement from the school - for the first time we actually owe money on the statement. The latest loan is being disbursed in installments, and will cover it by the due date. I then did some rough calculations, to make sure the disbursements would cover things, and they do. Then I extended this out - and we will need another $66,000 to make it to her 18th birthday. This on top of the $86,000 we have already taken loans for.
*SIGH*
The loan payments are already close to the mortgage for the house, the next one, assuming we can get it, and that is not a small assumption, will put it WAY over - and I'm not sure we will be able to make it. Yes, we will find a way - I just don't know how yet.
Am I a horrible father because this concerns me? Am I not supposed to be concerned about student loans for $150,000 and not having her making any progress? I'll be paying for this for the next 30 years. By the time this is paid off, she will be older than I am now.
Oh yeah, she still wants to be a vet. Admirable goal - never going to happen if she doesn't change. Vet school is what - 6 years on top of a bachelor degree - 10 years of school. We won't be able to help that at all - the best I can do for my oldest son right now is to co-sign his loan, and that may not be possible soon due to the sheer amount we may owe.
We are heading to our next Keys seminar this weekend. It should be our last, but we had to miss one in July because of the marching band. So we won't be graduating with the people we started with. I look forward to seeing a lot of them on Friday night - I really miss my focus family - there are three focus sisters and our group leader that I feel really close to, and one especially. I'm saddened to think that I don't know when I'll ever see them again after this weekend. Right now it feels like it will be especially hard graduating in May (when the seminar we missed comes around again) because they won't be there - and even if they are they would be staffing, and there isn't time to catch up between staffers and participants.
We never say things enough - but especially to my focus sisters L, T and K - I love you guys. And to A - you made my focus so special, I still tear up thinking about it - and still have my stick in my wallet. I hope I can support each of you this weekend.
*SIGH*
I don't know what to say. Katie has gotten out of Orange at least. So we talked to her last night on the therapy call. It wasn't a good call however.
On Mondays, her therapist goes over with the group what they feel she has done to make level two - and is able to make this a qualified judgement of how much of the requirements she has met. A few weeks ago she had met 18% of them, this week - 6%. Not even trying. And when asked what the requirements were - now remember these are the goals she is supposed to be working on every day - she didn't remember what they were! At all! And one of the girls in her room said she thought Katie threw them away.
I'm very frustrated. I eventually flat out asked if she just planned on sitting there for the next year and a half until she turned 18 and took her exit plan. At times she will tell her therapist that she wants to come home, but she doesn't act at all like it. If she wanted to come home she would be trying to work the program - and she isn't even trying.
She asked to be moved to a different group again - that was shut down immediately. She isn't running from her issues. She said that she didn't want to be in the group, but just to work on her goals by herself. Well most of her goals are about interacting with others.
She wants to be home for her senior year. She still has to complete Algebra before being at a full sophomore level - so she is behind there.
I asked her if she realizes that Thanksgiving is only a couple of weeks away - and that she won't be here at home with the family AGAIN. And Christmas is in six weeks - and she won't be here for that either. And did she want to have a third Christmas at the school as well.
We did get a letter yesterday as well - that talks some of what was going on as well. And has her Christmas list in it. I don't even know what I want to do about that. Maybe just send a huge lump of coal.
I received the latest statement from the school - for the first time we actually owe money on the statement. The latest loan is being disbursed in installments, and will cover it by the due date. I then did some rough calculations, to make sure the disbursements would cover things, and they do. Then I extended this out - and we will need another $66,000 to make it to her 18th birthday. This on top of the $86,000 we have already taken loans for.
*SIGH*
The loan payments are already close to the mortgage for the house, the next one, assuming we can get it, and that is not a small assumption, will put it WAY over - and I'm not sure we will be able to make it. Yes, we will find a way - I just don't know how yet.
Am I a horrible father because this concerns me? Am I not supposed to be concerned about student loans for $150,000 and not having her making any progress? I'll be paying for this for the next 30 years. By the time this is paid off, she will be older than I am now.
Oh yeah, she still wants to be a vet. Admirable goal - never going to happen if she doesn't change. Vet school is what - 6 years on top of a bachelor degree - 10 years of school. We won't be able to help that at all - the best I can do for my oldest son right now is to co-sign his loan, and that may not be possible soon due to the sheer amount we may owe.
We are heading to our next Keys seminar this weekend. It should be our last, but we had to miss one in July because of the marching band. So we won't be graduating with the people we started with. I look forward to seeing a lot of them on Friday night - I really miss my focus family - there are three focus sisters and our group leader that I feel really close to, and one especially. I'm saddened to think that I don't know when I'll ever see them again after this weekend. Right now it feels like it will be especially hard graduating in May (when the seminar we missed comes around again) because they won't be there - and even if they are they would be staffing, and there isn't time to catch up between staffers and participants.
We never say things enough - but especially to my focus sisters L, T and K - I love you guys. And to A - you made my focus so special, I still tear up thinking about it - and still have my stick in my wallet. I hope I can support each of you this weekend.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Still 'in her crap'
I (Diane had to work until 6, so she didn't get in on the call) talked with our family rep again yesterday. Academically Katie is doing ok, finished off most of here courses she was on except for Algebra. But she is still in Orange.
Katie has recieved a lot of feedback from the group lately, most of which seems to come pretty close to home. But she isn't taking it to heart like she needs to.
Apparently she had been talking to a high level girl about things, and got to the point where the girl basically asked for a break for a while, as dealing with Katie was just exhausting for her.
So the frustration meter moves up a notch. And it doesn't help to hear our keys family talk about going to PC II, or their kids coming home. Everytime someone mentions that, or talks about how we want things to look when she gets home, I wonder if she ever will graduate. I'm not worried about her coming home at this point - I'm worried where the next loan is coming from!
I need to write to her (I haven't since we got back), but at this point I really don't know what to say. Thanksgiving is coming up quick - two weeks from tomorrow, and it will be the second with her there. But looks like we'll have a dozen (thirteen counting the baby (our goddaughter)) over at the house, so that won't be so bad. Then Christmas.
I'm not feeling so bad about Christmas this year as I was last. Last year it just sucked - big time. I didn't put up lights or anything. I had to sell the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets that were my birthday present because it was the same weekend as Discovery. Discovery was great, but Christmas wasn't quite the same (I took the 3 boys to seem them this last weekend - Ohio is at the beginning of the tour this year).
Plus mom and dad are coming in for Christmas this year - the first time we'll have Christmas together in 18 years. (The last time was when my oldest son was a year old, just before we moved to Ohio). They come in late on Christmas Eve, and are here until New Year's Eve. Also last year I paid for the boys to see their mother, so not only was I missing them, but I had to pay for it as well (of course she didn't pay back any of it).
Maybe just share some of that - make her miss home a bit. I just don't know.
Katie has recieved a lot of feedback from the group lately, most of which seems to come pretty close to home. But she isn't taking it to heart like she needs to.
Apparently she had been talking to a high level girl about things, and got to the point where the girl basically asked for a break for a while, as dealing with Katie was just exhausting for her.
So the frustration meter moves up a notch. And it doesn't help to hear our keys family talk about going to PC II, or their kids coming home. Everytime someone mentions that, or talks about how we want things to look when she gets home, I wonder if she ever will graduate. I'm not worried about her coming home at this point - I'm worried where the next loan is coming from!
I need to write to her (I haven't since we got back), but at this point I really don't know what to say. Thanksgiving is coming up quick - two weeks from tomorrow, and it will be the second with her there. But looks like we'll have a dozen (thirteen counting the baby (our goddaughter)) over at the house, so that won't be so bad. Then Christmas.
I'm not feeling so bad about Christmas this year as I was last. Last year it just sucked - big time. I didn't put up lights or anything. I had to sell the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets that were my birthday present because it was the same weekend as Discovery. Discovery was great, but Christmas wasn't quite the same (I took the 3 boys to seem them this last weekend - Ohio is at the beginning of the tour this year).
Plus mom and dad are coming in for Christmas this year - the first time we'll have Christmas together in 18 years. (The last time was when my oldest son was a year old, just before we moved to Ohio). They come in late on Christmas Eve, and are here until New Year's Eve. Also last year I paid for the boys to see their mother, so not only was I missing them, but I had to pay for it as well (of course she didn't pay back any of it).
Maybe just share some of that - make her miss home a bit. I just don't know.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
And still there
*sigh* Second week in Orange.
Found out more details when we had our call with the therapist last night - of course Katie wasn't on the call as she is in Orange still.
They did a room check, and she had some things in her room she shouldn't have. I guess it was a golf pencil they used somewhere, and she shouldn't have had it. Then she was putting all her pencils in something - I don't remember what it was, but something she shouldn't have.
On one hand these seem to be some pretty stupid and extreme rules. On the other though, that is exactly the point. Don't we all have to live with some stupid and arbitrary rules. And the main thing is to learn to follow rules, period. And be accountable for all your choices, including when you choose not to follow the rules.
They did review her support - and she is at 18% of what she needs to do to get to level 2. That was another eye openener for her, we hope.
I just get frustrated, because she is so good at the 'program talk' but doesn't seem to do it. Bu as soon as I say that, I think back to the psychologist report, where it said that her communications skills were far above average, while the rest of her development was at or slightly below normal. So when you talk to her, she comes off much smarter and more capable than she may be in reality.
Hmmmm - maybe I need to go back, re-read the report (and finish the part I haven't read), and see if I can then step left and find a different way to work with her.
Found out more details when we had our call with the therapist last night - of course Katie wasn't on the call as she is in Orange still.
They did a room check, and she had some things in her room she shouldn't have. I guess it was a golf pencil they used somewhere, and she shouldn't have had it. Then she was putting all her pencils in something - I don't remember what it was, but something she shouldn't have.
On one hand these seem to be some pretty stupid and extreme rules. On the other though, that is exactly the point. Don't we all have to live with some stupid and arbitrary rules. And the main thing is to learn to follow rules, period. And be accountable for all your choices, including when you choose not to follow the rules.
They did review her support - and she is at 18% of what she needs to do to get to level 2. That was another eye openener for her, we hope.
I just get frustrated, because she is so good at the 'program talk' but doesn't seem to do it. Bu as soon as I say that, I think back to the psychologist report, where it said that her communications skills were far above average, while the rest of her development was at or slightly below normal. So when you talk to her, she comes off much smarter and more capable than she may be in reality.
Hmmmm - maybe I need to go back, re-read the report (and finish the part I haven't read), and see if I can then step left and find a different way to work with her.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Once more in Orange
We talked with the family rep yesterday, and Katie is once more in Orange, but it isn't such a big deal this time. While not quite to the point where she is catching and being accountable for herself, she has made steps toward this. It was over a minor incident, but she did not fight it nor try to argue her way out of it. That is a huge improvement.
It was also nice that our family rep now seems to be using email - we got a brief note from Katie through her, which I responded to. I know that other schools have email for their students. Not full access or anything - they get it like twice a week, but it is so much faster than the stupid snail mail, and so much easier to just send something off quickly. But each school is different.
Anyway, I don't feel so frustrated this time, and believe she is learning. I doubt it will be her last time in Orange, but she sounds much closer to working things, and making some real progress, and that is what we all want.
It was also nice that our family rep now seems to be using email - we got a brief note from Katie through her, which I responded to. I know that other schools have email for their students. Not full access or anything - they get it like twice a week, but it is so much faster than the stupid snail mail, and so much easier to just send something off quickly. But each school is different.
Anyway, I don't feel so frustrated this time, and believe she is learning. I doubt it will be her last time in Orange, but she sounds much closer to working things, and making some real progress, and that is what we all want.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
And we're back
It was a very good, and hopefully productive visit.
The logistics sucked. Our flights out were delayed, as well as bad traffic leaving Vegas, so we didn't get to our hotel until 4:15 AM. Then we had a red-eye back home, with a three hour layover in Atlanta, so we are wiped out (well I am - Diane is upstairs asleep).
Katie was completely surprised by the visit. We talked to her on Thursday morning, more social than anything else to get started. Then that afternoon we had a session with her therapist, then went to her group session. He wanted to do it a bit differently though. Usually the girls run it themselves, but this time he did.
Katie had taken level 2 on Monday, without support. She is allowed to do that, but he wanted to give her a bit of a reality check. She thought she met all but one of the requirements. He went around the group, and had each girl list the requirements, if they supported her on it, and if not, why not. Pretty rude awakening for her - as there there 3 of the 11 requirements that she had no support at all - none of the 16 girls. A couple she had full support of, a few that were a bit mixed, and the rest were generally not supported. Then we left immediately after group, but not before giving the girls a lot of hugs - most of them wanted 'mom' hugs from Diane - basically having her stand in as a surrogate for their own mothers.
On Friday morning they were running late. But we got a pleasant surprise - a couple we had been going to seminars with drove up - there were there to see their son - for pretty much the same reasons as why we were there - except their son was turning 18 soon - so things were a bit more on edge as he had a possible exit plan looming. It was kind of amazing how I could run into my focus brother there - it is such a small world and there are no accidents.
We had a good session in the morning with Katie, going over respect and not just showing it, but truly internalizing it and feeling it. We also practiced listening skills with her. In the afternoon we talked about integrity and honesty - again having a good talk. Then it was done. Surprisingly, there weren't any tears when we left (though there were when we got there!).
So now, once more, it is a waiting game. Waiting to see how much of this she internalizes and takes to heart - seeing if she changes or not.
We did see improvement with her. She is maturing a bit, though she isn't where she should be (she still doesn't act 16). She did seem to listen a bit more than on some of the phone calls in the past, which is also good. We don't see any need to change her group at this time - but then again we don't know where she would go otherwise, as she is already a the facility they send the kids who aren't moving to, and with the therapist they put the girls who aren't working with.
They liked their shirts - her therapist put it on over his dress shirt on Thursday, and wore it again on Friday.
We talk to the Family Rep on Tuesday, and we'll see if there is any change or not.
M-
The logistics sucked. Our flights out were delayed, as well as bad traffic leaving Vegas, so we didn't get to our hotel until 4:15 AM. Then we had a red-eye back home, with a three hour layover in Atlanta, so we are wiped out (well I am - Diane is upstairs asleep).
Katie was completely surprised by the visit. We talked to her on Thursday morning, more social than anything else to get started. Then that afternoon we had a session with her therapist, then went to her group session. He wanted to do it a bit differently though. Usually the girls run it themselves, but this time he did.
Katie had taken level 2 on Monday, without support. She is allowed to do that, but he wanted to give her a bit of a reality check. She thought she met all but one of the requirements. He went around the group, and had each girl list the requirements, if they supported her on it, and if not, why not. Pretty rude awakening for her - as there there 3 of the 11 requirements that she had no support at all - none of the 16 girls. A couple she had full support of, a few that were a bit mixed, and the rest were generally not supported. Then we left immediately after group, but not before giving the girls a lot of hugs - most of them wanted 'mom' hugs from Diane - basically having her stand in as a surrogate for their own mothers.
On Friday morning they were running late. But we got a pleasant surprise - a couple we had been going to seminars with drove up - there were there to see their son - for pretty much the same reasons as why we were there - except their son was turning 18 soon - so things were a bit more on edge as he had a possible exit plan looming. It was kind of amazing how I could run into my focus brother there - it is such a small world and there are no accidents.
We had a good session in the morning with Katie, going over respect and not just showing it, but truly internalizing it and feeling it. We also practiced listening skills with her. In the afternoon we talked about integrity and honesty - again having a good talk. Then it was done. Surprisingly, there weren't any tears when we left (though there were when we got there!).
So now, once more, it is a waiting game. Waiting to see how much of this she internalizes and takes to heart - seeing if she changes or not.
We did see improvement with her. She is maturing a bit, though she isn't where she should be (she still doesn't act 16). She did seem to listen a bit more than on some of the phone calls in the past, which is also good. We don't see any need to change her group at this time - but then again we don't know where she would go otherwise, as she is already a the facility they send the kids who aren't moving to, and with the therapist they put the girls who aren't working with.
They liked their shirts - her therapist put it on over his dress shirt on Thursday, and wore it again on Friday.
We talk to the Family Rep on Tuesday, and we'll see if there is any change or not.
M-
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Heading out tonight
We fly out to Vegas tonight, then drive to Hurricane - about five minutes from the school, but a two hour drive.
We are still a bit nervous about this, but have at least a bit of a plan. Assuming that most of the visit is just her and us, we want to work on a listening exercise with Katie - have her repeat back what we say before she can say anything. We should be able to do this. Plus work on using the Bradshaw with her - there are no accidents that this is the homework from keys for this week. I'm printing off some extra copies of it to take with us.
We don't have internet access in our hotel room, so I won't be bringing the laptop for once - one less thing to worry about. So I'll have to wait to update until we get back.
M-
We are still a bit nervous about this, but have at least a bit of a plan. Assuming that most of the visit is just her and us, we want to work on a listening exercise with Katie - have her repeat back what we say before she can say anything. We should be able to do this. Plus work on using the Bradshaw with her - there are no accidents that this is the homework from keys for this week. I'm printing off some extra copies of it to take with us.
We don't have internet access in our hotel room, so I won't be bringing the laptop for once - one less thing to worry about. So I'll have to wait to update until we get back.
M-
Sunday, October 15, 2006
No Call this week
I got a message from the therapist today - we aren't going to have a phone call tomorrow. No big deal, as we will bit seeing him and Katie on Thursday. It sounds like he wants to structure the visit a bit more, as he wanted me to email him as well.
Both Diane and I received letters yesterday from Katie, talking about her last stint in Orange. God, I hate snail mail. Almost everything in the letters was what we had already gone over in the previous phone call. That is one reason why I don't write as often as I sometimes feel I should - everything I try to say gets crossed in the slow mail. And with about a three week total turn around time it is so difficult to have any kind of ongoing conversation in the mail.
M-
Both Diane and I received letters yesterday from Katie, talking about her last stint in Orange. God, I hate snail mail. Almost everything in the letters was what we had already gone over in the previous phone call. That is one reason why I don't write as often as I sometimes feel I should - everything I try to say gets crossed in the slow mail. And with about a three week total turn around time it is so difficult to have any kind of ongoing conversation in the mail.
M-
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Weekly Call
I talked with the family rep last night. She understands our frustration that Katie is not working. The interesting thing is that on the 'come clean' a couple of weeks ago she didn't quite beat her old demerit record - only scoring 730 instead of beating her high of 800!
We talked about my apprehensions on the upcoming visit. It looks like most of the time will be just Diane, Katie and me by ourselves, to work on some of the issues. One of the main things I want to work on is getting her to actually listen. Nearly all the time, when we are on the therapy calls, she will go off on something, then Diane or I will say something, and then she will continue on as if we hadn't said anything at all. There is a simple exercise where you need to repeat what was said each time before you can add anything that I feel we need to do, repeatedly if necessary.
It may also be very relevant that we are doing Effective Communications right now. There are no accidents.
M-
We talked about my apprehensions on the upcoming visit. It looks like most of the time will be just Diane, Katie and me by ourselves, to work on some of the issues. One of the main things I want to work on is getting her to actually listen. Nearly all the time, when we are on the therapy calls, she will go off on something, then Diane or I will say something, and then she will continue on as if we hadn't said anything at all. There is a simple exercise where you need to repeat what was said each time before you can add anything that I feel we need to do, repeatedly if necessary.
It may also be very relevant that we are doing Effective Communications right now. There are no accidents.
M-
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Working again - maybe
We had a special therapy call last night, and Katie was out of Orange so on the call. She says she is going to work with one of her roommates on a lot of her issues - especially having her point out when she is not working. I confronted her with this, wondering how this was different than what she had said every other time she got out of orange.
I have a call with the family rep tonight, so I'll see what she says. Diane won't be able to be on that call unfortunately.
We also had our first keys family call for this round, and after everyone updated on how things were going, we talked about the situation.
M-
I have a call with the family rep tonight, so I'll see what she says. Diane won't be able to be on that call unfortunately.
We also had our first keys family call for this round, and after everyone updated on how things were going, we talked about the situation.
M-
Monday, October 09, 2006
Support Group
We have a very active parent support group in our area. It is a nice opportunity once a month to get together with people from the same area, who are or have been going through the same thing.
This month we volunteered to host it. Unfortunately, one of the parents down south son, who graduated the program a few years ago, was killed last week in an auto accident. Because of this going on, and probably helped by the fact that the weather yesterday was simply beautiful (and yet they say it could snow by the end of the week!) we only had three people show up for the meeting. It was still good to connect, and gave us a chance to get to know one couple a little bit better.
We talk to Katie's therapist again tonight - I don't know if Katie will be on the call or not - that depends on if she is out of orange. And then we talk to our family rep tomorrow night. Right now I'm more than a little concerned about this upcoming visit. I don't want to reward non-working behavior on Katie's part. I also don't know what we would do with her in the school for several hours at a time. I'm concered about the visit not being structured. We are going to try and bring that up with the therapist tonight.
We got him a cute tee shirt as well from What On Earth Catalog, as well as a sweatshirt for the family rep. You can see them here and here. Since the seminars deal with the 'Magical child' within each one of us, we thought those were quite appropriate for them.
M-
This month we volunteered to host it. Unfortunately, one of the parents down south son, who graduated the program a few years ago, was killed last week in an auto accident. Because of this going on, and probably helped by the fact that the weather yesterday was simply beautiful (and yet they say it could snow by the end of the week!) we only had three people show up for the meeting. It was still good to connect, and gave us a chance to get to know one couple a little bit better.
We talk to Katie's therapist again tonight - I don't know if Katie will be on the call or not - that depends on if she is out of orange. And then we talk to our family rep tomorrow night. Right now I'm more than a little concerned about this upcoming visit. I don't want to reward non-working behavior on Katie's part. I also don't know what we would do with her in the school for several hours at a time. I'm concered about the visit not being structured. We are going to try and bring that up with the therapist tonight.
We got him a cute tee shirt as well from What On Earth Catalog, as well as a sweatshirt for the family rep. You can see them here and here. Since the seminars deal with the 'Magical child' within each one of us, we thought those were quite appropriate for them.
M-
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Making Arrangements
Well, we have our flights to go to the school and visit Katie. We leave after work on Wednesday the 18th, and then have a red-eye back Friday night, giving us that Thursday and Friday to be in Utah. At least there are lots of flights in/out of Las Vegas (the nearest decent airport), though it a couple hour drive from there.
I'm a bit apprehensive about this visit. We are looking to see what we need to do with Katie, whether it be to keep her as is, change groups (which would mean changing therapist and family rep), or if we need to change facility altogether. Changing facilities worries me, as there aren't any others that offer the therapy that this one does. However, being realistic, how much therapy is she getting if her behavior is so out of whack? Can they really work on issues at this point?
We did get an interesting letter the other day; it was the first one EVER (in over a year now) where she had mentioned any of the other girls there. That in itself is a very good thing - it starts to show that she is finally being a little less self-centered - possibly opening up and realizing that there is more in the world.
M-
I'm a bit apprehensive about this visit. We are looking to see what we need to do with Katie, whether it be to keep her as is, change groups (which would mean changing therapist and family rep), or if we need to change facility altogether. Changing facilities worries me, as there aren't any others that offer the therapy that this one does. However, being realistic, how much therapy is she getting if her behavior is so out of whack? Can they really work on issues at this point?
We did get an interesting letter the other day; it was the first one EVER (in over a year now) where she had mentioned any of the other girls there. That in itself is a very good thing - it starts to show that she is finally being a little less self-centered - possibly opening up and realizing that there is more in the world.
M-
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
New Blog
Welcome to our new blog site. I've had some issues in the past with the free web space provided by our ISP, so I figured I'd move this to a more 'permanent' free site. And this allowed me to back date the old posts, so the archives are all consistent.
Everything from the old site should be here, but I have it archived as well just in case.
Now to just get this to default to the correct time zone (it defaults to pacific, and I'm in eastern).
Everything from the old site should be here, but I have it archived as well just in case.
Now to just get this to default to the correct time zone (it defaults to pacific, and I'm in eastern).
Back to Orange, yet again
Well, we talked to the therapist on Monday, as normal. Katie is back in orange again. She had so many write-ups that he couldn't go over them all. It sounded like she just went nuts - things like "Disrespecting peers - 70 times".
So, her therapists wants us to come out and review her progress in person. I'm apprehensive, to say the least, about this, as part of me feels that it is rewarding her for bad behavior. We may end up switching yet again to another therapist/group, and will review all the alternatives, including changing facilities. The problem is that there aren't any other facilities that offer the therapy the they do, the rest just do the behavior modification.
I hate the thought of all this time and money (and at $4200 a month, the money is not insignificant) and not having her get any better. But worrying does no one any good, so we will take it a step at a time.
In other news, we just completed our third Keys seminar - Effective Communication, and are the Mom and Pop (our family is named SODA - so yes, I'm the Soda Pop!) for our keys family, and we are hosting the local support group meeting this weekend as well. Along with the band boosters I don't seem to have time to turn around.
M-
8:39 am edt
So, her therapists wants us to come out and review her progress in person. I'm apprehensive, to say the least, about this, as part of me feels that it is rewarding her for bad behavior. We may end up switching yet again to another therapist/group, and will review all the alternatives, including changing facilities. The problem is that there aren't any other facilities that offer the therapy the they do, the rest just do the behavior modification.
I hate the thought of all this time and money (and at $4200 a month, the money is not insignificant) and not having her get any better. But worrying does no one any good, so we will take it a step at a time.
In other news, we just completed our third Keys seminar - Effective Communication, and are the Mom and Pop (our family is named SODA - so yes, I'm the Soda Pop!) for our keys family, and we are hosting the local support group meeting this weekend as well. Along with the band boosters I don't seem to have time to turn around.
M-
8:39 am edt
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Progress - maybe
Well she is still out of orange, which is a good thing. What was real interesting was apparently this past week she has been working quite a bit. Even to the point where her family rep remarked how she was actually responding appropriately when in group sessions. The example she gave was when the therapist had asked them about things they were ashamed of, and then after a girl talked about it, he asked others for examples of this in their lives. She managed to be clear, answer just the question honestly, and not go into stories or try to make it all about her. This is a good thing.
We have passed the 1 year mark now, and I'm personally frustrated. But we have a Keys seminar this weekend, and I hope to get a bit more energized there. I just hope it is a good one, and not a lot of lecture.
M-
We have passed the 1 year mark now, and I'm personally frustrated. But we have a Keys seminar this weekend, and I hope to get a bit more energized there. I just hope it is a good one, and not a lot of lecture.
M-
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Once more out of orange - for now
We had our therapy call last night, and Katie got to participate as she was out of Orange. It went ok, not great. We challenged her a lot on working the program, and not expecting that doing one thing right would erase all the mistakes she had made in the past.
She has finally said that she doesn't like it there and wants to be home. We are hoping this will help to motivate her to work he program. Since she changed groups she has already managed to completely alienate the new one, killing any trust there.
I have a call tonight with my Focus family, and that will be good to touch base with them again. I really miss some of them. We also have our next keys seminar in a week and a half - that will be great to see people again and get our own program moving once more.
M-
She has finally said that she doesn't like it there and wants to be home. We are hoping this will help to motivate her to work he program. Since she changed groups she has already managed to completely alienate the new one, killing any trust there.
I have a call tonight with my Focus family, and that will be good to touch base with them again. I really miss some of them. We also have our next keys seminar in a week and a half - that will be great to see people again and get our own program moving once more.
M-
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Back to Orange again - and not happy about it
We talked to our family rep again this week, and Katie went back to Orange on Saturday. Too many Cat 1's again, though the others were down. The one different aspect though is she isn't happy about it. She has finally gotten to the point where she doesn't want to be in Orange (there was a time months ago when she asked to be put back in Orange). And she is finally starting to complain about the place a bit, and say she wants to come home.
Why is this good? Before she had never asked to come home, never said she wanted to. We felt she was getting too comfortable there, working the system. Now she isn't happy there anymore. And we are really hoping this will motivate her to begin working.
I'm really worried about he ongoing costs. We have another 6 month loan, but don't feel real comfortable about if we can get another after that. They dropped it down from a full year becasue of the amount of outstanding debt. We hope that a part of that was because we have a debt consolidation 2nd mortgage that we just took out - but the stuff we paid off haven't been closed yet. So we hope that in 6 months things will look a lot better as we are getting rid of most of our credit cards (keeping a total of 3, Sears (because that is so hard to get, and supposedly looks good), and two smaller limits general ones (Diane's is a VISA, mine is a MasterCard), one for each of us just to have. The big (14K) VISA, BP, Best Buy, Home Depot, Victoria Secret are all getting closed, plus the van was paid off as well. So we traded a bunch of revolving debt for a single mortgage debt, which is also supposed to look a lot better.
With Diane not being able to get clients lately, and the Real Estate market around here in the dumpster, I'm really concerened about how much she can help out with the monthly budget. It's ok for now, but in six months when we need to get another loan - well I don't know what will happen.
M-
Why is this good? Before she had never asked to come home, never said she wanted to. We felt she was getting too comfortable there, working the system. Now she isn't happy there anymore. And we are really hoping this will motivate her to begin working.
I'm really worried about he ongoing costs. We have another 6 month loan, but don't feel real comfortable about if we can get another after that. They dropped it down from a full year becasue of the amount of outstanding debt. We hope that a part of that was because we have a debt consolidation 2nd mortgage that we just took out - but the stuff we paid off haven't been closed yet. So we hope that in 6 months things will look a lot better as we are getting rid of most of our credit cards (keeping a total of 3, Sears (because that is so hard to get, and supposedly looks good), and two smaller limits general ones (Diane's is a VISA, mine is a MasterCard), one for each of us just to have. The big (14K) VISA, BP, Best Buy, Home Depot, Victoria Secret are all getting closed, plus the van was paid off as well. So we traded a bunch of revolving debt for a single mortgage debt, which is also supposed to look a lot better.
With Diane not being able to get clients lately, and the Real Estate market around here in the dumpster, I'm really concerened about how much she can help out with the monthly budget. It's ok for now, but in six months when we need to get another loan - well I don't know what will happen.
M-
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Doing better, for now
Well talked with the therapist and Katie yesterday. She is still out of orange at least. We are hoping she can stay that way. She wants to go to Focus - but has a long way to go, if nothing else just to earn the points to get to level 3. The call went well, we got into the issues she was having with her new roommates, which mirrors the rest of her life. To me it all boils down to respect for other people. Not just lip service, or kissing butt, but truly respecting others and realizing that you are not the center of the universe. We talked about how she would fidget during group and during PC1 when others were speaking - and I challenged her on how often she spent the time when others were speaking thinking of what she was going to say, instead of listening to them. I also challenged her in the next few weeks, whenever she was in group, to NEVER talk about herself when giving feedback - no comparisons to her life, no stories. To truly listen, and talk about the other girls.
We'll see how it goes.
M-
We'll see how it goes.
M-
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
talking again
We had a decent call with Katie today. Not as rough as the last few, she spent most of it trying to tell us why she wasn't in orange - and interesting change. She had some issues with her new roommates that stemmed from the same base as always, but hopefully is getting past them and stays out of orange for once.
The key right now is just seeing how she handles some of the events that are happening - does she break down and quit again, or is she going to start being accountable and make some progress. I don't have a crystal ball - only time will tell here.
M-
The key right now is just seeing how she handles some of the events that are happening - does she break down and quit again, or is she going to start being accountable and make some progress. I don't have a crystal ball - only time will tell here.
M-
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
6 more months
Well, we got our loan app back today - for 6 more months only. We will have to reapply after that - and probably get a co-signer. The good thing is that the payments are less than I expected, the bad is it is only 6 months, and the odds of her getting out by March 23 2007 are pretty slim. However financially we are doing ok - took out a second mortgage to get rid of a bunch of older bills, so once we get the rest of those accounts closed out then things should look better as well - cut our monthly payments in less than half, which gives us the money for this second school loan. Of course, I've also co-signed my son's loan for his first year of college.
It looks like Katie has managed to stay out of Orange so far - a graduate visited the school the other day and posted that on the BBS for us, so I expect that I'll be talking to her tonight. Maybe she is finally going to start moving - who knows. I don't try to predict anything any more.
M-
It looks like Katie has managed to stay out of Orange so far - a graduate visited the school the other day and posted that on the BBS for us, so I expect that I'll be talking to her tonight. Maybe she is finally going to start moving - who knows. I don't try to predict anything any more.
M-
Friday, August 25, 2006
Well she says she's going to work the program . . .
I got a letter yesterday from Katie, talking about moving to another group, and trying to start working now. She said she only had 35 demerits so far that week, so we'll see.
It started with a list of resentments, and that triggered me a bit. I immediately wrote her back about it. I was good, and didn't go point by point, but I did have to talk about how most of them had to do with her lack of respect for others - expecting everyone (especially me) to drop everything else whenever she wanted anything. Things like being upset because I would be reading or something, and not stop to pay attention to her. Or being upset because I would be talking to her brothers when she was in the car, about things we did together that she didn't. And not wanting to constantly drive her around wherever she wanted to go. Or embarrassing her in front of her friends.
That last one, of course, is a parents perogitive, and pleasure. Isn't that why we had kids in the first place, to embarrass them by being weird? ;-)
Diane is sending her a song that reminds her of Katie - Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. She is also making up some inspirational 'mini-posters' for her to help motivate her - kind of a turnabout - but we'll see if it helps. I like the one
"Put Your Big Girl Panties On And Just Deal With It!" She needs to take that to heart.
We'll see next week if things are better or not - we talk with her therapist then, and maybe Katie if she stays out of Orange, as well as the family rep.
M-
It started with a list of resentments, and that triggered me a bit. I immediately wrote her back about it. I was good, and didn't go point by point, but I did have to talk about how most of them had to do with her lack of respect for others - expecting everyone (especially me) to drop everything else whenever she wanted anything. Things like being upset because I would be reading or something, and not stop to pay attention to her. Or being upset because I would be talking to her brothers when she was in the car, about things we did together that she didn't. And not wanting to constantly drive her around wherever she wanted to go. Or embarrassing her in front of her friends.
That last one, of course, is a parents perogitive, and pleasure. Isn't that why we had kids in the first place, to embarrass them by being weird? ;-)
Diane is sending her a song that reminds her of Katie - Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. She is also making up some inspirational 'mini-posters' for her to help motivate her - kind of a turnabout - but we'll see if it helps. I like the one
"Put Your Big Girl Panties On And Just Deal With It!" She needs to take that to heart.
We'll see next week if things are better or not - we talk with her therapist then, and maybe Katie if she stays out of Orange, as well as the family rep.
M-
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Group Move
We talked to the therapist yesterday, as normal. He has pulled the trigger and moved Katie from group 'N' to group 'B'. She still has the same rep and therapist, but different girls. He took her out of orange with the move - basically gave her a fresh start.
He is getting as frustrated as we are. He joked with her the other day that her bus was here to take her to Jamaica - I'm just not so sure how much of a joke that truly is. With her not working for 11 months tomorrow, we have to find someway to get through to her.
I'm applying today for a 2nd student loan - another 52K on top of the 58K we did last year. Boy doesn't that excite me. We are doing this again through TeenHelp, and hope it goes through.
Feeling very frustrated and disillusioned right now.
M-
He is getting as frustrated as we are. He joked with her the other day that her bus was here to take her to Jamaica - I'm just not so sure how much of a joke that truly is. With her not working for 11 months tomorrow, we have to find someway to get through to her.
I'm applying today for a 2nd student loan - another 52K on top of the 58K we did last year. Boy doesn't that excite me. We are doing this again through TeenHelp, and hope it goes through.
Feeling very frustrated and disillusioned right now.
M-
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
in other news
Oh yes, in addition tomorrow her big brother goes off to college. The house is sure getting bigger suddenly, and much quieter.
In the next few weeks we have to do and re-do bedrooms and move the remaining two boys around - so that we can finally (I know it has been nearly a year) clean out her room thoroughly. Most of the stuff in it can go - keep some of the books (maybe) - but posters etc. will be gone. She can't fit into any of her old clothes any more, so that isn't an issue
In the next few weeks we have to do and re-do bedrooms and move the remaining two boys around - so that we can finally (I know it has been nearly a year) clean out her room thoroughly. Most of the stuff in it can go - keep some of the books (maybe) - but posters etc. will be gone. She can't fit into any of her old clothes any more, so that isn't an issue
Still Orange - and struggling
This weeks update wasn't good news. Katie is still really struggling - she got over 800 demerits again last week. She did manage to question Garth on whether or not her new rules were too tough - but the other girls all said that it was very do-able for someone who wants to do it. Yes, in Orange it is extremely easy to get a cat. But getting 3 Cat 3's in one day is ridiculous. (Out of area, major disrespect, and dropping the 'F' bomb).
It was interesting that apparently they took group pictures again, and Katie tried to hide in the back this time - most likely so that her orange shirt wouldn't be seen. It didn't work - they ended up moving her to the front, but it was interesting how she suddenly wasn't mugging for the camera now.
M-
It was interesting that apparently they took group pictures again, and Katie tried to hide in the back this time - most likely so that her orange shirt wouldn't be seen. It didn't work - they ended up moving her to the front, but it was interesting how she suddenly wasn't mugging for the camera now.
M-
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Orange - and staffing
Well Katie is back in orange and looks to be there for a while. One interesting point - her therapist will no longer let her participate in the bi-weekly calls with him if she is in orange, and they hold all her mail as well. So more incentive for her to work.
I staffed Discovery this weekend - it was really great. I'm not sure that I got much more out of it staffing than attending, but it was really wonderful to watch my small group grow over the three days. The way the looks of despair, pain and sadness were replaced with hope, healing and joy was just fantastic. If it weren't for the logistics (since it is in Chicago - that is a six hour drive, plus hotel, plus taking off work for at least a two days (three if I don't try to drive home the evening after it is over) I would definitely do it again.
M-
I staffed Discovery this weekend - it was really great. I'm not sure that I got much more out of it staffing than attending, but it was really wonderful to watch my small group grow over the three days. The way the looks of despair, pain and sadness were replaced with hope, healing and joy was just fantastic. If it weren't for the logistics (since it is in Chicago - that is a six hour drive, plus hotel, plus taking off work for at least a two days (three if I don't try to drive home the evening after it is over) I would definitely do it again.
M-
Monday, July 24, 2006
Changeup
I hate computers some time - especially when trying to save this stuff. So try again.
We had our call with the therapist and Katie on Saturday, as today is a state holiday so he wasn't going to be in the office. It went ok - nothing special. We talked again about how she needs to start working the program. She is real big on pushing any little improvement. She has gone from 300 demerits a week to 90+ - but that is like going from an F to a D-, it isn't good enough.
We sent her a package of some new pajamas and new shoes - she is real hard on shoes so we got her some better ones instead of the cheapies.
We are really frustrated that she has been there 10 months and isn't making any progress. We thought she was back in April when we saw her at PC1, but it just didn't happen. And now we have to go and get a 2nd loan to make the payments for another year. We really hope that happens, because there is no way we can come up with $4400 a month otherwise, unless we win the lottery. And we haven't had any luck with referrals - I don't even think anyone is looking at that web site - and I don't know how to generate traffic.
M-
We had our call with the therapist and Katie on Saturday, as today is a state holiday so he wasn't going to be in the office. It went ok - nothing special. We talked again about how she needs to start working the program. She is real big on pushing any little improvement. She has gone from 300 demerits a week to 90+ - but that is like going from an F to a D-, it isn't good enough.
We sent her a package of some new pajamas and new shoes - she is real hard on shoes so we got her some better ones instead of the cheapies.
We are really frustrated that she has been there 10 months and isn't making any progress. We thought she was back in April when we saw her at PC1, but it just didn't happen. And now we have to go and get a 2nd loan to make the payments for another year. We really hope that happens, because there is no way we can come up with $4400 a month otherwise, unless we win the lottery. And we haven't had any luck with referrals - I don't even think anyone is looking at that web site - and I don't know how to generate traffic.
M-
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Challenging
Yesterday we had our therapy call. It was a bit challenging - I know that Katie did not enjoy it at all. We definitely brought up the issue of her not working, and wanting to accept that minor improvement is good enough. She has gone from 300+ demerits a week to 150+ - an improvement but not nearly good enough. Nearly 10 months and still at level one. And all the extra points she had ever earned from Discovery and PC1 are soon going to be completely gone (she has like 200 merits last week - level 3, which is a Focus requirement , is 1000 merits).
Her therapist has asked us to think about moving her to another group - to see if that changes anything. We really like him and our family rep - so we are really debating on if this will help or not. He has one other group he does - maybe move her there and see.
M-
Her therapist has asked us to think about moving her to another group - to see if that changes anything. We really like him and our family rep - so we are really debating on if this will help or not. He has one other group he does - maybe move her there and see.
M-
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Not so sweet 16
Katie turned 16 on Monday. We talked to the family rep yesterday - she got her package on friday and was going to get her cake after dinner yesterday - all decorated in red, white and blue.
Still at level 1, still getitng 300+ demerits a week, still not working. We are still very frustrated. *sigh*M-
Still at level 1, still getitng 300+ demerits a week, still not working. We are still very frustrated. *sigh*M-
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Still Struggling
I had our therapy call last night - and things are still pretty rough. Katie has finally admitted to cheating on a test again, so the whole session was on honesty, and her needing to acknowledge that she has a problem with lying. Very frustrating. Her 16th birthday is next week, and she doesn't seem to be making any progress at times.
M-
M-
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Working session
I had our therapy call last night, and this felt like one of the best 'working' sessions we have had yet. We discussed the patten that Katie has of constantly asking for help with everything, and using the line "I don't know what I'm doing" for everything. She says she doesn't know how to get beyond level 1 at all.
I talked to her about just doing it - she has very clear cut rules - and to simply follow the rules. There are no short cuts, no easy way our. She has to simply do it, or not do it and be accountable for that choice.
I wrote her today and reiterated this as well Even when you are truly confused in life - just going through the motions every day tends to break through the confusion and allow you to focus. And she has the motions spelled out right in front of her.
I hope something sinks in and we start to eventually see some progress.
M-
I talked to her about just doing it - she has very clear cut rules - and to simply follow the rules. There are no short cuts, no easy way our. She has to simply do it, or not do it and be accountable for that choice.
I wrote her today and reiterated this as well Even when you are truly confused in life - just going through the motions every day tends to break through the confusion and allow you to focus. And she has the motions spelled out right in front of her.
I hope something sinks in and we start to eventually see some progress.
M-
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Still Struggling
Yesterday was our bi-weekly call with the family rep. The good news is that Katie is doing fine in school, and really working at PE. She is able to run the entire time now, without stopping to walk part of the way. And she is continuing to lose weight.
The bad news is that she is still struggling with the rules. She got over 250 demerits last week, way above the acceptable level for being voted up to level 2 again. She just can't seem to stop bucking the rules. Arrrghhhh!!!!
She got our box, most of which she can no longer have since dropping back to level 1. But she will get the razor and crochette stuff when she votes up eventually.
Her birthday is coming up soon, so we are going to get her some colored pencils and coloring books. She is so limited in what she can have. Then we send the family rep a check and she will get a cake for her, and she gets to serve it to her group.
M-
The bad news is that she is still struggling with the rules. She got over 250 demerits last week, way above the acceptable level for being voted up to level 2 again. She just can't seem to stop bucking the rules. Arrrghhhh!!!!
She got our box, most of which she can no longer have since dropping back to level 1. But she will get the razor and crochette stuff when she votes up eventually.
Her birthday is coming up soon, so we are going to get her some colored pencils and coloring books. She is so limited in what she can have. Then we send the family rep a check and she will get a cake for her, and she gets to serve it to her group.
M-
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Grandparents
Had our bi-weekly therapy call. Katie went over what happened - she was cheating on an algebra test. She did take accountability for it, and handled it well. She has realized that this choice also chose her out of the next Focus, and in talking with her therapist he said that he didn't feel that they would help her this time, like they did with discovery. She truly needs to earn Focus to make it help her more. The good thing is she has done all her pre-focus homework.
Then her grandma and grandpa had a chance to say hi. They were in town for her older brother's graduation. She cried a bit, but I think overall it was a good thing. It always helps to remind them of what is at home, as an incentive for wanting to work the program and come home.
M-
Then her grandma and grandpa had a chance to say hi. They were in town for her older brother's graduation. She cried a bit, but I think overall it was a good thing. It always helps to remind them of what is at home, as an incentive for wanting to work the program and come home.
M-
Thursday, May 25, 2006
2 Steps back - again
Well this past week was a bad one for Katie, she dropped back to level 1 again. A bit factor on this was cheating on an algebra test - I should be getting a letter from her about that one soon. We aren't sure if this has killed her chance to go to Focus in June or not - that will be up to Garth and Kathy to decide (basically does she have to start over on points again or not). She doesn't have much more time, it is in about three weeks, and she has to get to level 3 to attend.
And this just as we got a box together of stuff she can have at level 2. *sigh*
M-
And this just as we got a box together of stuff she can have at level 2. *sigh*
M-
Monday, May 15, 2006
Parents of a Troubled Teen - our Journey back to a Healthy Family
I just got off our bi-weekly therapy call, and Katie is sounding really good. She is hoping to go up for Level 3 next week, and is scared of both succeeding and of failing, which I can understand. She has to be level 3 to go to Focus, and she really wants that.
It is nice to hear her working and sincerely trying to improve.
M-
It is nice to hear her working and sincerely trying to improve.
M-
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Updated - finally
I have finally taken the time and got at least something up to bring the blog up to date with when it started. That is good, it has been hanging over my head for way too long.
Wrote Katie today. I still find it so hard to write her. And then, of course, I'll be talking to her on Monday during her therapy call as well.
M-
Wrote Katie today. I still find it so hard to write her. And then, of course, I'll be talking to her on Monday during her therapy call as well.
M-
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Level 2 - again
Well Katie has taken Level 2 again. She tried to get voted up, but didn't have the support for it. However she can take level 2 without support if she chooses.
It was interesting, as apparently one of the higher level girls then said that they should support her, as she had met all the requirements, and that is how it is designed. Otherwise it can be a bit too much of personalities and back-biting, etc about it - and people can get held back by their previous impressions, not how they are in the moment. This is big for Katie, as she has had problems with all the girls there - just like real life.
They uploaded a new picture of her group - and the most notable thing about her is she is in the very back row - not sticking out at all - a good thing.
She wants to crochet her brother a blanket for his graduation, and while we are going to send her some yarn, we aren't sending a couple of cases like she asked for. She can make him a scarf for college - that would be good. Once more she is a bit over-reactive to it.
M-
It was interesting, as apparently one of the higher level girls then said that they should support her, as she had met all the requirements, and that is how it is designed. Otherwise it can be a bit too much of personalities and back-biting, etc about it - and people can get held back by their previous impressions, not how they are in the moment. This is big for Katie, as she has had problems with all the girls there - just like real life.
They uploaded a new picture of her group - and the most notable thing about her is she is in the very back row - not sticking out at all - a good thing.
She wants to crochet her brother a blanket for his graduation, and while we are going to send her some yarn, we aren't sending a couple of cases like she asked for. She can make him a scarf for college - that would be good. Once more she is a bit over-reactive to it.
M-
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
After Keys
Well it was a good weekend. This being only the 2nd Keys we have attended, it is hard to judge it completely, but it was pretty 'dry'. A LOT of information, but that means it was mostly lecture - very little 'processes' to work through, which is where the breakthroughs come in.
The next on in Chicago is, unfortunately, the same weekend that my two youngest sons head off to boy scout and band camp, so we won't be able to make it. Since I am the treasurer for the Band Boosters now, I have to be there to write last minute checks and take in last minute payments before the kids go off. We may look to do it somewhere else though - it is being held the week before in the Bay Area, and maybe in Atlanta as well (though I won't know that for another couple of weeks).
They posted new group pictures yesterday as well. Amazingly - Katie is in the BACK ROW!!!! For someone seeking to be the center of attention constantly, that is a very good thing.
M-
The next on in Chicago is, unfortunately, the same weekend that my two youngest sons head off to boy scout and band camp, so we won't be able to make it. Since I am the treasurer for the Band Boosters now, I have to be there to write last minute checks and take in last minute payments before the kids go off. We may look to do it somewhere else though - it is being held the week before in the Bay Area, and maybe in Atlanta as well (though I won't know that for another couple of weeks).
They posted new group pictures yesterday as well. Amazingly - Katie is in the BACK ROW!!!! For someone seeking to be the center of attention constantly, that is a very good thing.
M-
Friday, May 05, 2006
Keys: Addiction Awareness
Well we are in Chicago for our 2nd Keys seminar tomorrow. One of the best parts of these is getting together with the people that we have met at the seminars - so far I've talked to several of my Focus Family, and we will be meeting for a drink later once they get to the hotel.
I'm not sure about this seminar - Katies isn't in the program because of drugs or alcohol, and addiction doesn't seem to be an issue for us. I don't want to go through a beating on how 'everyone is an addict' etc.
On the plus side, this one is being done by the founder of the program, who is supposed to be really good. So maybe it will be interesting.
M-
I'm not sure about this seminar - Katies isn't in the program because of drugs or alcohol, and addiction doesn't seem to be an issue for us. I don't want to go through a beating on how 'everyone is an addict' etc.
On the plus side, this one is being done by the founder of the program, who is supposed to be really good. So maybe it will be interesting.
M-
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
PC1
I meant to update this more often, this week, but technical difficulties prevented it, including not having the wireless internet work at the motel this weekend.
We saw Katie for the first time in seven months this weekend. She looked great - she has lost 30 lbs and it shows.
We were a bit apprehensive about this. First because of the expense - we weren't able to make any reservations until Monday, and we flew out on Thursday. This was due to two factors: the first was not finding out that she had graduated Discovery until two weeks before PC1, and the second was simply money. I had already decided to take out another 401K loan, and because of Easter it took over 8 days to get here - arrghh!!!!! And, of course, it ran quite a bit more expensive than we had anticipated (well, maybe that was the extra day in Las Vegas, or at least part of it).
So we flew out on Thursday to Las Vegas. Her school is about two and a half hours from there in Utah, and the drive is just stunning. Especially the Virgin River Gorge in Arizona - absolutely spectacular. I guess since she is only level 1 we did not get invited to therapy on Thursday like some parents there did, so we drove around a bit, and got some great scenic pictures, including some from the local overlook (which just happens to be the local makeout point as well :-) ). We then met some other parents we had talked to on the BBS for dinner, and got to meet her therapist for the first time - he is great.
On Friday we went to the school, had a couple of presentations from staff, then after we came back from lunch were greated with a scream as she saw us. Hugs, kisses, tears all around. I won't go into the seminar details, but there was some work done, we had dinner with her there, and then left.
On Saturday we were back for more, working through the morning with her, then having lunch, a tour, and finally, at 3 pm it was time for farewells - and yes lots more tears.
Meeting our family rep and therapist really helped, as did the tour of the facility, and talking to some of the other students. Seeing everything first hand really helped to bring things back in focus - Katie is doing great. She was so much like the little girl I used to know. There was no anger or exploding at all. She was still very clingy - and that is something we know to work on - part of the whole 'attention seeking' thing.
We did spend Sunday in Vegas, and just got back at 8 tonight. Then on Friday we drive back to Chicago for the next Keys. Barely time to breath - and my oldest graduates high school on 3 weeks!
M-
We saw Katie for the first time in seven months this weekend. She looked great - she has lost 30 lbs and it shows.
We were a bit apprehensive about this. First because of the expense - we weren't able to make any reservations until Monday, and we flew out on Thursday. This was due to two factors: the first was not finding out that she had graduated Discovery until two weeks before PC1, and the second was simply money. I had already decided to take out another 401K loan, and because of Easter it took over 8 days to get here - arrghh!!!!! And, of course, it ran quite a bit more expensive than we had anticipated (well, maybe that was the extra day in Las Vegas, or at least part of it).
So we flew out on Thursday to Las Vegas. Her school is about two and a half hours from there in Utah, and the drive is just stunning. Especially the Virgin River Gorge in Arizona - absolutely spectacular. I guess since she is only level 1 we did not get invited to therapy on Thursday like some parents there did, so we drove around a bit, and got some great scenic pictures, including some from the local overlook (which just happens to be the local makeout point as well :-) ). We then met some other parents we had talked to on the BBS for dinner, and got to meet her therapist for the first time - he is great.
On Friday we went to the school, had a couple of presentations from staff, then after we came back from lunch were greated with a scream as she saw us. Hugs, kisses, tears all around. I won't go into the seminar details, but there was some work done, we had dinner with her there, and then left.
On Saturday we were back for more, working through the morning with her, then having lunch, a tour, and finally, at 3 pm it was time for farewells - and yes lots more tears.
Meeting our family rep and therapist really helped, as did the tour of the facility, and talking to some of the other students. Seeing everything first hand really helped to bring things back in focus - Katie is doing great. She was so much like the little girl I used to know. There was no anger or exploding at all. She was still very clingy - and that is something we know to work on - part of the whole 'attention seeking' thing.
We did spend Sunday in Vegas, and just got back at 8 tonight. Then on Friday we drive back to Chicago for the next Keys. Barely time to breath - and my oldest graduates high school on 3 weeks!
M-
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